Madonna’s Half-Time Show Was Just as Overrated as She Is
I’ll take a brief pause for the backlash to commence, now let’s do this.
I may be incurring the wrath of a million gays, and risking that my best gay Dirk won’t speak to me for a whole twenty minutes (that’s an eternity in Twink Time), but I’m just going to come out and say it – I can’t stand Madonna. Cannot fucking stand her. And it’s actually not because of her music – though the current relevancy and quality of it is arguable, I totally had every track off my Immaculate Collection cassette memorized – it’s her attitude. Her weird, self-absorbed, grasping at youth desperation comes off (to me) as a vile harpy clutching at her last vestiges of vanity.
Too harsh? So is tossing aside a fan’s gift of flowers and callously telling the person next to you (while mic’d) that you “loathe” what they just gave you. So don’t sit there for one second and tell me that I’m being too harsh on Madge. Fuck Madge – she’s a big girl, she’s had a long career making tons of money on dubious talent, so I think she can handle one measly little snot (that’s me) saying they don’t like her. In the grand scheme of Madonna-world, this little criticism of her Super Bowl Half-Time performance is but a dewdrop on one of her loathed hydrangeas.
I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “But Alistair, as a member of the cultural elite, wouldn’t a self-serving ego-maniac like Madonna fit right in at Donnybrook?” Of course she would, if there weren’t already an official Donnybrook Den Mother, and Mumsy’s pot-brownies and laudanum-laced hot cocoa is a Manse staple.
What made my entire body convulse in one shameful cringe-fest last night wasn’t Madonna’s usual “mightier than thou” attitude, it was how incredibly over-the-top and ridiculous that attitude was. In a time in America where many people are wondering where their next meal is going to come from was it really necessary for her to hit the stage dressed as an Egyptian queen, carried by throngs of dark-skinned men dressed as slaves?
It was this opener, when compared to her last message before going dark – a lit up “World Peace” scrawled below the mammoth set – that made me just throw up my hands in total bafflement. What the hell was she thinking? Oh wait, she wasn’t, because she doesn’t give a fuck.
There was a lot of crap in between that made me want to wave my middle finger at the screen a la MIA, who I’ve also got a bone to pick with considering she’s tried so many times to paint herself as an anti-establishment “artist’s artist” meanwhile she’s got no problem appearing alongside mainstream staples like Madge and fellow performer Nicki Minaj. Can’t complain about Minaj – she makes no qualms that she’s a pop-performer and loves the camera – but seeing MIA up there gyrating and shaking pompoms with Nicki made my 18-year-old politically militant self want to vom (and yes, people, I know they do it in the video – I don’t care, it’s still stupid).
There were also appearances by “Let’s drag these people in because kids like them and it’ll make Madonna look younger cooler” Cee-Lo Green and LMFAO – I was surprised that Madonna let LMFAO do snippets from both “Sexy and I Know It” and “Party Rock Anthem” since I always assumed that the only artist that was allowed to get any attention during a Madonna performance is Madonna herself.
It wasn’t the shiteous guest appearances, or the stupid over-blown set that was so obviously dripping with CGI I had to wonder if the actual Super Bowl audience was just watching her parade around on a green screen -
It was her complete and utter lack of consideration for what’s going on in the world right now that made me choke repeatedly on my highball. Not to mention how horribly juxtaposed her performance was by the Clint Eastwood commercial that aired right before it. How about we continue to show the rest of the world what hypocritical clueless bastards we are by airing a poignant message about the state of our country’s economic hardships right before we showcase a tribute to slavery, excess, and our obsession with all things youth-culture.
Don’t believe she’s out of touch? Well then how about this quote from her recent interview with Newsweek when writer Jacob Bernstein dared to suggest her ticket prices are astronomically priced:
“So start saving your pennies now…People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”
Worth it? Really? That’s debatable. And to the millions of Americans who don’t have $300 to spend on their own children, let alone a handbag, it’s insulting. I think it’s time for Madonna to get off her high-horse – it’s 30 years old and in desperate need of being put out to pasture.