Oscar Madness!!

Written by  //  February 27, 2012  //  Televised Entertainment in Review  //  6 Comments

The Dresses! The Speeches! THE ARTIST!!!

I’m totally lording it over everyone here at the Manse this morning because Donnybrook’s very own Max Phineas and I called this happening, like ages ago. (Weeks ago – whatever, time passes more dramatically for the rich.) Yes, our favorite movie of Oscar season totally KILLED last night! The Artist picked up TEN nominations, walking away with five statues for Best Costumes, Best Original Score, Best Actor in a Leading Role (Jean Dujardin’s acceptance speech last night is now the definition of adorable), Best Director Michel Hazanavicius, and the top honor, Best Picture.

 

SO amped for that movie taking the awards by storm! And not counting the fashion, that’s about the extent of my excitement for the Oscars. Sorry Billy, but ugh. Okay – well, I’ll give it to them that this year was better than the James Franco / Anne Hathaway stupidity of last year – but it was almost like they just went in the extreme opposite direction. Last year they went way too young and it came across as this weird histrionic/stoner/hybrid shit on the screen, but then this year they went too old – as amazing as Billy Crystal is, it just wasn’t all that funny and it aged the entire show – Crystal’s age aside, I don’t think it was really because he’s older – maybe it’s because as I age I realize how silly it was for me to think people were old at 30 when I was 15 – so I get it, he’s not OLD – but the show felt old – if that makes sense.

 

Granted, I totally missed the craziness that was the Cirque show, actually missed pretty much all the music other than the ‘In Memoriam” section, which was incredibly well done by Esperanza Spalding, who just had an awesome set on Austin City Limits this past weekend – and it was so nice to see Liz Taylor get the final credit. Everyone was wondering if they’d give it to her, and she most definitely deserved it. I had to sneak out of the Oscars to go catch The Walking Dead – totally worth it by the way – so I missed a good chunk of the middle, but honestly I’m not that sad about it.

 

I did love that Billy opened the show with “Welcome to the Chapter 11 Theater” in a nice nod to Kodak’s recent legal woes and their attempt to get their name off the legendary theater that hosts the Academy Awards. I got to catch Mila Jovovich’s weird camera purring as she announced the technical awards they gave out the day before (duck-facing aside, she looked AMAZING last night!!), and the Bridesmaid’s cast got to hilariously reprise their Scorsese drinking game they created for the Golden Globes – both Rose Byrne and Megan McCarthy came with tiny bottles of Grey Goose to swig – girls after my own heart.

 

Uggie got a ton of shout-outs from The Artist cast, and Best Actress winner Meryl Streep (for The Iron Lady, which isn’t a biopic about my mother) gave the best acceptance speech ever (other than Jean’s acceptance speech for Best Actor, who’s now my movie-husband, he can duke it out with my TV-husband, Daryl, anytime) and I about died when Michel Hazanavicius thanked the one and only Billy Wilder – maybe the best director of all time – when he won for Best Picture. Rounding out the only awards most people care about: Best Supporting Actor went to acting veteran Christopher Plummer for his work in Beginners (when that bitch from ABC asked him on the red carpet how he felt knowing if he won he’d be the oldest winner ever and you could see how off-put he was by that question I wanted to deck her) and the amazing Octavia Spencer took home Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Help.

So there were a lot of cute moments, don’t get me wrong – but overall, kind of snoozeville.

So on to the fashion – because that’s what we all care about anyway – and I have to say – there weren’t really all that many fuck up’s! I was all geared up to make fun of people and I have nothing to say – really there were a few questionable choices which I’ll mention, but honestly for the most part everyone looked really good!

I have no idea what the fuck Emma Stone was thinking with that bow. The color is incredible, but jesus, kid – come on! Another questionable look last night – Gwyneth Paltrow’s cape decision. I thought it was GORGEOUS! I’m actually not a huge have of hers, but this was fantastic and she looked incredible – I thought she was about to eat my heart out and I loved her for it.

Everyone’s talking about Jessica Chastain’s dress – the running debate is whether or not she or Michelle Williams should be dubbed best of the night – I think it’s neat but a little “Peacock Room at the Freer” for me. Thoughts? Oh Angelina Jolie – that slit, that bodice, that saucy little hand on her hip – totally fantastic. She and Brad were the most gorgeous couple there, but that’s pretty much the usual now.

And my best dressed of the night, and pretty much everyone else’s top choice – the beautiful Michelle Williams – the color, the cut, the brooch she added to the waistline, the peekaboo crazy shoes – utterly divine! She may not have won the Oscar last night, but she most definitely won the award for best look.

That’s all I got kiddies – off to bed! Check out some of my live tweets from the show last night – although by now they’re no longer live, they’re still HILARIOUS.

About the Author

Alistair Blake Arabella

“Alistair Blake Arabella” is the brainchild of entertainment writer and managing editor Vanessa “2 Fingers” Berben . If you’re missing the latest refill of your Dexedrine prescription, there’s a good a chance Alistair’s in your bathroom and has already crushed it up and snorted it. Now be a good little kitten and fetch her drink. If you’d like to receive the hallowed word of Alistair drop a line to AskAlistair@gmail.com – you just may be in the next episode of “Ask Alistar” if you’re very, very lucky.

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6 Comments on "Oscar Madness!!"

  1. Mark in Omaha February 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm · Reply

    I kept switching back and forth between TWD and the Oscars also. I got kind of confused at one point and was wondering why there was a zombie on the stage when I realized it was Billy Crystal. BTW, it’s not his age, it’s the bad plastic surgery that makes him look weird. Christopher Plummer has twenty years on him and looks better.

    Haven’t seen The Artist yet but now will definetly have to catch it.

    I was happy to see Alexander Payne (local guy) get an award, also a classy and funny acceptance speech. I thought the two guys posing ala Angelina was funny.

    Question, since when do they not present the lifetime achievement and humanitarian award during the ceremony? Would it really take that long? They could get rid of a lot of other stuff to make room. One of the things they could get away from is the presenter speaking directly to each of the people up for the award. The name of the actor and movie, and a clip from the movie should be sufficient.

    Someone should have a website on which male had the best tux.

    • Alistair Blake Arabella
      Alistair Blake Arabella February 28, 2012 at 8:12 am · Reply

      Yeah – the Billy Crystal face was a little scary – I spoke to Max Phineas last night and he agreed, said he didn’t even recognize him! You MUST see The Artist – it’s totally an instant classic, in my opinion.
      Christopher Plummer was one of the best dressed men of the night – you can’t see by that photo but he was wearing this gorgeous dark navy velvet suit – I thought it was a risk and a wonderful departure from basic black – a lot of people think that Brad Pitt should take home best dressed guy, he did look dashing, but my vote’s for Plummer.
      What made me sad about the lifetime achievement awards was that they didn’t give enough time for my main man Dick Smith – his work in The Exorcist was incredibl – and he desereved an Oscar just for that exploding head scene in Scanners – yep, that was all Dick Smith – I love that man because he’s taught an at-home special effects academy for the past 20 years – it’s SO hard and expensive to get into effects work, and you really need some credentials – Smith has been providing that for people across the country who may not have the funds to make it to New York or LA to get needed training – he teaches the basics, and the more expert level effects applications and shows his students how to create their own studio at home with whatever space they have available – LOVE that man – was so thrilled to see him Sunday night!

  2. Team Donnybrook
    Team Donnybrook February 27, 2012 at 8:17 pm · Reply

    I effing LOVED Christopher Plummer’s speech! He was such a bad ass old dude. I want to be like him when I grow up. He was just so vibrant and classy and confident and humble at the same time.

    • Alistair Blake Arabella
      Alistair Blake Arabella February 28, 2012 at 8:15 am · Reply

      He was on fire last night! All of the actors who won were amazing – I couldn’t believe they cut Octavia Spencer’s speech short! The nerve! Yeah – Christopher Plummer is now in my list of distinguished gentlemen I’d totally bone – is that weird? Maybe. But whatever. Plummer was HOT! Don’t worry, it may be creepy, but it’s a short list. (Now consisting of him and Patrick Stewart – Ha!)

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