A Recent Exchange at the Dark Horse in Boulder, CO
Written by Col. Hector Bravado // April 13, 2008 // The Conservatory // 10 Comments
“Hi, I’m here for the Anal Madness.”
“Excuse me?”
“The banner outside says tonight is Anal Madness.”
“It says ‘Burger Madness.’”
“Oh. I guess that’s different. So the burgers don’t come with anal?”
“Nope, just madness.”
“Does the ‘madness’ ever get so mad that it at least verges on anal?”
“Not really.”
“Wow, that sucks. I really had my heart set on Anal Madness tonight. I even wore my best jacket.”
“I can see that.”
“Do you know anywhere nearby that does some Anal Madness, or at least some Crazy Anal Wings, or two-for-one Monster Anal?”
“Um…”
“I mean, I really need some kind of over-the-top dimension for the anal tonight. Look at this jacket.”
“Well, Harpo’s has 50% off all appetizers until 6:30.”
“Do they come w-”
“You’ll have to ask them.”
“I see. Well, I’ll give it a try, but you should tell your manager that at least one customer was really disappointed at there being no Anal Madness.”
“I’ll make sure and let her know.”
“And you might want to redo that banner outside, fix the font or something.”
“Thanks for coming in. Have a good night.”
10 Comments on "A Recent Exchange at the Dark Horse in Boulder, CO"
Have you tried Hamburger Mary’s in Denver?
if you had ordered a burger with everything, anal would have been included, right?
There is no counting the number of times I thought I was getting some anal and ended up with a burger instead.
I had pig ass salami in Paris one time. You can tell by the vaguely septic taste. It was pretty good.
As for Boulder, what the fuck? It is sold (By whom? Good question) to a receptive America as an enlightened, snowy paradise of energized youth and progressive zeal, but when you get there, it’s all about drunk frat boys.
One night, when I was in Boulder, I was drunk. I walked over to a girl at a table in a basement bar and asked her if she would sleep with me. She went to get her boyfriend, so my friend and I sat down, I took a cigarette from the pack on the table, and Cory took the pack and rolled it in his shirtsleeve. The boyfriend came by and wanted to fight, but we weren’t interested. Then he wanted his cigarettes. We weren’t following his script, not remembering any cigarettes, so he left.
Later, in a fit of good judgment, we tried to call a cab from a pizza place, but we were too drunk, so we drove home.
As a visitor, albeit a long term visitor, to Colorado, and never more than a guest in Boulder, I say, to the sky, give me Pueblo.
Burger madness is a Boulder institution. The Dark Horse was one of the few places to smoke after the ban. They have big pool tables, too. It’s like the Sundowner with food.
Anal-riffic.
you gotta remember to slip ‘em a few benjamins…that’ll getcha anal madness every time.
Spoken like a true AILF Hunter
I’m pretty sure in Boulder that denying anything to anyone is a Hate Crime.
And I should know, I spent many years at their drunken university, Naropa.
Please o please Elliot. Tell me, why in God’s name Pueblo?