A Triumph Movie: A Screenplay

Written by  //  April 25, 2011  //  Film  //  10 Comments

EXT. GRITTY URBAN ENVIRONMENT- DAY
Light-hearted montage of SPUNKY YET WISE LEAD CHARACTER (SYWLC) interacting with friends. They are engaging in a Cool Activity- dancing in the streets, playing a competitive sport in a gritty urban park, etc. SYWLC clearly excels at said activity, as evidenced by a few slow-mo closeup shots of SYWLC killing it in an insanely awesome fashion.

ARIBTRARILY ANGRY FRENEMY (AAF)
“Wow, where did you learn how to do that?”

SYWLC stops and looks into the distance. Camera gets hazy as we:

FLASH BACK TO EXT. MEADOW, SLOW MOTION- VERY SUNNY DAY
SYWLC’s Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy teaches SYWLC how to do Cool Activity, then dies horribly while doing Cool Activity right before SYWLC’s eyes.

CUT BACK TO EXT. GRITTY URBAN ENVIRONMENT- DAY
KINDLY BEST FRIEND (KBF), who is attractive but carefully not more attractive than SYWLC, speaks sharply to AAF.

KINDLY BEST FRIEND
“You know SYWLC’s Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy died teaching SYWLC this Cool Activity. SYWLC swore to never compete seriously in Cool Activity ever again, and even now, just engaging in some light-hearted recreation of this Cool Activity brings back painful memories for SYWLC. Also, coincidentally, next week we have to compete in a serious Cool Activity competition, and if we lose, SYWLC will lose Their Little Brother’s Rec Center/Their Grandmother’s House/Their Life.”

CUT TO:

SWORN ENEMY (SE) watching and listening from a distance. SE is jealous of SYWLC’s acumen with Cool Activity, because SE’s family has been doing Cool Activity for generations and SE grew up doing nothing but practicing Cool Activity. So SE is angry that, although SE has the technical chops at Cool Activity, SE just can’t match the effortless LOVE that SWYLC has for Cool Activity, which makes SWYLC obviously better at Cool Activity. (This information is conveyed through a narrowing of the eyes by SE.)

FADE TO INT. PUBLIC SCHOOL GYMNASIUM/DOJO/DANCEHALL- DAY
SWORN ENEMY signs up for Serious Cool Activity Competition.

SWORN ENEMY
“I’ll show You who’s better at Cool Activity, SWYLC.”

EXT. PARK/PIER/SHOPPING MALL- DAY or SOFT EVENING
SYWLC has a meet-cute with BLAND LOVE INTEREST (BLI), who, for the rest of the movie, is in two thirds of the shots, in the background, gazing hopefully at SYWLC. BLI spends the rest of the movie being 100% supportive and trusting of SYWLC, despite having known SYWLC for about 5 minutes.

EXT. DARK EMPTY PIER- NIGHT
SYWLC goes through anguish at the thought of having to compete seriously in Cool Activity. SYWLC tries to engage in Cool Activity all alone on a dark pier, and does it badly, distracted by the memory of dead Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy. SYWLC screams, cries, throws Cool Activity shoes/instrument/uniform into The River, vows to never again engage in Cool Activity. SYWLC walks home alone, and is….

EXT. DARK EMPTY AREA CLOSE TO THE PIER- NIGHT
..intercepted by WISE GRANDFATHER OR UNDERSTANDING FRIEND (WGOUF). WGOUF tells a touching story/secret that makes SYWLC recognize that the death of their Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy was not their fault or the fault of Cool Activity. WGOUF magically produces a newer shinier version of the shoes/instrument/uniform that were lost in The River.

WGOUF
“Win it all, SYWLC. Do it for Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy.”

INT. CROWDED DUSTY APARTMENT- DAY
SYWLC finds OLD COACH, convinces OLD COACH to train them and get them back into shape. SYWLC begins the exercises particular to the Cool Activity as a Popular Music Song plays.

POPULAR MUSIC SONG CONTINUES, AS WE CUT TO:

INT. GYM/GRITTY URBAN ALLEYWAY/COLD BEACH- EARLY MORNING
SYWLC begins to work very hard at a variety of exercises which seemingly have nothing to do with Cool Activity, but which in actuality will make SYWLC even better at Cool Activity.

AS SONG ENDS, FADE UP TO:

INT. PUBLIC SCHOOL GYMNASIUM/DOJO/DANCEHALL- EVENING
SYWLC, BLI, KBF, AAF, and OLD COACH arrive at Serious Competition with the odds stacked against them. They see SE and SE’s cohorts. Eyes are narrowed. SE and SE’s cohorts do something underhanded that causes the odds to be stacked even more against SYWLC. The Serious Competition begins. SE goes first, and is very good. SYWLC is nervous. When it’s time for SYWLC to compete/perform, SYWLC stops and looks into the distance. Camera gets hazy as we…

FADE TO:

EXT. MEADOW- EXTREMELY SUNNY DAY
SYWLC’s Mom/Dad/Little Brother/Puppy is standing in a beautiful meadow, smiling serenely.

MOM/DAD/LITTLE BROTHER/PUPPY
“I love you, SYWLC! I’m proud of you! Now go out and win this Serious Competition! Do it for me!”

INT. PUBLIC SCHOOl GYMNASIUM/DOJO/DANCEHALL- EVENING
SYWLC competes/performs and is very good. SYWLC wins the competition. BLI runs up and throws their arms around SYWLC. Close-up of SYWLC crying and smiling, all at once.

FREEZE FRAME.

CREDITS.

About the Author

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq.

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq. is Research Director and Writer of both Denver’s Most Fuckable Rockstars and Handjob and a Reuben. Part time sex columnist, part-time Supreme Court Justice-inspired superhero.

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10 Comments on "A Triumph Movie: A Screenplay"

  1. Doobla Ve Jones April 25, 2011 at 11:18 am · Reply

    Hey now….who said you can make a movie about my life? i guess its cool and all, but cut a brother some royalties.

    Man, BLI was fine!

  2. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook April 25, 2011 at 11:35 am · Reply

    I feel like a million bucks! In my head, SYWLC won an extreme yazz flute competition against Alan Rickman.

  3. Ivyy April 25, 2011 at 11:42 am · Reply

    Oooooh Alan Rickman!!! I forgot to mention- Alan Rickman is always SE’s coach/dad. You know, the mean coach/dad who pushes SE too hard and forces him to “sweep the leg”, as it were.

  4. browneheather April 25, 2011 at 11:48 am · Reply

    have i told you lately that i love you, and that you make me cry and smile all at the same time?

  5. Ethereal JB April 25, 2011 at 3:06 pm · Reply

    There’s either not enough, or too much of this in today’s cinema. I can’t tell which.

    One thing’s for sure, there DEFINITELY aren’t enough talking puppies.

  6. Ace Wellington The Third April 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm · Reply

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbhrz1-4hN4

    ^ Check that- i find it both similar to this and hilarious.

    • Professor Honeydew April 26, 2011 at 1:23 am · Reply

      Exceptional linkage, Ace!

    • Ivyy April 26, 2011 at 8:24 am · Reply

      Ha that trailer is brilliant!!!

      • Professor Honeydew April 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm · Reply

        Also: exceptional satire, Ivyy. One of the favorite things I’ve read on here in quite a while.

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