Lost Manly Art Of; Chest Hair

Where is the concept of “man” these days? It seems to be getting lost in this onslaught of metro sexuals and “manscaping.” Somewhere, the art of being a man is being washed away in these strange tides. Now the concept of “man” is some dickwad who uses ‘body spray’ and a scrubber for their ‘man-hide’. Big, manly lumberjack beards have given way to a style called the ‘chin strap’. Suddenly, the men’s grooming aisle in the drug store is as long as the women’s. Huh? This is not being a man. Men are not beings to ‘mani pedi’ their nails with anything but their fucking teeth. Here’s all the grooming supplies you need; soap, shampoo, deodorant, razor/trimmer, sunscreen (skin cancer is a leading killer of men, yo) Anything else makes you a woman. We are losing the art of being a man. Men are different from women, and those differences are to be celebrated. We belch, fart, play video games all night, smoke cigars and handle our balls far too often in a day. It’s time we take out bodies back, fellas. And our bodies have hair.

Somewhere along the line, body hair fell out of fashion. Somewhere along the line, the norm went from being a man, to being a young, hairless boy. We need to return to the days when hair on the chest was celebrated. When hotties yearned to run their bony little fingers through a hairy chest. (OK, not like your Uncle Frank’s hairy chest that he constantly shows under a wife beater, gold chains and a track suit, but you get the point.) Yea, those were the days of MEN. You think when they were storming the beach in Normandy (or, hell, the Falklands, for that matter), those guys had hairless chests? No! They had hair on their chests and their balls were made of steel, fer chrissakes. Tight, nubile, hairless chests belong on women, not men.

Now a days, it seems just about every dipshit shaves his chest, back, arms and legs. Huh? Unless you’re like a MMA guy or wrestler who can beat the shit out of me, there’s no point. You look like you’re trying to be a 10 year old boy. And if you consciously want to look like a young, hairless, ten year old boy, there is a place for you. And that place is Penn State.

So let’s cut the shit here, fellas. Let’s take this one back. Men have testosterone (that is if this limpwrist generation doesn’t lose it all), and testosterone grows chest hair. Thick, luscious, manly chest hair. Let’s celebrate our primordial right to get wasted at the bar, watch hockey games and drink right from the container. Don’t let these in vogue pretty boys make y’all look like girls. Let those scarf wearing lady boys go be femme somewhere else. We have playoff beards to grow and belches to blow in pretty girls’ faces.