PHOTOGRAPHERS ARE JERKS

Dear photographers,

You are the happiest people alive. Your job is to find the most beautiful places, the most delicious food, and the hottest people – and capture their beauty with magical instruments. If you’re a girl photographer, you’re probably traveling with cute musician boys in bands. If you’re a boy, you’re probably doing racy photoshoots with hot model chicks. You have adorable international jet-setter problems, like European bathrooms, models not showing up, or you keep accidentally speaking Spanish even though you’re in New York now. What a drag! Your lives are so good, it’s actually absurd to me. I didn’t think people like you actually existed, but now we’re friends, and I’m pretty sure that you’re real.

To prove my point, I have systematically stalked four of my best photographer friends (love you guyz!) and compiled their Facebook status updates from the LAST MONTH OR SO. Hopefully they won’t unfriend me now, because I’d like to get in on their yacht parties in the future.

Enjoy reading, less-happy suckers!

some gorgeous shot of a sunset by some jerk photographer who was there

Facebook Status Updates by Photographers:

prepping for a baja motorcycle run late into the night in ocean beach.

for the next two weeks, i’m gonna swim in lakes and ponds, go barefoot 24 hours a day, eat corn on the cob and fresh tomatoes, push people out of kayaks and canoes, run around fields and beaches, sleep during daylight hours, build bonfires on the beach and play as much scrabble and backgammon as i can. hooray!!!!!!

livin’ every week like it’s shark week.

packing for SXSW. NYC and Miami — any of you going?

Just had a surreal lunch with publishing company who wants to write a book based on our love story.

Woooo! Spain!

just jumped in the (not warm) pacific ocean. at midnight. in the rain. with mr. vandaveer himself…mark charles heidinger.

I can hear the ocean through the open door of my bedroom and that makes me very (very) happy!

Wednesdays are meant to be pool days.

On the road to Moab, Utah and Arches national park.

Just flew an hour and a half north to start heading south. San Diego to Oakland to Guadalajara to Mexico City to Puerto Escondido by air. Then to Zipolite Beach via car. Then I will lay on the sand and read a novel by tc Boyle (oh how I love him!)

just found feathers floating in the sea. love love love it. (sunshine!:)

Great meeting, lots of energy and and inspiration and a sexy husband in new pants all make for an awesome day.

just danced outside in a downpour

driving a golf cart around an island in lake erie while eating a soft serve chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream cone. ahhhh…..summer.

Cooking up some delicious red bolitos mushrooms from the forest. True Russian style.

i’ve spent about four hours of every day for the last week in some body of fresh water. i love love love it.

three days in northern cal with the boys of yukon blonde.

day spent at the beach. evening spent watching james bond movies. night spent by a backyard fire drinking gin and listening to waves. happy!

bloodstains, speed kills, fast cars, cheap thrills, French girls, fine wine. I’ve lost my sense. I’ve lost control. I’ve lost my mind.

las vegas. contraband palms hotel pool key (thank you lavinia!).

sitting in the sun drinking tennessee gins listening to the neighbors play “jane says”…loudly. reminds me of college. except we’ve got a better brand of gin.

Piñata joy.

was in the ocean at 7am paddle surfing for the first time. dolphins everywhere!! under my board and right in front of me. what a lovely lovely morning!!

Vegas!

sun warmed oranges and tom waits. a good friday morning!!!

what a gorgeous sunny day. good for palladium printing and growing oranges and providing beautifully lit patches of grass for my dog to sleep in and me to walk barefoot in. happy!!

San Francisco!

Sitting next to a giant bunch of fresh cut crab apple branches (with the stray tulip floating around). The fragrance is making my heart smile…widely.

Hallo Deutschland! и чуть попоже, привет Москва!

Just shot a rad wedding with a Buddhist ceremony. Packing packing… Miami here we come!

swimming in ponds. throwing waterballoons. shooting guns…at clay pigeons. ninja throwing stars. bathtubs in hayfields. canoeing. bonfires. horseshoes. jack daniels. midnight scavenger hunts. oh. yes.

well portland oregon and a sloe gin fizz. if that ain’t love, then tell me what is” (for a week thank you very much!

What’d I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?

The perks of staying on Moscow time – waking up at 3:30am 2 days in a row. At 10am I already have 6.5 hours of work done + cool sun rise.

Nashville!

fun day at Vail. Hoping for more powder tomorrow.

just booked a flight to Costa Rica. Woot!

just got back from camping in Aspen. really pretty but I’m glad to be back in the city.

stupid sleep schedule + timezone change = in bed by 10. and i keep accidentally speaking to people in Spanish first.. Miami seems to be amusing itself with this whiteboy.

back in Grande. Nosara was fun! hippies and conquistadors everywhere.

Europe has better food, better schools, better healthcare, more attractive people and cuter streets, but they could really use a lesson from the US when building bathrooms.

And PS – here are pictures of what you missed!