Tiffany Childs from Wayward Panties and Yelp
Photos by Gigbot
As concerned citizens, Donnybrook turns our sharpened critical eyes on emerging artists – to make sure they’re up to our standards, see? In this interview, Angora Holly Polo fires tough questions at Tiffany Childs of the music blog Wayward Panties and Yelp in anticipation of the monumental party she’s throwing called Yelpapalooza. This sexy party of epic proportions takes place Saturday, May 9th at Skylark Lounge. If you have a Yelp account (sign up is free at yelp.com) you can RSVP to email@example.com with your full name, your Yelp URL and a guests name for a bunch of free shit at the party. See the interview below for just what that entails.
Ahem. Question the First:
You have a blog called Wayward Panties, yet I have not once seen your panties at a show, nor have they been what you might call “wayward.” Why do you lie?
I prefer to think of it less like lying and more like playing hard to get.
Question the Second: Your blog features completely adorable design with highly useful music news, a weekly concert calendar, and fun columns like the Lover and the Hater. We’re smitten. Will you show us your panties?
I seem to have misplaced them at the moment, but as soon as I find a pair again I’ll have my courier bring them to the manor.
Your other job is working for Yelp. Please make up a completely fictional explanation of what you do there.
Imagine a magical kingdom; we’ll call it Denver. Inside this kingdom there exists the tastiest morsels of food you’ve ever had. Not only that, but there is a person who will style your hair so well that strangers will stop you on the street and ask if you are indeed a member of the esteemed Donnybrook Manor. That’s just how good you’ll look. There’s even a worker that marches your dog around the park to your heart’s content whilst you enjoy a refreshing glass of champagne or a nice non-sweaty game of tennis. There is a business for any kind of service your tender heart and intellectual head can imagine in this majestic land of Denver.
Unfortunately there is also an evil enemy trying to kill of all of the moms and pops in the kingdom. And once they are gone he replaces them with a slightly more vanilla version of themselves and tries to convince the townsfolk it’s the same. Cruel, isn’t it?
I am like the Princess of this kingdom, slaying this enemy and his many replicas (oh yes, he reproduces like a rabbit) with a mighty pen. This pen writes the Weekly Yelp each Tuesday and shares my own experiences around the land so people know where they can indulge themselves while avoiding the foe. Also, I bring the townsfolk together in celebration at least every three fortnights where they get to know one another to share their experiences about town and we make merriment that lasts for hours.
You “claim” that “Yelp Denver” has been around for “one year,” and you’re throwing “one helluva party to celebrate” at Skylark Lounge May 9th. What is the meaning of this word, “helluva”? The manor isn’t familiar with such euphemisms.
Hmm… this word is something my PR people told me would make the party sound as rad as it’s going to be. They are from the East Coast. But, from what I understand it means the party will be more memorable than that night you had Mad Dog bottle service at Rockbar.
Yelpapalooza features local bands Able Archer, The Hollyfelds and The Knew; DJ Savior Breath; the Gigbot photobooth; Luxe Salon will be providing rock and roll hairstyles free of charge; and Mermaids Pie and Bakery House will provide free sweets; and if you RSVP you get free drinks from Great Divide Brewery, Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka and Dr. McGillicuddy’s. Are you trying to kill us with fun?
In a word, yes. But, what a way to go.
Yelp is a web site that features “Real People. Real Reviews.” Explain to us this new modern concept of caring about what “real people” think. We are intrigued.
Let’s say you’re really interested in having another six martini night like this one. But, it’s been too soon since the last one to go to your usual haunts – you were riding around in a shopping cart. Just look in the Yelp bars section and find six new bars that meet your criteria. Because these other real people have taken the time to write what they experienced you’ll know where to go and where to avoid. And some of these real people are even nice enough to create a list for you like this one, cutting down on any search work your peasants of the manor had to do, allowing them more time to serve you drinks and so forth. Plus Col. Hector is doing it.
If we come to your party, what will YOU do for US? (please see John Wenzel‘s answer to this question for inspiration)
Besides give you free beer, shots and cupcakes? Umm… There’s a chance I may show you my panties.*
Will you come as a Yelp representative and review Donnybrook Manor? We swear, it will be a five stars kind of night.
I’d like to, but that would mean divulging the address of the Manor and imagine how the peasants would swarm you. Perhaps we could just have a private 5-star night?
Will you show us your panties?
Please see my answer above regarding you coming to Yelpapalooza.
Well, there you have it! The Board has deliberated, and we’ve come to the unanimous decision that anyone who uses the term “fortnight” is alright in our world – plus, there will be free booze at this party. The Donnybrookite can be seen in swarms anywhere that free booze is available. Come see us in our natural habitat!
* The Board is not convinced