Madonna’s Half-Time Show Was Just as Overrated as She Is

Written by  //  February 6, 2012  //  Televised Entertainment in Review  //  8 Comments

I’ll take a brief pause for the backlash to commence, now let’s do this.

I may be incurring the wrath of a million gays, and risking that my best gay Dirk won’t speak to me for a whole twenty minutes (that’s an eternity in Twink Time), but I’m just going to come out and say it – I can’t stand Madonna. Cannot fucking stand her. And it’s actually not because of her music – though the current relevancy and quality of it is arguable, I totally had every track off my Immaculate Collection cassette memorized – it’s her attitude. Her weird, self-absorbed, grasping at youth desperation comes off (to me) as a vile harpy clutching at her last vestiges of vanity.

Too harsh? So is tossing aside a fan’s gift of flowers and callously telling the person next to you (while mic’d) that you “loathe” what they just gave you. So don’t sit there for one second and tell me that I’m being too harsh on Madge. Fuck Madge – she’s a big girl, she’s had a long career making tons of money on dubious talent, so I think she can handle one measly little snot (that’s me) saying they don’t like her. In the grand scheme of Madonna-world, this little criticism of her Super Bowl Half-Time performance is but a dewdrop on one of her loathed hydrangeas.

I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “But Alistair, as a member of the cultural elite, wouldn’t a self-serving ego-maniac like Madonna fit right in at Donnybrook?” Of course she would, if there weren’t already an official Donnybrook Den Mother, and Mumsy’s pot-brownies and laudanum-laced hot cocoa is a Manse staple.

What made my entire body convulse in one shameful cringe-fest last night wasn’t Madonna’s usual “mightier than thou” attitude, it was how incredibly over-the-top and ridiculous that attitude was. In a time in America where many people are wondering where their next meal is going to come from was it really necessary for her to hit the stage dressed as an Egyptian queen, carried by throngs of dark-skinned men dressed as slaves?

It was this opener, when compared to her last message before going dark – a lit up “World Peace” scrawled below the mammoth set – that made me just throw up my hands in total bafflement. What the hell was she thinking? Oh wait, she wasn’t, because she doesn’t give a fuck.

There was a lot of crap in between that made me want to wave my middle finger at the screen a la MIA, who I’ve also got a bone to pick with considering she’s tried so many times to paint herself as an anti-establishment “artist’s artist” meanwhile she’s got no problem appearing alongside mainstream staples like Madge and fellow performer Nicki Minaj. Can’t complain about Minaj – she makes no qualms that she’s a pop-performer and loves the camera – but seeing MIA up there gyrating and shaking pompoms with Nicki made my 18-year-old politically militant self want to vom (and yes, people, I know they do it in the video – I don’t care, it’s still stupid).

There were also appearances by “Let’s drag these people in because kids like them and it’ll make Madonna look younger cooler” Cee-Lo Green and LMFAO – I was surprised that Madonna let LMFAO do snippets from both “Sexy and I Know It” and “Party Rock Anthem” since I always assumed that the only artist that was allowed to get any attention during a Madonna performance is Madonna herself.

It wasn’t the shiteous guest appearances, or the stupid over-blown set that was so obviously dripping with CGI I had to wonder if the actual Super Bowl audience was just watching her parade around on a green screen -

It was her complete and utter lack of consideration for what’s going on in the world right now that made me choke repeatedly on my highball. Not to mention how horribly juxtaposed her performance was by the Clint Eastwood commercial that aired right before it. How about we continue to show the rest of the world what hypocritical clueless bastards we are by airing a poignant message about the state of our country’s economic hardships right before we showcase a tribute to slavery, excess, and our obsession with all things youth-culture.

Don’t believe she’s out of touch? Well then how about this quote from her recent interview with Newsweek when writer Jacob Bernstein dared to suggest her ticket prices are astronomically priced:

“So start saving your pennies now…People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”

Worth it? Really? That’s debatable. And to the millions of Americans who don’t have $300 to spend on their own children, let alone a handbag, it’s insulting. I think it’s time for Madonna to get off her high-horse – it’s 30 years old and in desperate need of being put out to pasture.

About the Author

Alistair Blake Arabella

“Alistair Blake Arabella” is the brainchild of entertainment writer and managing editor Vanessa “2 Fingers” Berben . If you’re missing the latest refill of your Dexedrine prescription, there’s a good a chance Alistair’s in your bathroom and has already crushed it up and snorted it. Now be a good little kitten and fetch her drink. If you’d like to receive the hallowed word of Alistair drop a line to AskAlistair@gmail.com – you just may be in the next episode of “Ask Alistar” if you’re very, very lucky.

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8 Comments on "Madonna’s Half-Time Show Was Just as Overrated as She Is"

  1. That Guy February 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm · Reply

    I stopped reading at “relevancy.”

    • Alistair February 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm · Reply

      I’ll take what I can get.

  2. Mark February 8, 2012 at 5:55 pm · Reply

    I read it all the way to pasture. I couldn’t agree more and glad someone else can’t stand her either. I’ve never thought her music was that great, and I loathe her as a person. She demonstarted her one true talent in Truth or Dare when she went down on that water bottle. That’s how she got a music deal, and movie roles, and why Warren Beatty dated her. You call her Madge, I call her the Whore of Babylon.

    • Alistair February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm · Reply

      Snip-snap-snappity-snap – damn Mark. You just summed up in one paragraph what took me… I’m not scrolling back up and counting so we’ll go with a million… paragraphs to say. Remind me to never become a desperate harpy pop-singer and incur your wrath.

  3. Heather February 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm · Reply

    I couldn’t agree more. I’ve always said, Madonna is a much better businesswoman than she is a singer. There are SO MANY talented musicians and singers out there who actually appreciate their fans (and who actually sing at their concerts). They show this by not charging outrageous prices and THANKING their fans when they come to their concerts, because they understand that their fans are basically their bosses, paying their salary. But this clearly shows the lack of respect she has for her fans. I hope that people have the spine to send a statement to her and NOT save their pennies and pay outrageous prices for her tickets. The pathetic thing is there will probably be enough pathetic (sorry to use the word twice in the same sentence, but it just applies so well) people out there who will probably be willing to pay for her concert, which is essentially an overpriced Vegas type show with an aging lip syncher at center stage.

    • Alistair February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm · Reply

      Completely agreed. The sad thing is I get the sense that unlike other artists who do understand that their fans pay their salaries, she’s one of those “artists” (for lack of a better word) who feels she’s gracing her fans (and the universe) with her presence. The only consolation is that she’s now past 50 so we’ve got what… another 20 years or so to watch her drag her sour puss face onto the stage? I can wait this out…

  4. Mark February 13, 2012 at 10:59 am · Reply

    Update.

    Madonna said MIA flipping the bird was “pointless” and “juvenile”. Kind of like her own career.

    • Alistair February 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm · Reply

      What made me totally crack up when I heard her say that was that she’s got a photo going around of her flipping off her whole audience, dressed like Slash no less – and I’m going to take a stab that during that exact moment, I bet her whole audience was feeling like they were in “a place of love and positivity” too – basically, no ones allowed to even HAVE a middle finger unless Madge says so. So over that woman.

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