He’s not interested. Move on.

Dear Ivyy:
He calls me, then he doesn’t call. He’ll ask me out, we go out and have a great time, then he’ll disappear for weeks, then come back as if nothing happened. This has been going on for a few weeks, and I just have no idea what’s going on. Thoughts?

Confused

Dear Confused:
He’s not interested. Move on.

Dear Ivyy:
I really like this guy. I’ve invited him out a few times with my friends, and he always says yes, so I assume he likes me too. Whenever we go out we have a great connection and can talk for hours. We have similar interests, similar lifestyles, everything. But I feel like I’m doing all the work; I always ask him out, I always try to make sure he’s part of my life, I’m trying to get closer to him, not vice versa. I know he’s not seeing anyone else right now, and I know from our conversations that he’s looking for a girl to be with. So what’s going on? Why doesn’t he realize that the girl he’s looking for is right in front of him?

Running Out Of Patience

Dear Running:
He’s not interested. Move on.

Dear Ivyy:
I’m dating this guy who lives in Staten Island. I live in Manhattan. He works in the city, but I only ever get the chance to see him on weekends, and then only if I trek out to Staten Island. He never wants to go out and do anything, we just hang out at his apartment and have sex and eat cereal, then I get up and begin the 2 hour journey home (he has issues sleeping when there’s another person there). How do I get him to get out and live a little?

Bored in SI

Dear Bored:
He’s. Not. Interested. MOVE ON.

Christ, people. Seriously. Come ON. You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Listen carefully, repeat this 10 times a day if necessary: If a man likes you, he will call you and ask you out and be interested in what you want, etc. If a man is not interested, he will NOT call, he will NOT ask you out, and he will NOT be interested in what you want, etc. So move on. Sometimes it’s really just that simple.

This stuff is supposed to be fun, isn’t it? But I’ve spoken to way too many women lately who have forgotten that little fact, who’ve made it into a death march. So for those of you out there who are stuck in dead-end situations with men who you know deep down can’t or won’t give you what you want (you know who you are), here’s your homework for the week: flirt shamelessly with a cute stranger. Flirt without any intention or motive. Flirt easily and without intensity. Flirt without feeling the need to be validated. And most importantly, flirt without any expectation of having a relationship with this guy- you might want to go so far as to impose on yourself the not oft-used No Phone Number Rule. Just remember the excitement of the game, the pang in the small of your back that you get when a guy you like ‘accidentally’ brushes against your back, or arm, or thigh. Remember how awesomely sexy you are and how flawlessly simple it is to just smile cutely at someone and make them melt a little.

And see how great it makes you feel.

Coming up next week: Ivyy’s long-awaited “Guide to the Drunken Hookup”. Just in time for Spring, lovely ones!!