Danielson | Best of Gloucester County

Most Likely To: lead the faithful out of the promised land and into the wilderness.

And lo, it came to pass that in the fifth year following the release of Ships that Daniel the New Jerseyite, son of Lenny, arose and spake unto his famile, “Behold, the time hath come to record a new album. For verily, Ships is now a memory from a different time, and I feel that the world doth need a new testament from Danielson.”

And his brothers arose and sought to follow him, but he forbade it. “You shall not join me on this journey, my brothers. Neither shall Chris Palladino, my best friend since Boy Scouts. The time hath come to put aside the illusion that we are a famile of outsider artists on a mission from the Lord. We hath recorded with Kramer. We hath recorded with Albini. Our famile label doth boast a roster of respected artists. The Lord hath revealed to me that I truly hath more in common with Mac McCaughan than with Howard Finster.”

“But Daniel,” replieth his brothers, “thou soundeth nothing like Superchunk.”

“That is not the point,” Daniel responded. “The point is that I am not the primitive, snake-handling tent revivalist that I am often perceivethed to be, but am an accomplished musician and I wish to recordeth an album with my kith, if not my kin. But my sisters and my wife shall accompany me, as they are irreplaceable to my sound. Sorry, bros.”

Then Daniel did bid his disciple Sufjan the Michiganite to arise and follow him into the studio, and Sufjan did arise. “Yea, Daniel, I shall follow you, for all that I know about showbiz I hath learned from thee. It is good to dress in costumes on stage, and it is good to be quirky, for it helps the message of the Lord to go down more easily with the pagans. But not too quirky. If thou persist in singing like a cat whose tail hath been caught beneath the rocking chair, the broad audience shalt never follow thee.”

“Your words are good, Sufjan the Michiganite,” saith Daniel. “Come. Let us assemble a band of real musicians and sandeth off some of my rougher edges.” And thus did Daniel and Sufjan and Daniel’s sisters and wife and others such as Jens the Swedenite gather to record Best of Gloucester County, a much smoother and more professional sounding album than any previously bequeathed to the peoples of the world under the name of Danielson.

Then Daniel brought Best of Gloucester County before the judgment seat of the Lord, and the Lord did listen for six days and six nights, and on the seventh day he pronounced His judgment to Daniel.

“Behold, Daniel, the Lord of Hosts hath listened to Best of Gloucester County for six days and six nights, from the rising of the sun to the going down of the same. And verily, it is okay. But it’s no Fetch the Compass Kids. So far I am not really feeling this one.

“Gone are the meandering song structures which would wander off course with no warning. Gone are Chris Palladino’s keyboards, which in days past did lendeth thine songs a wacky carnival feel. Gone are your stray cat vocals, replaced by a toned down delivery that isn’t much weirder than Dave Matthews, someone the Lord is undecided about. He likes some of Matthews’ stuff okay, but hath never forgiven him for “What Would You Say,” a song which the Lord still considers fair enough reason to consign Matthews to the Lake of Fire alongside The Spin Doctors and Blues Traveler and Government Mule and….”

Then Daniel did clear his throat and the Lord ceased His pursuit of that rabbit and spake in a parable to Daniel. “Behold, there was a man who found himself watching C-Span any morning a certain comely journalist did host. She was pleasing to his eye and gladdened his heart, especially the fact that she wore stylish but geeky glasses, for he was sorely afflicted with the Sexy Librarian fetish. However, one day she appeared without her glasses, and then another. The man’s heart sank, and lo he did curse LASIK surgery and contact lenses and ceased to watch C-Span. This is the lesson of Best of Gloucester County.”

Daniel was perplexed, and the Lord, seeing this, explained His parable. “Verily, I say unto you: with glasses upon her countenance, she was a smokin’ hot girl with a quirky signature look. Without them, she is truly just a run of the mill hot girl. When appeal is built upon quirkiness, lessening the quirkiness doth lessen the appeal. Thine previous albums with Danielson were joyous and cacophonous ruckuses. This doth just sound professional.”

The Lord paused, then concluded. “Still, I guesseth that this thing is only smooth in comparison to thine old sound. Best of Gloucester County is still pretty weird when beheld alongside Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift, and chances are that it will groweth upon Me once I get used to it. So, as it is written on the tablets of rolling stone, three stars out of five means never having to say thou art sorry. Let it be so with Best of Gloucester County.”

Listen to “People’s Partay” from Danielson:

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