Concerned Interview: Mike Marchant

Written by  //  January 2, 2009  //  Interviews, The Conservatory  //  2 Comments

Mike M
As concerned citizens, Donnybrook turns our sharpened critical eyes on emerging artists – to make sure they’re up to our standards, see? In this interview, Angora Holly Polo fires tough questions at Widowers’ front man Mike Marchant, who is releasing a solo EP called “Outer Space and the Sea” January 9th at the Meadowlark. To get a sampling, click here or visit his Myspace!

ahem. Question the First:
You “say” you have “two” releases coming up, one that is a “solo” and one with your “band.” We are concerned. Does this band “exist”? Please tell the board all about your band, and try to not mind the bright light shining in your eyes.

My “band” is a 17-person collective comprised entirely of musicians that posses crippling but irrational phobias. We’re called Dinosaur Insurance.

We’re just kidding, we love Widowers. We just wanted to see if you thought they were any good.
Question the Second:
When and where can we have our In Touch Magazine + whiskey + trashy gossip party? Please answer in spy code; we don’t want the general public to attend.

ht01 yraunaJ no tol gnikrap tegraT repuS

Question the Third:
How great do you think our exclusive party will be? Please tell the general public seven things they will be missing out on. Bonus points if you use more inside jokes.

1. PG-13 Rated “Brief Partial Nudity”
2. PG Rated “Teen Partying”
3. G Rated Super Sweet Hannah Montana hats
4. R Rated “Full Frontal Nudity”- most likely myself or Guido
5. PG-13 Rated “Adult Language”- heated debates about “Who wore it better?” features
6. G Rated discussions about how undeniably lovely those Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie babies are
7. NC-17 Rated “Visible Penetration”- Fascinations is in the same parking lot

Question the Fourth:
Let’s talk about you now. How great do YOU think Donnybrook is?

Since the end of the year is just around the corner, I’ll answer this one in Top-Ten List format:

1. Puppies
2. Sex
3. Ice Cream
4. Donnybrook Writing Academy
5. Maker’s Mark
6. Bill Murray
7. Bar Bar
8. Christmas
9. “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
10. Drinking Maker’s Mark at Bar Bar with Bill Murray’s puppy

Question the Fifth: OK, OK. So tell us about this album. I hear it’s called “Outer Space and the Sea.” Sum up the whole concept of your album; you will be given bonus points if you sneak in the phrase “sad bastard” somewhere.

I had a lengthy conversation with a friend (at the aforementioned Bar Bar) in which we wondered why mental well-being is always described with words that relate to altitude- think “highs and lows”, “ups and downs”.  If happiness is indeed found at high altitude, outer space is the place to be. However, this is a bit silly because I’m sure outer space can be pretty damn frightening (exhibit A: popular Will Smith vehicle “Independence Day”).  Despite the flaws in our theory, we decided that outer space is dreamy and the bottom of the ocean is scary as hell.  This record contains some upbeat pop tunes as well as some good ol’ sad bastard folk tunes, which is why I titled it “Outer Space and the Sea”.  The way I see it, pretentious album titles are acceptable if they were birthed by jokes or drunken conversations.

Question the Sixth:
One of your songs boasts the lyrics: “Lord I hope you’ll be around / when my weary bones find their way to the ground.”
What happens when we die?
* NOTE: there IS a correct answer, and you will be counted off if incorrect.*

Visit Focus on the Family’s website, they’ll tell you the absolute truth. They know what’s going on down there in the Springs.

Question 7:
You have a gray streak in your hair, but you’re only 17! What’s up with that?! Just kidding. We got that off your myspace. But seriously, will you consider dying your gray streak pink? We think it would be cute.

I’ll work on that, then take 76 photos of myself in the mirror and upload them to my non-existent Facebook profile.

Question 8: If we come to your CD release January 9th at Meadowlark, what will YOU do for US?

If YOU come to my CD Release, I will give YOU a once in a lifetime opportunity to pay for something that you can get for free on the internet.

Last Question:
Our servant girls think you’re cute. Everyone knows the more good-looking you are, the worse your music will be (i.e. Britney Spears versus Janis Joplin). How do you plan to overcome this hindrance in appearance?

You have servant girls? I hope you have servant boys too, it’s 2008 my friends and we’re all equal. That aside, my plan is to shave my whole body, then have all the hair transplanted onto my neck.

After hours of deliberation, the verdict has been reached: Mike Marchant is not only officially endorsed by the snobs at the Donnybrook Writing Academy; but from this moment on our policy has been changed to include servant boys who have crushes on him. Go see him January 9th at Meadowlark!

About the Author

Angora Holly Polo

Angora Holly Polo is the Czar of Donnybrook Manor, moderator of leisure, purveyor of intrigue. You may email her offerings of gold at

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2 Comments on "Concerned Interview: Mike Marchant"

  1. Rbt. B Rutherford January 2, 2009 at 12:39 pm · Reply

    It’s good to see that DWA made it to #4 on Mr. Marchant’s list. Fuck you Bill Murray. Fuck you too, Christmas.

  2. Father Guido Sarducci IV
    Guido Sarducci IV January 2, 2009 at 7:27 pm · Reply

    If you were fucking Bill Murray than you’d be at #2 on that list. Hooray for sex!!

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