An Open Post To Dr. Conrad Murray
Our resident Miss Manners has a message for the World’s Most Hated Doctor.
Hello my Lovelies! Let me preface this month’s post by admitting that I had to preempt my regularly scheduled Life Lessons to address an incredibly important subject to me. Originally, the theme of this month’s column was going to be Revenge – how to plan it, how to execute it, and how to get away with – Arabella Style. I will still have that post for you, rest assured, but with recent events regarding the fate of Dr. Murray, I just felt compelled to talk about an entirely different kind of revenge altogether – that being the Misplaced Revenge, or the Hollow Revenge – The Pointless Revenge. Whatever you want to call it.
Many of you now are going to call me out as being an asshole, and it’s okay, I’m used to it, but hear me out – first, some might say that anyone who can sympathize with Dr. Murray must have disliked Michael Jackson – which is incredibly far from the truth. I LOVE Michael Jackson. Not in the passing, “Yeah he made great music, what a shame” kind of a way, or the “Well I used to love him, but now he’s a pedo” way – no – I LOVE me some MJ – I always have and I always will.
Don’t believe me? Let me offer you my MJ Credentials – I know every word to every song off “Off the Wall”, “Thriller”, “Bad” and yes, even “Dangerous.” I’ve dressed as MJ for Halloween more times than I could ever count. When Mumsy made me get rid of my Michael Jackson sheets, I made the staff cut them up and make them into pajamas. When my best gay Dirk and I were kids – we had every move down and every line memorized from our VHS copies of “Moonwalker” and “The Making of Thriller.” So don’t tell ME who’s a fan of MJ, okay?
When the abuse allegations first surfaced, I was completely torn. How do you get over that? How do you forgive that? Because in addition to the young boys he scarred for life, in a way he scarred all of us too – it was like finding out Santa Claus is actually Satan if you buy into this guy.
I didn’t want to believe it – and while it was never actually proven in a court of law, in the court of opinion the evidence against him was too strong not to cast doubt on him for the rest of his life. But you know what? I forgave him. Did he molest me? No, of course not, so is it at all fair for me to say that I forgive him or not? Probably not. When I say that I forgive him, it’s from the perspective of a lifelong fan. Child abuse is something to be taken very seriously – and as much as his persecutors want to denounce him for his actions – I have to admit that I felt sorry for him.
He had maintained for years that he was a victim of abuse himself at the hands of his father – how he chose to process that abuse and internalize it to the point that he himself could’ve become the abuser is unfortunately a very common theme with abuse victims. If he had been anyone else with the same past but who hadn’t made the immense contribution to society that Michael did would I still be so forgiving? Honestly, probably not – but this is MICHAEL FUCKING JACKSON we’re talking about!
The reason I touch on that is again to highlight just how much I loved that man – Michael was like the model of childhood innocence. He believed in love, in kindness, in charity, and he had a talent that will never be duplicated.
So why do I feel sorry for the man that helped end his life? Because he was just as big of a fan as I was – and how can anyone who was in love with MJ sit there and say they wouldn’t have been as enamored with him as Dr. Murray was to the point of doing whatever Michael said? He was being paid to be at his side – I would’ve done it for free, but that’s beside the point –money aside, who of us would be able to hang out with MJ on a daily basis and not be in love with everything he said? Which one of us could be besties with the King of Pop and not go along with whatever he wanted?
I’m not talking about the people that didn’t get him, or didn’t love his music, or only thought of him in passing. Michael was a World Icon – those of us that looked at him as a physical embodiment of our childhoods – how would any of you have been able to sit and stare your idol in the face and tell him NO?
So many celebrities are rejoicing at Murray’s conviction – and yes, because of his negligence, of course he was partly culpable which is why he was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and not a worse charge. But there’s just this part of me that can’t shake this – I can’t feel good about this. Michael had a drug problem. A very serious one. And he was surrounded by enablers. Who’s to say that if any of his other handlers had been on hand and Michael had asked for more drugs that any of them would’ve said no to him either? Murray may have delivered the fatal shot of Propofol, but his patient most certainly ordered him to do so.
The Rev. Al Sharpton recently tweeted: “Murray’s conviction is just a down payment for the family of Michael Jackson.” And that scares the shit out of me. He may have meant it figuratively, as in they have closure now, but now that he’s been convicted in criminal court this is going to mean that the Jackson’s, who have a very public history of riding on MJ’s coattails and mooching everything they possibly can off of being connected to him, they all now have just the ammunition they need to sue him in civil court. All the millions they hoped to siphon off of their brother was cut short the day he died and you know they’re going to be out for a payback.
As of this writing, Murray’s waiting to get his side of the story told in a documentary that was supposed air on several channels on Friday but now may be cancelled altogether since the Jackson family has called it “disgusting“. He’s being held in solitary confinement in the medical wing of LA County Jail and I’m just hoping that he remains safe. It’s believed that due to overcrowding he may only serve a fraction of whatever sentence the judge gives him but I can’t help but have this sinking feeling that he’s going to be harmed while he’s incarcerated and I don’t believe he deserves that at all. He was an average man, like any of us, who got caught up in the infatuation of fame and all that it entailed. He acted irresponsibly and it resulted in the death of a beloved figure that had a long history of problems with drugs.
As much as my love for Michael Jackson makes me want to hate the man that hastened his death, I just can’t. I can’t sit there and hate someone when I probably would’ve made the same mistakes had I been in their shoes and I don’t feel like it’s fair that he’s now one of the most hated men in the world. He will forever be ducking the crosshairs of crazed fans seeking this hollow vengeance – because that’s what it is, it’s empty. Michael was on his way out no matter who helped him do it but none of these people can admit that and that frightens me. No one is a winner here – this insane, seething lynch mob that’s been out for Murray’s blood is no way to honor a man who lived his life promoting nothing but love, forgiveness, and acceptance.