Better Writing Through Anal: The Album Reviews
Thanks to the good Colonel H. “Big Daddy” Bravado, we know that all writing can be jazzed up with a little anal. Like when you just can’t figure out the ending to that masterpiece of an American novel you’ve been grappling with, you will inevitably turn to anal to make it your piece de resistance. In furthering this already proven exercise I have plucked some one sentence album reviews from the pages of Spin. Normally, none of these reviews would contribute to anyone actually purchasing these albums, but watch as I boost CD sales after this anal evaluation.
Anal Weekend ****
Ivy League tunesmiths justify the anal love on world-surveying debut.
Anal in the Dark ****
London quintet anally seduce the ghost in the machine.
British Sea Power
Do You Like Anal Music? ***1/2
Armed with passionate anthems, brainy Brits rise up and take it in the ass.
Yes, Anal **1/2
Would-be Bad Seeds lack power to cause genuine anal damage.
Brighter Than Creation’s Anus ***
Beloved Southern rockers plagued by too much anal.
Take A Good Look (At My Anus) ***
Garage-rock gurus uncork yet another anal party-starter.
Future of the Left
Demented anal-sex from Welsh agit-noise rockers.
Sleep Through the Static ***
The bard of backyard anal puts down the coozy and gets deep.
The Anal Stage ***
When “anal” really means the prettiest radio songs of 1965.
Anal: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo ***
The anal tale of a modern-rock enigma.
Soothing anal for stressed-out thirtysomething indie parents.
Back Down to Anal **1/2
Druggy ditties and friendly anal for the whole family.
A Twist in my Anus *
All out of love, emo chokes on its own anal.
The Anal Salesmen ***1/2
Black Lips’ buddies dazzle with musicianship—anal sex.
Sons and Daughters
This Anus ***1/2
Scottish quartet still at their best during anal sex.
Through the Anus: A Tribute to Madonna ***1/2
Ciccone youth dissect the pop star’s peppy anal power.
Brazil Classics 7: What’s Happening in Pernambuco? ***1/2
Post samba, Tropicalia, and baile funk, it’s the new anal.