Part Time Lesbian?

Hey there hipsters, let’s talk about girls who do stuff with other girls……

Hey Jewster,

I’m a straight girl who dated a girl for about 3 weeks when I was 23 years old. I was bored and looking for adventure, just wanted to knock myself down a couple of notches on the purity scale, and it was kinda hot to make out with a girl in public (call me an exhibitionist if you must)….

Here’s the funny thing though- whenever I told any of my straight girlfriends about it, they all got extremely envious. They wanted all the squirmy details, and they were totally jealous that I had this experience. Every single one of them said something along the lines of “wow, I wish I could have sex with a woman.” What gives? Are all women secretly gay? Or do I just run in a crowd of particularly uhm, “bold” women?

-Homo for a Day

Dear Homo,

No, I don’t think you run in a crowd of closet lesbians. Women are pretty – they have curvy bodies and whatnot. And curves are attractive, universally. Then add to all that pretty curviness the fact that our society is obsessed with two girls being together and you get some pretty confused chicks.

We are taught from a young age that all men love girl-on-girl action (“Know what’s great? A vagina!! You know what would be even better? TWO vaginas!!”).

We live in a patriarchal society where women often compete for men’s sexual attention. So straight women, in the interest of being sexually attractive to MEN, find themselves attracted to women, or at least very intrigued by the idea of being with a woman. You said so in your letter that one of the best parts of making out with a girl was doing it in public places, where, presumably, straight men would see you. But I don’t mean to call you or your friends or any straight chick who makes out with a girl a tool of a patriarchal society*.

Actually, Homo, all that post-feminist patriarchal society crap aside, how very hipster of you. In my uber scientific studies I have concluded that something like 43% of all hipsters switch sides at some point in their lives. We are the most experimental of all the sub-cultures. Sexual experimentation is something that has gotten much more socially acceptable in our generation, and for many people this is a safe and interesting way to experiment.

How ‘bout it, readers? Any side-switching stories you want to share? I promise I won’t tell anyone. Next column: Sex in the workplace. And, blowjobs as bartering tools? And any other questions you might have, dear ones.

Send inquiries to elitisthipstersnob@gmail.com.

*Unless aforementioned straight chick is making out with a girl in a Girls Gone Wild video.