Psychic Ills | Mirror Eye

Written by  //  February 12, 2009  //  On the Record, The Conservatory  //  7 Comments

Psychic Ills | Mirror Eye | The Donnybrook Writing Academy

Psychic Ills | Mirror Eye | The Donnybrook Writing AcademyMost Likely To: be mistaken for the latest addition to the Pure Moods series.

I was thrilled to review the new Psychic Ills record. Really, I was! I have a lot of friends whose opinions I highly respect and when I said to them “Hey, friends, I get to review the new Psychic Ills record!” they said “Sweet! Let me get a copy!” to which I said “Sorry chumps, music piracy is for nerds with Aspergers and the poor. You want some Psychic Ills? Well you whip out that plastic and you go swipey swipe swipe and you lay down that CASH MONEY for those Psychic Ills joints” to which they replied “a’ight…a’ight.” Yeah, I had them haters hatin’ on this baller (who is, of course, ballin’), all because I was about to sink my teefs into Mirror Eye.

Then my teefs sank in. What did they find?

Something that I, apparently, just don’t get. This is probably my fault, it must be, but for the life of me I simply cannot comprehend why anybody tasteful would like this. For close to an hour, Psychic Ills take the greatest of care to combine “boring” and “grating” in every way imaginable. Between the mock-Eastern feel of the tabla samples (which are FUCKING EVERYWHERE) and the mock-Eastern feel of elementary guitar lines, Mirror Eye is a Caucasian Buddhist’s wet dream. The only way I can explain the relevance of either this band or this record within the ranks of people whose opinions I respect is solely based on the fact that a lot of my friends get stoned and watch shit like The Holy Mountain muted while they make harsh noise/drone music. While never engaging in such monumental wastes of time myself, when my friends do it, it is at least endearing on some level. But I’m not friends with Psychic Ills, nor do I ever want to be if this is the kind of shit that jives their turkeys. In turn, I can offer Mirror Eye no such mercy and only hope that this never, ever, EVER catches on.

Sorry guys, but Enigma was never cool and can never be cool, not even in an ironic way.

About the Author

Dr. Lazarus Helm

Dr. Lazarus is a smuggler by day, snuggler by night. Born and bred in rural Kentucky, Helm discovered upon his 18th birthday that he was descended from eastern European nobility.

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7 Comments on "Psychic Ills | Mirror Eye"

  1. Tansy February 12, 2009 at 8:53 pm · Reply

    Dr. Helm, you are a delight.

  2. Rbt. B Rutherford February 13, 2009 at 10:05 am · Reply

    Do you punch dictionaries to train for this? Your insight is a delicious elixir.

  3. Dr. Lazarus Helm February 13, 2009 at 11:33 am · Reply

    “Do you punch dictionaries to train for this?”

    I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a higher compliment. Ever.

  4. dr of what? February 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm · Reply

    this was the worst review i have ever read of anything. well done

  5. Dr. Lazarus Helm February 17, 2009 at 3:31 pm · Reply

    Thank you, dr of what?

    Clearly, you’ve never heard ‘Mirror Eye’.

    If you have, well, then there’s no hope for you, I suppose.

  6. dr of what? February 18, 2009 at 9:49 am · Reply

    you said it yourself. you don’t get it….

  7. Dr. Lazarus Helm February 18, 2009 at 7:33 pm · Reply

    Let us ne’er forget;

    Little substance deserves little attention.

    Listen to Halflings’ s/t and call me back.

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