Creepiest Video Ever

Written by  //  November 7, 2011  //  Symposium, The Table  //  13 Comments

Every once in a while, someone shows you a video on YouTube that is so creepy, it makes your skin crawl. Even though they’re showing it to you in the context that it is creepy, it still makes you question your association with them. This blog post is filled with them.

Whatever you do, don’t watch them!  But if you do, you should tell us which one is the creepiest or post your creepiest one in the comments.

Rubber Johnny

- Rich LeFevre

America’s Next Top Model Cycle 17 (All-Stars) – Spoilers – Allison’s Music Video (Underwater)

This is Allison from ANTM Cycle 17 – that shit just premiered the other night, anyway – to put this in context – the girls had to write a short song, and Allison chose to write one about her dead father. Then Tyra made them incorporate the incredibly stupid “Pot Ledom” (which is Top Model backwards, as each girl also had to point out) chorus into every song – and insisted that she and some weirdmaybealittleperson kid were going to cut into their songs to engage in total fuckery – so here’s this already creepy but kind of hot girl, singing a creepy bad pop song about her dead father, with Tyra and some weird kid cutting in acting fools. Its so weird and uncomfortable!

- Alistair Blake Arabella

Hand Thing

This is what serial rapists see when they close their eyes.

- Richard C. Braxton

Nicki Minaj – Super Bass By Sophia Grace Brownlee

Maybe not the creepiest ever, but my current creepy/awesome fave.

- Father Guido Sarducci IV

Animal with Human Head!

The combination of the exotic music, the subject matter, the graininess, and the fake-lookingness of it all…so creeepy! We use it to torture my coworker Miles (we basically RickRoll him with it). It terrifies him. I might even be organizing this whole symposium to terrify him.

- Angora Holly Polo

Electric Six – “Danger! High Voltage”

So, once upon a time last month the band Electric Six came to town to play some music and stuff. I did not go but was singing the gay bar song to my office-mate (who, um, well, I also happen to be her boss. Whoops). She didn’t know about going to the gay bar-gay bar-gay bar so I used my friend Google to find the band. Then I played this video for their other hit song, “Danger! High Voltage!”

The video features a dominatrix Grandma (creepy), a guy with a pencil-thin mustache (creepier), and glowing genitals/breasts/moose nuts (probably creepiest). Watching the video, a look of horror washed over her adorable little face. Followed by grimacing. She said, “Watching this video makes me feel like a creepy old man was standing outside my window watching me undress. I don’t like it.”

She was scarred for life by one three minute and forty-two second music video––impressive, considering she’s from Montbello. “That was so awful,” she said at varying points throughout the day. I spent the rest of the day sending her videos of kittens and singing Katrina and the Waves to her to get the images out of her brain and try to redeem myself and convince her that I wasn’t the worst boss in the world.

She got home that night and showed the video to her sister because she needed someone else to share in the awful. You know when something tastes terrible and you say, “This tastes funny, here, try it.” It was exactly like that. Her sister just sat there, dazed and slack-jawed and said, “What the hell is wrong with your boss?”

What the hell indeed.

- Belle von Bonaventure de Bacon

Creed – “Higher”

I feel like this doesn’t need an explanation:

But I’ll say it anyways: What’s creepy about it is the blatant hypocrisy that Stapp displays as the video version of himself pretends to be discontent with the groupie life. (Kid Rock much??) And the wife beater. Nothing creepier than a Florida man rocking a wife beater and greasy hair. All he’s missing is the mustard stain.

- Lily Stamper Lalage

Honourable Mention:

Any video by Die Antwoord.

Which is the creepiest video ever? It's Hand Thing, isn't it?

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13 Comments on "Creepiest Video Ever"

  1. Father Guido Sarducci IV
    Father Guido Sarducci IV November 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm · Reply

    Pretty sure it’s Hand Thing

  2. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 7, 2011 at 5:20 pm · Reply

    Hand. Thing. Hand. Thing.

  3. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 7, 2011 at 5:20 pm · Reply

    Hand.

  4. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm · Reply

    Thing.

  5. Dr. Lazarus Helm November 7, 2011 at 6:45 pm · Reply

    FUCK HAND THING, HERE’S THE REAL DEAL;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7AcMbQuLLA

  6. Richard C. Braxton November 9, 2011 at 1:39 am · Reply

    Touche, Dr. L, Touche.

    Also, Underwater will be stuck in my head for the rest of forever.

  7. Richard C. Braxton November 9, 2011 at 6:49 pm · Reply

    Dear world. Hand Thing guy posts quite a bit as I have recently discovered. It’s all WAY more nightmarish.

  8. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 9, 2011 at 7:01 pm · Reply

    OH. MY. GOD. Nightmares forever! Also, there is a rumor going on in Hand Thing guy’s YouTube channel saying he’s dead. Creepy times a million!

  9. Alistair November 10, 2011 at 10:15 am · Reply

    Sigh… as much as I want to vote for myself since I’ve had the “Pot Ledum” whispy chorus of Underwater stuck in my head for over a week now, I have to say Hand Thing is pretty fucking creeptastical.

  10. Angora November 10, 2011 at 10:20 am · Reply

    I’ve done some more research and I’m pretty sure Hand Thing’s creator is definitely dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’re all going to be haunted by Hand Thing!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Richard C. Braxton November 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm · Reply

    AH OI. AH OI. AH OI.

  12. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 10, 2011 at 4:49 pm · Reply

    AH.

  13. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook November 10, 2011 at 4:49 pm · Reply

    OI.

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