My Favorite Gifts from the Holiday Handmade Craft Fair
It’s the holidays! The biggest consumer heyday of the year, so what better time to vote with your wallet? Might as well give your hard-earned money to creative, enterprising people who are making a positive impact on the world just to break up the endless barrage of forking over every penny you make to evil bureaucratic fucks who will simultaneously bend you over and fuck you up the ass while miraculously still finding a way to bare their toothy yellow grin right in your face, then throw your money in the trash and shit on it while writing another executive order for you to give them more money.
Wow. I thought this was going to be a puff piece. Please do excuse me!
So anyways, Father Guido and I did some excellent Christmas shopping at the Fancy Tiger Holiday Handmade Craft Fair. There was a plethora of ladies wearing knitted head-accessories, owl paraphernalia, and handmade items that would make great gifts – from soaps and fizzy bath products to original artwork to clothes to tiny twinkling Christmas scenes in little glass jars. Here were some of my faaaa-vorite things:
Chevron Heart Cuff by Suits and Ties: $32
This bracelet is cute and girly in a bad-ass She Woman/Bat For Lashes kind of way. It’s made of red brass and copper, and given a dark antique finish. I can picture this on your girlfriend right now, especially if she’s one of those Urban Outfitter model types who wears moccasins and has long, beautiful straight hair. Is that your girlfriend? Is anyone else seeing this?
Handmade journals by BoundInCircles: $20
These handmade journals made me want to be twelve again, carrying my journal with me everywhere and writing and drawing in it with marker. My favorite ones aren’t on his Etsy site right now – there was a light blue one with foxes on it (my favorite), and a fancy maroon one with white horses on it, which was quite Donnybrookesque. These are eco-friendly and cost $20.
These were beautiful; I love the warm combination of wood and twinkly lights. I’ve never been to Portland, but in my head they only have these lanterns. Also in the middle of a craft fair packed with ladies, nothing gets your attention more than a giant sign proclaiming “I’ve Got Wood!”
These were a little out of my price range, but you should get it for someone special to you and tell them that they are made from Colorado pine trees that have been killed by the ravenous mountain pine beetle. Holy shit, aren’t those the best gifts to give your liberal parents? They love a good present with a nice story that helps people or the environment. And the story, in this case, is entirely true.
Darling Ruth dresses
These scored double points by being handmade and also with a vintage style. In adorable vintage patterns and colors (like mint!), these dresses seemed like they’d look fabulous on any body type. They were short, but could be easily paired with leggings, and had adorable belts. I really wish I could find her online somewhere so I could show you. Where are you, Darling Ruth????
Tiny Paintings and Wall Hangings by Karen Watkins
The thing that first caught my eye were little wall hangings that had fiber art birds like the one on the right sitting on twisty branches. She also had adorable little paintings of forest animals, like foxes and squirrels. This stuff was so cute, I pretty much elbowed eight knit-headed ladies to bulldoze my way to her shop and squeal with delight.
For the hometown homies, this guy makes awesome Coloradical t-shirts. He also makes amazing t-shirts like this Crime Moustache T-shirt. Simply wear t-shirt, then when you’re about to commit a crime, pull the front of it in front of your face so the mustache obscures your identity. Genius! He also has t-shirts with silly slogans, like the one with a penguin on it that warns “Never Buy Drugs from a Penguin.” Sound advice.
The picture on the right has nothing to do with Rebecca Tischler’s Bloomers for Bikers, but it came up when I Googled “Bloomers for Bikers” and isn’t it a really cool picture?
Anyways I’m 90% sure I don’t even know how to ride a bike anymore, so the thought never occurred to me that ladies who ride bikes might need bloomers instead of undies for that little bit of added protection. And might as well make them cute. Anyone could wear them, really. They’re bloomers! When will I find an excuse to wear frilly bloomers? They were all really cute.