The 30 Worst Oasis Lyrics Ever: Definitely Maybe Edition
By Professor Honeydew • Apr 21st, 2008 • Category: Miscellaneous Academy Notes
You can trust me when I say my love for Oasis runs deep–to the very core of my being, in fact. But those lyrics! Oh, Lord help us all, those lyrics! This, the first installment of The 30 Worst Oasis Lyrics Ever, will focus exclusively on horrible lines from the band’s debut, Definitely Maybe.
As a general rule, it helps if you read these aloud to yourself as you would a children’s nursery rhyme; otherwise you run the risk of not gleaning the full atrocity of these words. In no particular order, here we go…
#1: From “Supersonic“:
I know a girl called Elsa
She’s into Alka Seltzer
She sniffs it through a cane
On a supersonic train
She made me laugh
I got her autograph
It’s not like I have anything against strange lyrics; this is clearly a case of letting the rhyme write the line. Let’s remember that the song gets its freakin’ title from this line and that this was their first hit single. How pleased with himself Noel must have been when he almost came up with a rhyme for “Elsa.”
#2: From “Digsy’s Diner“:
I’ll treat you like a Queen
I’ll give you strawberries and cream
And then your friends will all go green
For my lasagne
WTF? Most bizarre slant rhyme ever. It just cold-cocks you, doesn’t it, coming out of left field like that? It’s hard to believe that is actually the line, but there you have it!
#3: From “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star“:
I’ll take my car
And drive real far
Wow. Are you sure that Noel Gallagher’s songs aren’t ghostwritten by a three year old? “Isn’t that precious–he’s going to take his car and drive real far! Aww! Don’t go too far or you might fly into a star!”
#4: From “Live Forever“:
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don’t want to die
Suspicions about that three year old ghostwriter confirmed! Noel’s fascination with insultingly simple rhymes is really what makes him such an awful lyricist. He clearly gets locked into one line and then forces the couplet. I’m almost starting to feel bad for him and we aren’t even halfway done!
#5: From “Up in the Sky“:
Hey you! Up in a tree
You wanna be me
But that couldn’t be
Even the title of this song suggests an illustrated children’s book and, sure enough, Noel goes through a litany of things which could be considered up in the sky (“A tree!”). That’s right, Noel–no one else can be you. Oh wait, you already wrote about that in Supersonic: “I’ve got to be myself / I can’t be no one else.”
#6: From “Slide Away“:
In the morning when you don’t know what to do
Two of a kind
We’ll find a way
To do what we’ve done
Whoa, I think my brain just exploded–come again? That’s some heavy shit, Noel.
#7: From “Live Forever“:
But now is not the time to cry
Now’s the time to find out why
Some more deep thoughts from Mr. Gallagher. Thanks for letting us know that this is not, indeed, the time to cry. Instead, turn those sad feelings inward in an act of introspection. Are you secretly a psychologist?
Excellent couplet, by the way. Who would have thought to pair “cry” and “why”?
#8: From “Shakermaker“:
When you’re happy and you’re feeling fine
Then you’ll know it’s the right time
It’s the right time
To shake along with me!
Tell me this wasn’t plagiarized from a Barney song? Seriously, what is this–the fucking hokey pokey?
#9: From “Up in the Sky“:
Hey you! Up in the sky
Learning to fly
Tell me how high
Do you think you’ll go
Before you start falling
What else is in the sky, Noel? That’s right! Things that fly! Uh oh, I hope the flying things don’t fall down and go boom-boom!
#10: From “Columbia“:
This is confusion
Am I confusing you?
Finally, something that almost make sense! Unfortunately, it’s an observation about the fact that nothing else you say makes sense. Fail.
Professor Honeydew is an esteemed Ph.D. (Dr. of Listology), espouser of unpopular culture, recovering recluse, and cognac enthusiast.
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Now, I would be reticent to come to Noel’s aid but those are not even close to the worst Oasis lyric which was penned by Liam for a little ditty called Little James, an anemic Hey Jude rip-off with the delicate poetry in lines like
You live for your toys, even though they make noise/ Have you ever played with plasticine/ Or even tried a trampoline?/ Thank you for your smile/ You make it all worthwhile to us.
At least Noel’s gibberish is melodic. Try to sing the lyrics I just typed. It’s impossible! Even Liam couldn’t manage it and he wrote the fucking thing.
“Little James” ranks among their worst, it’s true, but is taken from the Heathen Chemistry album. This installment was exclusively culled from their first record.
u gay they’re rich for their lyrics. get a life as if u made this list grow some nuts
Aww, how adorable–Donnybrook’s first pre-pubescent reader!
Servants, fetch some cookies and milk for the little one!
Theres nothing that pleases me more than arguing with children on the internet. Where else can you say FUCK YOU to an eight year old.
Fuck you, eight-year-old! Hey, that felt pretty good.
This is precisely why there is a bedtime lil’ tyke.
that’s crap, this poor guy obviously does not know what he’s talking about.
I’m not sure if Amy has taken sides with the drunk 8-year-old or the Nobel Prize winner Dr. Honeydew.
u gay they’re rich for their lyrics. get a life as if u made this list grow some nuts [2]
Fuck you, eight-year-old! Hey, that felt pretty good.[2]
Lots of robots on here lately. What kind of Mickey Mouse operation you running here, Donnybrook?
Спасибо) есть что то интересное))
@Работник: Totes magotes.
These aren’t bad at all. ‘Supersonic’ is meant to be a random song, so the lyrics are fine. As for the others, perhaps in context they would seem better… That is, if you really listen to and relate to Oasis. These people are brilliant.
Maybe the first impression is kinda weird, even childlike, but I guess the most of the songs are strange because they’re trying to mean a lot of things, or maybe is just a weird fucking coincidence, anyhow: the most of the people thinks their lyrics are deep or almost they try to fin sense with their points of view…AND THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THOSE CRITICS BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOTS OF MONEY THAT CAME FROM THEIR LOTS OF FANS, so…I guess is you against a lot of people XD
It is so adorable how mommy lets you use the computer all by yourself! Who’s a big boy? You are! Yes you are!
If you were literate enough to read the first sentence of this piece, you would know that it’s written by a sincere fan. In fact, based on your impressive persuasive writing skills and impeccable grammar, I’m willing to wager that I was listening to Oasis since before you were in grade school.
Unquestioning fanboy-dom just makes you look like a ignorant punk. If you really think that “Your friends will all go green / For my lasagne” is a “deep” lyric, I will personally fuck you up the ass.
Word.