Say My Motherfucking Name!
“Do you really want to live in a world without Coca Cola?”
First, my apologies Lovelies, I took ill over the weekend and have been sequestered in the West Wing of Arabella Manor lest Mumsy catch anything. Consuela is hard at work converting Walk-In Closet Number Three-East into a sweat lodge so I may expedite the healing process, so I write this recap in between bouts of delirium brought upon by both fever and my functioning addiction to opiates.
So here we go: Walter fingers his new Badass wound as he, Jesse and Mike head out to the desert to meet their methylamine buyer. He introduces himself as the man behind the meth and tries to renegotiate their agreement to keep himself cooking, allowing the buyer to take over distribution for a retiring Mike. They resist, but damn if Walt’s not the smoothest motherfucker from around the way. That opening sequence just proves to the world once again why this is the best thing that’s ever been made for television since The Twilight Zone and Star Trek. That’s right. I went there. Breaking Bad’s on THAT level.
Back at Vamonos, Jesse reminds Walter that he’s also planning to retire and would like the $5 mil buyout Walt promised. Mike makes his goodbyes and Walter gets all diva about it and walks inside, staring creepily at them from the window as Jesse and Mike have their Awww moment of a farewell. Walt then shows up at the carwash with Jesse and a Vamonos truck to grab the stashed methylamine, dodging Skyler’s questions and shooing her back inside.
The lawyer representing Gus Fring’s incarcerated team shows up at a bank with yumyum cookies (they have bacon in them!) to open a shit ton of safety deposit boxes. He places $150k in each one, the biggest one with all the money goes to Kaylee, for her 18th birthday. Mike goes to a well in the middle of nowhere and dumps all of his weapons and the laptop he was using to listen to Hank’s office. He’s not a minute too soon, of course, and comfortably watches a movie as Hank and the DEA comes up with bupkis.
Walt’s trying to keep it to business as usual when Jesse arrives at Vamonos to talk. Before he can get a word out Walt proposes that Jesse start a lab of his own, doubling their output. Jesse nixes that idea and the following exchange between them as they argue about him leaving is the perfect example of why Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul are both nominated for Emmy’s this year.
At the DEA Hank’s still distracted by Mike during an important debriefing. He gets in trubs for being too focused on the Fring Case. Gomez comes in to see if he can help and they decide to try following the cookie loving lawyer, which is a great idea for their case but a bad idea for our favorite hitman.
Todd’s going to take over for Jesse and I might’ve tripped over my rolling eyes. LOVED the Monkees playing during the cook montage this week; I’m a bit of an obsessed fan. He’s no Jesse, but Walt seems hopeful at his potential. It’s kind of like when Consuela goes on vacation and I’m forced to deal with Marcela – it’s not that she doesn’t do a good job, but she doesn’t perfectly place my pillows at 45 degree angles the way Consuela does – it’s about quality work, you know?
When the attorney arrives back at the bank (this time with cake pops!) the clerk doesn’t greet him as warmly, which would’ve clued me in that something was going on and motivated me to make a break for it. Instead he goes in to try and deliver more cash and as he’s opening his bag Gomez steps in and blocks his exit, smiling. Anyone else wishing they could punch Gomez in the face right then? I get that he’s trying to do his job and catch bad guys, but I don’t care who you rob or kill, anyone that can make bacon cookies and cake pops of pure adorableness is squaresies in my book.
Back at the White’s, Walt tries to talk to Skyler about finding a capable new cooking partner and uses her walking away and ignoring him as an excuse to go in and see Hank again when he’s really getting the bugs out of his office. While he’s there Gomez interrupts and Walt hears him tell Hank about the attorney’s impending flippage against Mike. Mike’s enjoying an afternoon at the park with his granddaughter when the yum yum lawyer calls him, searching for where he is. Mike gives his location away before he realizes that something’s not right. Walt calls to warn him as well but it’s too late. Local cars are pulling up to the park to apprehend him – this was where I kind of took a bit of an exception, because I think the Mike we all know and love would’ve figured out something was up sooner. It just didn’t seem right to me that he wouldn’t have figured out by the lawyer’s tone of voice that he was being setup and would’ve stalled on giving away his location. He’s smarter than that. But for the sake of the story, all right, whatever.
Walt and Jesse are at Saul’s trying to figure out what to do about Mike’s situation. Walt believes Mike will turn on them, but that’s bullshit and we all know it. Walt’s had a power struggle with Mike this whole time and this is just an excuse to further poison Jesse’s affection for him. Jesse knows better and insists Mike would never do that when Mike calls the office and tries to get Saul to bring him his “Go” bag with passports and escape money. Saul resists because he knows he’s being tailed by the DEA and would give away Mike’s location. Mike won’t let Jesse volunteer and risk his safety, so Walt agrees to grab it and bring it to him. That’s when I started to get a sinking feeling in my gut that I knew wasn’t the codeine getting on top of me. When Walt arrives in the middle of nowhere to drop off Mike’s things he holds the bag hostage to try and get the names of Mike’s nine legacy members out of him. Mike refuses and grabs the bag, which of course pisses Walt off…