I’m having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich
Written by Benjamin "Benny" Burwell St. Maur // July 5, 2007 // The Conservatory // 10 Comments
and also with the music of Laura Veirs.
She’s got everything I loved about Lisa Loeb when I was seventeen–intelligent lyrics, a charming bookishness, hot librarian glasses, she’s a girl who plays guitar–plus her music is infinitely more grown-up and listenable than Loeb’s (although I’ll always love Lisa Loeb for calling her band Nine Stories).
Oh, and Veirs grew up in Colorado Springs, a fact which is cool to us here in Denver only because it means that she–being a very talented and worthy object of our hip, snobbish affection–was writing songs and learning guitar physically not too far away from us. That’s the only way it’s cool. Because Colorado Springs is most definitely not cool. She lives in Portland now, and as hipsters we know that Portland is, in fact, very cool.
Anyway, I discovered Veirs late, and admittedly through the same venue as I’m sure many people did: as the voice of the pregnant girlfriend of the American soldier in The Decemberists‘ song "Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then)" (from last year’s The Crane Wife), lending an extremely empathetic second human voice to another of Colin Meloy’s clever pop fables. You could, in fact, think of the song as a charming little duet, as long as you’re able to stomach the notion of the song resting alongside other duets in pop music history, including those of Sonny and Cher and Captain and Tenn–oh. Oh god. I couldn’t do it. I just threw up.
Thankfully, when you listen to a Laura Veirs album (such as 2005′s excellent Year of Meteors), you’ll generally only hear her voice. And you’ll be glad. You’ll be glad, especially when you hear her describing how "bears and boulders vibrate through the air" (on "Galaxies") and telling you, matter-of-factly, that "ghosts can gather what they found" (a phrase repeated in the song "Magnetized" that stands out immediately to me as the best-sounding backup vocal line I’ve ever heard).
And that’s the thing that stands out about Laura Veirs: her voice. Her voice doesn’t sound like anyone else’s I can think of, all whispery and a little throaty but crisp and extremely present on the record. It’s a voice that I can only describe as one with which I’d like to have sex. This is a phenomenon I’m sure I’m not alone in experiencing. Sometimes you hear a voice–spoken or sung–and you just think, "I wanna fuck that voice." And it may or may not have anything to do with their physical appearance or their personality or even the words they’re saying or singing. It’s just the voice. So, to honor this phenomenon, I’ve compiled a short list of some other voices with which I’d like to have sex (a list which, admittedly, includes a few people with whom I’d actually like to have sex–you know, like, with their bodies and genitals and all. To save us both some embarrassment, I’ll spare you the specifics as to which of these individuals that might include).
Some sexable voices include:
Jeff Goldblum’s
Scarlett Johansson’s
Joanna Newsom’s
Sir William Murray’s
Liz Fraser’s
Alec Baldwin’s
Chrissy Hynde’s
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Laura Veirs has a newer album out than the above-mentioned Year of Meteors, but I’m still totally caught up on that one. She’s also on tour right now, but I’ll be damned if she’s coming to Denver anytime this summer. You can, however, catch her at the "Save Our Wild Salmon" benefit on August 11 in Salt Lake City. I know I’ll be there. My concern for Salt Lake City’s wild salmon knows no bounds.
As for right now, I need to go and spend some time alone with that picture of Scarlett Johansson. It’s melting my brain. I can’t… I can’t go on.
10 Comments on "I’m having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich"
I always thought Joanna Newsome’s voice would be creepy and elflike in bed.
On another note: I want to add Keifer Sutherland to the list. And Bob Ross. I don’t want to have sex with Bob Ross’s voice. I just want to cuddle with it.
Along with every pubescent girl in this country, I’d put the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie on the list. I know, I know, all you fucking hipsters are saying “oh, that guy? how very pop. how very droll. how very NON-underground.” Whatever.
Just refer to him as the lead singer guy from Postal Service and all will be forgiven.
Postal Service, I would say, is probably just about as pop as the aforementioned. You’d have to go with All-Time Quarterback or somesuch.
Or how ’bout the guy that guested on that one Dntel song that one time?
NO TOUCHING!
and also the all of the vocals from Camera Obscura
and award for least sexy voice David Lynch
I am not disputing its poppy-ness. I am however defending its acceptability amongst those that be hip…I mean…I like…never listen to them…so…its not like…its from…like experience…or something.
can we agree that Laura Veirs is cool BECAUSE she came from Colorado Springs and we all know what kind of shit she had to crawl up out of.
If I want to sex a girl’s voice, does that make me gay?