The Dresses! The Speeches! THE ARTIST!!!
I’m totally lording it over everyone here at the Manse this morning because Donnybrook’s very own Max Phineas and I called this happening, like ages ago. (Weeks ago – whatever, time passes more dramatically for the rich.) Yes, our favorite movie of Oscar season totally KILLED last night! The Artist picked up TEN nominations, walking away with five statues for Best Costumes, Best Original Score, Best Actor in a Leading Role (Jean Dujardin’s acceptance speech last night is now the definition of adorable), Best Director Michel Hazanavicius, and the top honor, Best Picture.
SO amped for that movie taking the awards by storm! And not counting the fashion, that’s about the extent of my excitement for the Oscars. Sorry Billy, but ugh. Okay – well, I’ll give it to them that this year was better than the James Franco / Anne Hathaway stupidity of last year – but it was almost like they just went in the extreme opposite direction. Last year they went way too young and it came across as this weird histrionic/stoner/hybrid shit on the screen, but then this year they went too old – as amazing as Billy Crystal is, it just wasn’t all that funny and it aged the entire show – Crystal’s age aside, I don’t think it was really because he’s older – maybe it’s because as I age I realize how silly it was for me to think people were old at 30 when I was 15 – so I get it, he’s not OLD – but the show felt old – if that makes sense.
Granted, I totally missed the craziness that was the Cirque show, actually missed pretty much all the music other than the ‘In Memoriam” section, which was incredibly well done by Esperanza Spalding, who just had an awesome set on Austin City Limits this past weekend – and it was so nice to see Liz Taylor get the final credit. Everyone was wondering if they’d give it to her, and she most definitely deserved it. I had to sneak out of the Oscars to go catch The Walking Dead – totally worth it by the way – so I missed a good chunk of the middle, but honestly I’m not that sad about it.
I did love that Billy opened the show with “Welcome to the Chapter 11 Theater” in a nice nod to Kodak’s recent legal woes and their attempt to get their name off the legendary theater that hosts the Academy Awards. I got to catch Mila Jovovich’s weird camera purring as she announced the technical awards they gave out the day before (duck-facing aside, she looked AMAZING last night!!), and the Bridesmaid’s cast got to hilariously reprise their Scorsese drinking game they created for the Golden Globes – both Rose Byrne and Megan McCarthy came with tiny bottles of Grey Goose to swig – girls after my own heart.
Uggie got a ton of shout-outs from The Artist cast, and Best Actress winner Meryl Streep (for The Iron Lady, which isn’t a biopic about my mother) gave the best acceptance speech ever (other than Jean’s acceptance speech for Best Actor, who’s now my movie-husband, he can duke it out with my TV-husband, Daryl, anytime) and I about died when Michel Hazanavicius thanked the one and only Billy Wilder – maybe the best director of all time – when he won for Best Picture. Rounding out the only awards most people care about: Best Supporting Actor went to acting veteran Christopher Plummer for his work in Beginners (when that bitch from ABC asked him on the red carpet how he felt knowing if he won he’d be the oldest winner ever and you could see how off-put he was by that question I wanted to deck her) and the amazing Octavia Spencer took home Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Help.
So there were a lot of cute moments, don’t get me wrong – but overall, kind of snoozeville.
So on to the fashion – because that’s what we all care about anyway – and I have to say – there weren’t really all that many fuck up’s! I was all geared up to make fun of people and I have nothing to say – really there were a few questionable choices which I’ll mention, but honestly for the most part everyone looked really good!
I have no idea what the fuck Emma Stone was thinking with that bow. The color is incredible, but jesus, kid – come on! Another questionable look last night – Gwyneth Paltrow’s cape decision. I thought it was GORGEOUS! I’m actually not a huge have of hers, but this was fantastic and she looked incredible – I thought she was about to eat my heart out and I loved her for it.
Everyone’s talking about Jessica Chastain’s dress – the running debate is whether or not she or Michelle Williams should be dubbed best of the night – I think it’s neat but a little “Peacock Room at the Freer” for me. Thoughts? Oh Angelina Jolie – that slit, that bodice, that saucy little hand on her hip – totally fantastic. She and Brad were the most gorgeous couple there, but that’s pretty much the usual now.
And my best dressed of the night, and pretty much everyone else’s top choice – the beautiful Michelle Williams – the color, the cut, the brooch she added to the waistline, the peekaboo crazy shoes – utterly divine! She may not have won the Oscar last night, but she most definitely won the award for best look.
That’s all I got kiddies – off to bed! Check out some of my live tweets from the show last night – although by now they’re no longer live, they’re still HILARIOUS.