The Donnybrook Writing Academy

The economic sky has fallen, taxpayers have just become one three-hundred millionth owners of GM, and the DWA manor has cut electricity to the servant quarters. (Ed. –not because we are struggling, just for show. It was beyond mortifying to be the only people not making cutbacks at the most recent wine tasting.) And in the midst of all of this, Roman Hardgrave decides to show us how the other 99 percent live with his featurette,  “Standards of Ethical Conduct.”

The film is the story of the lovable Heff (Damon Guerrasio) and his journey through corporate culture to discover the new American dream: doing the most with the least amount of effort. To guide him along the way is the stoner sage Binger (Chuck Roy), giving him advice between bong rips and Xbox games. As with most new jobs, Heff starts out full of ambition and moxie; however, after a botched background check he settles to the bottom of the corporate ladder. The story takes place over the next few painful years as the job, his boss Tab Chester (Robert Bottelsen Jr.), and company logo denim shirts slowly wear Heff into a rut of cynicism.

Roman Hardgrave funded the film with a paycheck from a Fortune 500 company and shot the film guerilla-style in the same office of said company with co-workers collecting very similar checks. While everyone in the position of cube jockey notices the absurd behavior professional work environments can create, Hardgrave decided that instead of mimicking the behavior for personal gain, he’d mock it for the sake of art.

He created the team of Tab and Marge from HR  (Pamela McCreary) to foil every attempt at creating an enjoyable and productive workplace.  Their constant double-speak and plaster of Paris perky attitudes is just the stuff that makes middle management great. They butt heads with Heff in the climax of the film, when all of the BS finally piles high enough to reach Heff’s nostrils. The scene plays out perfectly. Hardgrave gives us the ridiculousness of bosses with dialogue that could be taken from any first offense disciplinary meeting, but in the context of the film, makes a mockery of the idea of Human Resources. Tab and Marge press Heff’s buttons just enough to reveal the insanity of the situation, and after his long journey, Heff reacts appropriately.

Like in any good office-based comedy, FTC, the company in the film, gains a few job openings by the end. The Donnybrook Writing Academy is looking to bring in additional revenue (Ed.- again we don’t need it, oh who am I kidding, we can always use a little more) and are looking to begin our new classified service with a posting for FTC. Check out the current positions below, and if you can provide us with any additional job positions at FTC, you win an FTC t-shirt or a pair of passes to see a screening of Standards of Ethical Conduct at The Bug Theatre this Saturday June 6th. Leave new positions in the comments below.

Executive Cropduster – Do you like to walk around the office, pretending you’re going somewhere, while all along, you’ve got a dirty little secret? Did someone burn baby food in the microwave? Don’t turn and look, just keep on walking.

Senior Douchebag – You must lead a team of visionaries to define the strategy of the company. Apply by sending a one sentence statement of purpose using the following phrases: “peel back the onion,” “blocking and tackling,” “straw man” and “long pole in the tent.”

Expense-Abusing Salesperson – It’s a business lunch!!! Hahahaha. Order another Chardonnay Bob!

Conference Call Security Officer – Ensure that employees have functioning mute buttons to prevent uncomfortable mishaps like mocking “Herro Evibody” or bowl farts while on the toilet.

Whorish Marketing Gal – Nothing covers a lack of talent like big boobies.