Say My Motherfucking Name!

Written by  //  August 29, 2012  //  Televised Entertainment in Review, The Theatre  //  4 Comments

“Do you really want to live in a world without Coca Cola?”

First, my apologies Lovelies, I took ill over the weekend and have been sequestered in the West Wing of Arabella Manor lest Mumsy catch anything. Consuela is hard at work converting Walk-In Closet Number Three-East into a sweat lodge so I may expedite the healing process, so I write this recap in between bouts of delirium brought upon by both fever and my functioning addiction to opiates.

So here we go: Walter fingers his new Badass wound as he, Jesse and Mike head out to the desert to meet their methylamine buyer. He introduces himself as the man behind the meth and tries to renegotiate their agreement to keep himself cooking, allowing the buyer to take over distribution for a retiring Mike. They resist, but damn if Walt’s not the smoothest motherfucker from around the way. That opening sequence just proves to the world once again why this is the best thing that’s ever been made for television since The Twilight Zone and Star Trek. That’s right. I went there. Breaking Bad’s on THAT level.

Back at Vamonos, Jesse reminds Walter that he’s also planning to retire and would like the $5 mil buyout Walt promised. Mike makes his goodbyes and Walter gets all diva about it and walks inside, staring creepily at them from the window as Jesse and Mike have their Awww moment of a farewell. Walt then shows up at the carwash with Jesse and a Vamonos truck to grab the stashed methylamine, dodging Skyler’s questions and shooing her back inside.

The lawyer representing Gus Fring’s incarcerated team shows up at a bank with yumyum cookies (they have bacon in them!) to open a shit ton of safety deposit boxes. He places $150k in each one, the biggest one with all the money goes to Kaylee, for her 18th birthday. Mike goes to a well in the middle of nowhere and dumps all of his weapons and the laptop he was using to listen to Hank’s office. He’s not a minute too soon, of course, and comfortably watches a movie as Hank and the DEA comes up with bupkis.

Walt’s trying to keep it to business as usual when Jesse arrives at Vamonos to talk. Before he can get a word out Walt proposes that Jesse start a lab of his own, doubling their output. Jesse nixes that idea and the following exchange between them as they argue about him leaving is the perfect example of why Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul are both nominated for Emmy’s this year.

At the DEA Hank’s still distracted by Mike during an important debriefing. He gets in trubs for being too focused on the Fring Case. Gomez comes in to see if he can help and they decide to try following the cookie loving lawyer, which is a great idea for their case but a bad idea for our favorite hitman.

Todd’s going to take over for Jesse and I might’ve tripped over my rolling eyes. LOVED the Monkees playing during the cook montage this week; I’m a bit of an obsessed fan. He’s no Jesse, but Walt seems hopeful at his potential. It’s kind of like when Consuela goes on vacation and I’m forced to deal with Marcela – it’s not that she doesn’t do a good job, but she doesn’t perfectly place my pillows at 45 degree angles the way Consuela does – it’s about quality work, you know?

When the attorney arrives back at the bank (this time with cake pops!) the clerk doesn’t greet him as warmly, which would’ve clued me in that something was going on and motivated me to make a break for it. Instead he goes in to try and deliver more cash and as he’s opening his bag Gomez steps in and blocks his exit, smiling. Anyone else wishing they could punch Gomez in the face right then? I get that he’s trying to do his job and catch bad guys, but I don’t care who you rob or kill, anyone that can make bacon cookies and cake pops of pure adorableness is squaresies in my book.

Back at the White’s, Walt tries to talk to Skyler about finding a capable new cooking partner and uses her walking away and ignoring him as an excuse to go in and see Hank again when he’s really getting the bugs out of his office. While he’s there Gomez interrupts and Walt hears him tell Hank about the attorney’s impending flippage against Mike. Mike’s enjoying an afternoon at the park with his granddaughter when the yum yum lawyer calls him, searching for where he is. Mike gives his location away before he realizes that something’s not right. Walt calls to warn him as well but it’s too late. Local cars are pulling up to the park to apprehend him – this was where I kind of took a bit of an exception, because I think the Mike we all know and love would’ve figured out something was up sooner. It just didn’t seem right to me that he wouldn’t have figured out by the lawyer’s tone of voice that he was being setup and would’ve stalled on giving away his location. He’s smarter than that. But for the sake of the story, all right, whatever.

Walt and Jesse are at Saul’s trying to figure out what to do about Mike’s situation. Walt believes Mike will turn on them, but that’s bullshit and we all know it. Walt’s had a power struggle with Mike this whole time and this is just an excuse to further poison Jesse’s affection for him. Jesse knows better and insists Mike would never do that when Mike calls the office and tries to get Saul to bring him his “Go” bag with passports and escape money. Saul resists because he knows he’s being tailed by the DEA and would give away Mike’s location. Mike won’t let Jesse volunteer and risk his safety, so Walt agrees to grab it and bring it to him. That’s when I started to get a sinking feeling in my gut that I knew wasn’t the codeine getting on top of me. When Walt arrives in the middle of nowhere to drop off Mike’s things he holds the bag hostage to try and get the names of Mike’s nine legacy members out of him. Mike refuses and grabs the bag, which of course pisses Walt off…

What follows is the breaking of my heart into a million pieces, and I’m sorry, but I shan’t speak of it. I heart you Mike Ehrmantraut. I heart you SO HARD.

About the Author

Alistair Blake Arabella

“Alistair Blake Arabella” is the brainchild of entertainment writer and managing editor Vanessa “2 Fingers” Berben . If you’re missing the latest refill of your Dexedrine prescription, there’s a good a chance Alistair’s in your bathroom and has already crushed it up and snorted it. Now be a good little kitten and fetch her drink. If you’d like to receive the hallowed word of Alistair drop a line to AskAlistair@gmail.com – you just may be in the next episode of “Ask Alistar” if you’re very, very lucky.

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4 Comments on "Say My Motherfucking Name!"

  1. Mark in Omaha August 29, 2012 at 2:29 pm · Reply

    I heart Mike too. Great character, good counterweight to Walt, the show will be diminished with him gone, and I’m not sure it was really needed. Also Walt being such a dick to Jesse earlier was a great scene, it is further setting up his transformation into a totally evil character. So these are my issues. They wrote the ending of last season so that the whole series could have stood alone, Walt saved Jesse, took out the bad guy, and they walked away from the super lab. They tied up a lot of loose ends, since they weren’t sure if they were going to get renewed or not. Now they only have 8 episodes and another 8 to come later. They seem to be going at a pretty frantic pace (for them) and creating conflicts, situations etc. that don’t really make sense.

    Why would Walt get in Jesse’s face like that, he want’s him as a partner. For that matter, why not keep Mike as an out of the scene consultant and still offer to pay off “his guys”. How many days ago (in series time) was he in a crawl space hiding from hit men? You don’t get to be “the guy” without having loyal henchmen. How do you make them loyal, give them huge amounts of money! Don’t make an enemy when you don’t have to.

    The whole cookie lawyer, lock box thing doesn’t make sense. The DEA can’t just show up and open a vault door when you are placing items in a lock box. Mike of all people wouldn’t have left all that cash just lying there for a young girl. Happy 18th, here is $5 million, in cash, don’t tell anyone and the IRS will seize it if they find out about it. Cookie lawyer calls Mike and local cops are on him in three minutes. I wish the cops could come that fast. And why would Mike give his location to this guy over his cell phone. You would say something like, I’ll meet you at “some code word” place in two hours not broadcast your 20 over the airwaves.

    The timeline doesn’t make sense, what should have been two days, three at most but the DEA has a tail on the guy, figured out what he was doing, got a subpeona, nailed him, and “sweated him for 14 hours”. How often was he putting money into those lock boxes? Maybe you spend it faster than I do but $150k would last me longer than a week. BTW, this is a really really really stupid way to launder money or pay off people. Another example of the lack of detail the writers are showing. Didn’t they pull the same stunt three weeks ago with the account numbers in the Grand Caymens?

    Say my name bitch. For an actual criminal he seemed kind of wussy. In reality Walt would say “We’re the best cooks around and your competition. The bad guy would say, “Not any more” blam, blam. Two dead cooks. BTW, did you notice that Mike shook his head no to henchmen number 2 during Walt’s speech. What was the no for? No, don’t try it or I’ll kill you, or No, Walt isn’t the hard ass he thinks he is? Another reason I will miss Mike’s character.

    Walt steals the methlamine, it’s inside plastic tanks on a trailer. Last week Jesse went out to smoke a cig then Todd came out. They are leaning against plastic tanks on a trailer. (Bring up the screen shot). So Walt took it. Now where in the world could Walt hide a trailer with a big plastic tank on it? In his driveway? In Saul’s parking lot? Wait a minute, doesn’t he own a car wash? Mike’s an ex-cop, wouldn’t he figure that out in 5 minutes?

    Mike set up a safe car with a go bag in it, in some long term parking place. The cops weren’t following him when he set everything up for an emergency exit if needed. He needed his emergency exit, and calls up other people to go get the bag out of the safe car in a location no one else knows about? Huh? Take a cab to the car and leave! Problem solved. Now, don’t you wish you had stashed some of that $5 mil. in other locations?

    RIP Mike Ehrmantraut RIP.

    • Alistair Blake Arabella
      Alistair Blake Arabella September 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm · Reply

      Agree with you completely – it’s as if they’re scrambling a bit to now tie up every loose end they can think of while throwing in as much crap as they can. It’s hard to keep track. And there are so many decisions being made that just make zero sense, much like this weeks… hurry and watch so we can talk about that one!

  2. Maximillian Archimedes Stoneburner August 30, 2012 at 10:03 am · Reply

    Oh Mike… Mike, Mike, Mike… I think what I enjoyed most about this episode is that rather than it going from day to day, we are seeing Walter go between Mr. White and Heisenberg by the minute… He goes and offs Mike and then instantly he is “Oh my gosh! What have I done??”
    Do we think that the DEA will find out about Casey’s 18th birthday present? Will Todd prove more valuable than previously thought with his prison connections possibly taking care of the 9 loose ends on the inside?

    • Alistair Blake Arabella
      Alistair Blake Arabella September 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm · Reply

      I’ll pretend we both haven’t watched last nights episode – but yeah, I totally knew when Todd mentioned his prison connects the other week that it was going to lead to him offering to help them with their Legacy problem.
      And when they caught Mike there was a quick comment – I think from Gomez but could’ve been Hank – where he said they seized the money that was for Haylee and she was never going to see any of it. I agree with Mark – it seems really stupid to keep their money like that!

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