Get. Out!! CSI is Still On!?!?

Written by  //  December 29, 2011  //  Televised Entertainment in Review  //  No comments

The Little Show that Could Continues to Assault the Public with its 12th Season

Did you guys think I’d forgotten about CSI? Okay, granted its third in my DVR queue behind Psych and Top Chef (Alistair + Shawn Forever!) which meant I had to wait for episodes to come out On Demand, but hey, I’m still watching it, people! That has to count for something. The blood, sweat and tears I subject myself to for the sake of holding onto this show for dear life is like my holiday gift to all of you.

So, I’m not going to sit here and try to recap every moment of the past few episodes because honestly, this season is just being plagued with hard to follow scripts surrounding cases that are getting way too ridiculous. It’s becoming more and more apparent that this show is getting old and tired. A somewhat notable exception is the most recent episode, which I’ll get to it in a second, that centered on Doc Robbin’s personal life (here’s a hint – Robbins is a sexy-sexy man with a fairly smoking hot wife he used to cheat on, who knew?).

In Episode 7’s “Brain Doe” we get to meet DB’s son, who’s way hotter than his dad.

                 

How crazy is CSI getting? Well, they had a triple car crash and three dead bodies, plus one rando brain lying around which they traced back to some shady black market organ selling outfit preying on dead servicemen. Then there was yet another three-fer, this time the bodies seemed to be unrelated and there were no extra parts, but one of them was totally hacked up on their own birthday cake which was kind of awesome.

Most kickass bday party. Ever.

Turns out the deaths weren’t unrelated at all, but were carried out by a retired detective dying of cancer trying to fulfill some kind of murder bucket list so he could get revenge on people he couldn’t convict in court but knew were guilty anyway.

In this scene from Episode 9’s “Zippered” Catherine takes on a Blackwater-esque honcho with the help of still-yumsters Grant Show.

Then there was this SUPER convoluted case surrounding a mock Blackwater type company illegally selling guns in the Middle East. The only positive thing about the episode was the appearance of FBI Agent Viggo McQuaid (wtf?) played by “good to see he’s still hot” Grant Show of Melrose Place fame. McQuaid meets Catherine Willows and sparks immediately fly – they have a bit of a fling before he has to return to wherever he’s from, but it could set the stage for Helgenberger’s departure from the show after this season.

Doc Robbins is forced to wait outside the yellow line as DB and Brass investigate the murder at his house. Did his wife do it?

Which finally brings me to the latest episode since the holiday break, and by far the best episode that’s aired since Episode 5 “CSI Down” – we get a neat little glimpse into Doc Robbin’s life outside of the morgue when it looks like his hottie-patottie wife may have killed her lover while he was asleep and totally naked in Robbins’ bed!

Alice (sorry, Morgan Brody, played by Alice) approaches Judy Robbins to investigate the naked-ass-naked dead guy found in their house.

Luckily they figure out she’s in the clear, but not before we learn that Doc cheated on her in the past so he would basically give her a pass if she was in fact guilty, but she wasn’t actually cheating because she’s got it bad for Doc Robbins, who apparently is pretty good in the sack. The real killer was a disgruntled inbred redneck angry with the victim – a genealogist – for discovering that he was, well, an inbred redneck. Hey – I said it was the best out of the rest, okay – I didn’t say it was stellar, jesus people, I don’t have a lot to work with, here.

About the Author

Alistair Blake Arabella

“Alistair Blake Arabella” is the brainchild of entertainment writer and managing editor Vanessa “2 Fingers” Berben . If you’re missing the latest refill of your Dexedrine prescription, there’s a good a chance Alistair’s in your bathroom and has already crushed it up and snorted it. Now be a good little kitten and fetch her drink. If you’d like to receive the hallowed word of Alistair drop a line to AskAlistair@gmail.com – you just may be in the next episode of “Ask Alistar” if you’re very, very lucky.

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