Hipster Sex

Oh my dear brothers and sisters, let’s talk about sex. let’s talk about how fun it is, how obnoxious, how romantic, how drunken, how stupid, how remorseful, how dirty and slishy and slushy and downright hilraious it is, when you think about it. and, really, who doesn’t think about it?

probably laura bush. but she’s the only person, ever, who has never thought about sex. ever. although it has never been scientifically documented, even hipsters think about sex. which is weird, see, because hipsters are by definition “too cool for school” (source: The ELS Guide To Everything Ever, pg. 1476). and sex is, well, not very cool. It’s a biological thing. You make weird faces, funny noises, and afterwards you just want a sandwich and a nap.

So, my dear brothers and sisters, how do hipsters do it? how does one maintain his or her coolitude and still get it on? THAT, my friends, is what i plan on finding out, right in this very blog. I will need help. i want private private emails. i want sweaty steamy and/or mortifying stories, i want graphic and inane questions, i want blog-worthy ideas that will get you all hot and bothered, but not SO hot and bothered that you actually, you know, like, get distracted by all this sex talk and FORGET to go to the hottest hipster club in town to hear the hottest new band that nobody knows about they’re so underground but, like, you’re on the list. with a plus one. I want run-on sentences. Together, we will de-mystify the mystery of the elusive creature that is Hipster Sex.

Send queries and quandaries and all else to elitisthipstersnob@gmail.com. And keep checking in at elitisthipstersnob.com for the latest Sex Advice from the Jewish Hipster. Which is hilarious, you know, since we Jews have to have sex through a hole in a sheet and whatnot. Do it.