Bartender Blogs: A Benefit for Rich People (us).

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Asking for help is a difficult task for which the modern rich person is decidedly ill-equipped. We do not take to charity very well. (I once killed a man because he let a rumor fly that I had accepted financial assistance from my grandfather during the depression.) However, times have changed. Charity being the death of dignity is no longer as clear-cut as it once was. Moreover, it has come to my attention that it isn’t just my rich self that is in need of financial assistance, but it is a fact that ALL rich people in the world are having a very tough go at it lately.

In the past, we’ve always had ways of acquiring wealth that in many ways parallels those of the poor and middle class. When we need a quick hundred thousand for whatever reason we simply guilt daddy or some other rich relative into our cause. Panhandling is almost no different – except the panhandler squanders his earnings on inhalants or cheap wine, which ironically profits me because I own stock in toxic adhesives and Gallo Wine Co. (Thunderbird and Night Train vintagers).

However, panhandling among the rich just isn’t working anymore.

In response to our collective money problems all 28 of the richest men in the universe got together at the Donnybrook Gentleman’s Club, formed committees with delegates, and after many bottles of scotch, amidst a cloud of cigar smoke someone uttered, “The poor should help us for a change!” The committees reacted positively to this idea and it was furthered that a benefit be organized in order to raise awareness about the plight of rich man.

Let it be known that on September 6, 2009 at 2pm the Donnybrook Writing Academy will be hosting a “Benefit for Rich People” at the Larimer Lounge. Complete with some of the best bands in Denver (see poster), liquor and many humble rich people asking for your help. (Most of the rich people won’t actually be there, but their servants will be there to accept any donations.)

Whether it is accepting more of the tax-burden, allowing your children to work in our factories or simply letting an old aristocrat like myself straddle your back so that I may ride to my countryside estate to see my thoroughbreds. (They haven’t felt my gentle whip in near a fortnight!) We will accept any help you can offer.

Keep drinking and helping the rich stay rich,

The Bartender