Outdoors Chicks, and HotorNot?

Written by  //  August 10, 2011  //  Advice, Coconut Clinic, The Dormitory  //  1 Comment

I like to be active outdoors. My guy would rather stay at home on the couch. I thought that was a stereotype, but I guess not. How can we find a happy middle?

Whoa, hold on here a minute, sister. Let’s not give “couching” a bad name. (And yes, I just coined that term.) Many great things can be accomplished while sitting on the couch. The watching of sporting events and movies comes to mind. The couch is an excellent place to consume bagged snacks rich in high fructose corn syrup and drink high alcohol content beer. The couch is also an excellent place to write a wildly successful advice column. So, first off you need to soften your stance on the couch.
Finding the happy medium can start by finding what his tolerance for activity is. Does a walk around the block tire his pasty ass? Or can he hang for a few games of horse or maybe even some 1 on 1? Maybe some time at the park with a Frisbee? (Note, alcohol can be used as a mild incentive here.) Find active things he enjoys doing and start from there. Be sure to encourage him and tell him he will only get hotter if he’s gets in shape. Happy trails.

Easiest way to get pussy?

Ugh, we’re down to this now? The least amount of syllables to reach (sometimes) mutual orgasm? “Getting pussy” is rarely an easy task, unless you’re at a party with Ivyy, in which case who ISN’T getting some that night? Well, since it looks like you’re all about putting in minimal effort, so will I with my answer. AMEX black card. Ton of cash. Huge cock. Prestigious last name. Famous mother/father. Roofies. Reality show cameramen following you. Nice hair. Nice smile. Sense of humor. Bitchin’ wheels.

My bros are all telling me I am settling for my current girl. She’s cool and all, but I am starting to agree with them that I am out of her league. How do I break it to her?

Well, Studley, the first thing you could have done was enclosed a picture of you and the alleged cow in your email to get an unbiased opinion. But since you didn’t do that, we first have to decide if your broskis are right. So take a picture of you two and put it on HotOrNot or WhoIsSettling and see what the great unwashed internet has to say. Because, of course, online, everyone is gorgeous. And see if the great unwashed agree with you or maybe it’s the other way around. If the unwashed do agree you are settling, then a simple emailing of the link to her is a plenty polite enough way to break up.

Not that I think any jackoff on the internet can answer this, but what is really the difference between “like” and “love?”

Spitting and swallowing. C’mon, what is this, open mic night?

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About the Author

"Coconut" Roman Coke

"Coconut" Roman Coke is on a slow path to world domination which has led him to many callings: professional lacrosse player, helicopter pilot, foot model, and double agent.

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One Comment on "Outdoors Chicks, and HotorNot?"

  1. Father Guido Sarducci IV
    Father Guido Sarducci IV August 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm · Reply

    The many merits of “couching,” I love it! Write a book on couching, NOW!

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