Daily Journal: My Mission to Have 100 Children
Day 1: I woke up and made the conscious decision to proliferate my genes without any need for a prophylactic of any sort. I write my goal down in the blood of a lamb on the original Tale of Genji scroll that I no longer see any use for.
Day 2: The sky is a shade of lavender. This, as anyone knows, is indeed a good sign.
Day 3: Take out an ad in the local post suggesting my services of reproduction. Also ask Bently to please notify all of the local churches. By getting god fearing folks, my offspring will have a higher chance of making it though the birthing phases.
Day 4: Call a press conference that will be broadcast on all major media outlets PROMISING my fertility to all women who had previously thought themselves incapable of conception (Surely this will lead to more than a few births, given the mass of individuals who will respond).
Day 5: Eat plenty of dairy and prepare for the onslaught of lady parts.
Day 6: I shouldn’t have ruined The Tale of Genji. Typical LeFevre behavior. Damn you father.
Day 7: The women are camping on the roadside outside of my estate. Things are looking grim. I see some wielding contracts for minivans (getting ahead of themselves are they?), others with mechanized firearms. They are not pleased I am not letting them in. Hasty I was surely. Haughty? Without a doubt. I order Bently to call the pilot. I must be getting off the estate forthwith. Blast! Will I ever learn my lesson? I will hide in the jungles of India. When things die down a bit, I shall write again.