A Query from an Ex, and a Request for a Wax

Written by  //  December 4, 2008  //  Hand Job and a Reuben, Sex and Love  //  4 Comments

Dear Ivyy
Are you still doing this column? Well,…
For years now I have, like most sensible people, told friends that getting back together with an ex is a bad idea. If ever asked for advice on the subject I would give a flat NO WAY and move on. What cruel fate that I now find myself in the same situation…
I think that the time apart has served me well, and that I’ve grown in ways that would make me a better partner. And hindsight has convinced me that all the problems we had could be easily solved by a few simple, logical fixes…

I’m trying to bring her back into my life, but should I bring this up? Is it EVER a good idea??

-Spinning in Place.

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Dear Spinning,
Ok ok ok, you do have a point, my dear.  Relationships often break off for a reason, and going back to them can sometimes cause a person to fall back into the same neurotic patterns that made the relationship such crap in the first place.
Notice my use of “often”, and “sometimes”.  You see, my loves, it has recently been brought to my attention that I might come across as a bit of a know-it-all.  That I think I know more than the common folk about certain aspects of adult interaction.
And to this accusation, I say “Pshaw!”  Far be it from moi (that’s French for “me”, Dear Readers!) to be so bold as to suggest I know something that you don’t.  Anyhoo…..

Here’s my take on it, Spinning:  Sit down and think real hard about what patterns brought this relationship to an end in the first place.  Was there behavior on either side that was not in the best interest of the relationship?  What was your part in the breakdown?  If you decipher what that behavior was, try real damn hard not to repeat it.  OVER-exagerate.  If the problem was you didn’t show your love for her enough, then you need to be overly sentimental and tell her you love her a thousand times a day.  If the problem was you were scared to commit, you need to prove to her just exactly how ready you are to commit by offering to go half-sies on a house plant.  If you were emotionally distant, you need to be emotionally present; think of your mouth as a 24-hour Facebook Status Update, with which you can broadcast exactly how you’re feeling to your beloved at any given moment.  Try to approach the potential new relationship with an ex from a fresh standpoint.  Be honest (with yourself and with her) about what worked and what didn’t.

And also, buy her pretty things.  Women love that shit.

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Dear Ivyy,
What’s your take on waxing?  My boyfriend really likes it when I’m fully waxed, but I frankly don’t really like how I look when I’m completely hairless down there.

Not Quite Bare Down There

Dear Not Quite,
Any good relationship consists of a good amount of compromise.  Your boyfriend digs you all shaved, you don’t so much get off on that- so find a compromise.  Promise him you’ll surprise him for special occasions (his birthday, Christmas Eve, Veteran’s Day, Sukkot) with a completely waxed peach (as the kids say?  I’ve been out of the country, see, and don’t quite know the new hip terminology that’s permeating the schoolyards these days.).

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In return, the rest of the time, the “non-special occasions”, you let yourself go au natural, or as au natural as you like, and your boyfriend promises to absolutely fucking love it.  If he doesn’t dig on completely au natural, or if you absolutely can’t stomach the thought of a full wax, then talk it out.  Figure out a compromise that you both can not only live with, but that you can both completely get off on.

Questions?  Queries?  Send comment to godonnybrook@gmail.com, Lovelies!

About the Author

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq.

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq. is Research Director and Writer of both Denver’s Most Fuckable Rockstars and Handjob and a Reuben. Part time sex columnist, part-time Supreme Court Justice-inspired superhero.

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4 Comments on "A Query from an Ex, and a Request for a Wax"

  1. Team Donnybrook
    godonnybrook December 4, 2008 at 12:07 pm · Reply

    I think with a little creativity, the possibilities are endless for waxing-related compromise! For example:

    http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000805.php

  2. Dr. Lazarus Helm December 5, 2008 at 10:56 am · Reply

    The sheer reality of the situation is that any man who has any real issues with your pussy hair is not much of a man at all. A proper gentleman is inherently thrilled to just be beating that pussy up. In fact, there are advantages to being au natural, the most obvious of which would be avoiding getting your cock burned off via pussy-stubble.

    I like a pussy that knows what it wants and isn’t afraid to go for it. A pussy that knows whether it wants to be a lover or a fighter. Don’t give me no in between, half assed, flip-floppin’ pussy, give me some hardline twat.

  3. Col. Hector Bravado December 7, 2008 at 11:55 am · Reply

    Untended bush=sux0rz
    Try your hand at the maintenance of a svelte “landing strip.” That oughta keep him happy.

  4. Bang Tango'ed December 9, 2008 at 3:42 pm · Reply

    Tell him that you will get a Brazilian if he does. That should take care of that.

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