On Death

Histrionic diary entries, angsty yearbook scrawlings, and really bad poetry brought back from teenagerhood and the other side of cool. Dates may be omitted and names may have been changed, but rest assured these are legit.

Diary Entry from 2001 (17 yrs old)

Sometimes you get this feeling that you’re going to die. At least I do. When I was in Littleton with my family, after I took some codeine pain killers for cramps, we were having this discussion about getting old and having to deal with health problems. My mom said “Well, we’ll all have to go through that someday” and this voice just popped into my head that said, “I’m not.” As if I’ll die before I grow old. It was so sudden and foreign that it almost made me jump. The whole drive home on the highway, in the dark, in the pouring rain, I felt like I was going to die. I can almost compare it to being afraid of heights – I’ve heard that that phobia roots from one’s fear that they are going to jump. Those weird hidden instincts. My hamsters had it, they would always walk off the bed.”