The Men Edition

Written by  //  November 5, 2010  //  Ivyy Reads Between the Lines  //  5 Comments

Ok, so I found this article called “Women’s Power to Hurt the Male Ego”. On So it’s, like, news, right?


Here’s the premise:

Author Jay Carter claims that “…during a boy’s most important developmental period — his first five years — he usually gets his self-esteem from his mother. Years later, when he meets someone he wants to spend his life with, he unconsciously gives her what I call his “jujube doll” — a kind of voodoo-like name I have for the part of a man’s self-esteem that’s vulnerable to a woman’s opinion of him.”

Awesome. 3 sentences in and we already have a thinly veiled reference to women being witches with voodoo-like powers. What powers does this entail, Jay? Pray tell….

“Let’s say a woman asks her husband to pick up a half-gallon of orange juice after work. When he arrives home empty-handed, she’s irritated. She might offhandedly say, “You are so irresponsible.” All he hears is the word irresponsible. He believes she’s saying he’s irresponsible in general. With his self-esteem wounded, he may launch into a defense about what it means to be responsible.”

Ooooooh witches are scary, man! They can make you hear only certain words that come out of their mouths!

So he gets angry because his wife is upset that he forgot to pick up something that she needs. His self-esteem is wounded NOT because he forgot to do something his wife asked him to do, but because the bitch had the audacity to be irritated when he forgot?

OH and speaking of bitch…. JAY TELL US MORE!

“…don’t use the word irresponsible. You can call him a jerk or even an ass and it won’t devastate him, because what is a jerk? That’s not concretely definable. But what a man feels when you call him irresponsible is what a woman feels when you call her a bitch. It’s the ultimate insult.”

So, Jay, lemme see if I’ve got this straight: when a man acts irresponsibly his wife isn’t allowed to tell him so? And did you really just equate the word “Irresponsible” to the word “Bitch”? Yeah, I guess you could say that my self-esteem gets a little wounded when my boyfriend calls me a bitch, just like he gets SO HURT when I tell him he’s being irresponsible when he forgets to do the grocery shopping. I get it.

So, then, when a man’s ego is bruised, he’s totally justified to engage in whatever bullshit emotional warfare he likes, because YOU HAVE WOUNDED HIM BADLY, M’LADY, right?

“….there comes the day when (his wife) inadvertently steps on his jujube doll with a spiked heel, and it’s so painful that he snatches his self-esteem back. That’s the day she loses significant influence…He stops connecting. He doesn’t look her in the eyes unless he’s angry. After all the work (his wife) has put into him — he finally eats with his mouth closed, he doesn’t say ignorant things — he may run off with another woman. That’s often because he’s looking for someone who will think the world of him — someone who will see him as he thinks his wife once did.”

So, Jay. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like you’re saying that men tend to leave their wives because their wives say mean things to them like “Please pick up a half-gallon of orange juice on your way home from work today.”, or “Will you please chew with your mouth closed, and stop saying ignorant things.” WHAT BITCHES, AMIRIGHT?!

About the Author

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq.

Ivyy Goldberg, Esq. is Research Director and Writer of both Denver’s Most Fuckable Rockstars and Handjob and a Reuben. Part time sex columnist, part-time Supreme Court Justice-inspired superhero.

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5 Comments on "The Men Edition"

  1. Team Donnybrook
    godonnybrook November 5, 2010 at 11:47 am · Reply

    Awesome. So we women are responsible for our man’s self esteem. And we must treat them with kid gloves, and allow them to do whatever to us, otherwise they will leave us forever. NO PRESSURE, LADIES! No pressure at all. LET’S NOT FUCK THIS UP!

    Oh yeah, and now I’m going to be paranoid raising my son too (someday). THANKS, JAY! THANKS, CNN?!?!?!

  2. Julie Polito November 5, 2010 at 12:11 pm · Reply

    Huh. For me, when people call me a bitch, I know I’m doing something right.

  3. Kathleen S. November 5, 2010 at 12:44 pm · Reply

    So, wait: What the hell is a “jujube” doll? Jujube = delicious gummy fruit candy, right? Men are dolls made of candy? This is the message I’m getting.

    By the way, that article is just about the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. I guess next time my husband comes home without a requested item I’ll just launch into an expletive-filled diatribe, calling him every obscene name in the book. Otherwise he might leave me, right, if I pointedly describe the reason I’m upset? OK. Gotcha.

  4. mike k. November 5, 2010 at 1:10 pm · Reply

    so… men are just incapable of maintaining relationships that involve occasionally taking criticism? this dude wrote a book called “nasty women,” really?

  5. Team Donnybrook
    godonnybrook November 5, 2010 at 1:15 pm · Reply

    Some more gems:

    “So if you’re angry at a man, just call him a bitch.” – Jay Carter, Ph.D

    Also, he recommends if you want your man to pick up his pajamas, you tell him you’re going to burn them in the backyard. And then you really do it.

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