Saturdays of Leisure – the Kind that Rhymes with Pleasure.
The Donnybrook Writing Academy’s Saturday Happy Hour at Larimer Lounge isn’t just a happy hour; it’s truly a pinnacle experience of the highest pleasures of luxurity, a serene and gentle ride through the breadth of life’s most rare and exotic treasures. Please do come in.
Upon entering into one of Denver’s finest establishments, the Larimer Lounge, you will immediately sink into its warm and inviting atmosphere as smooth jazz pipes ever-so-gently through the speakers and the effervescent fragrance of peonies dances around your tired senses. Just let go. Your three waitress-servants (or waiter-servants for the ladies) will remove your tie, overcoat, and even pantaloons if you so desire, and immediately start feeding you cookies baked by a rare sect of nuns in Southeast Asia who only live off a special kind of nectar, pray to the female goddess of all that is pleasureful and relaxing, and fly high-speed jet aircrafts straight to the Larimer Lounge to deliver such amazing cookies before they are no longer warm and gooey.
When you are seated in your Cuban cigar- and Corvosier-stocked personal massaging jaccuzzi tub, you will notice that you are indeed bathing in champagne, strawberries, flower petals, and the tears of orphans as a team of Swedish masseuses, all virgins, give you a five-star massage.
Even your masseuses won’t be able to distract you from the night’s entertainment of exotic and fanciful, Cirque du Soleil-style acrobatics, sword swallowing fire breathers, belly dancing contortionists, levitating gymnasts, psychics, a fleet of trained albino humming bats to provide white noise, and lions who will trot right up to you and lick your face. Do not fear. They are bred to love the pure of heart, and when we say pure of heart, we mean gentile man and womanfolk who are enjoyers of life’s pleasures. They attack and kill on command all who stand in the way of such pleasantries.
Your personal jaccuzzi will also offer several sight-seeing opportunities, and the ability to swim with dolphins: tiny dolphins the size of sea horses, created by the CIA exclusively for the Donnybrook Writing Academy Happy Hour. Simply hit the “Island” switch and you shall be transported – literally, in space and time – to Gaugain’s Tahiti of the late nineteenth century, where you may watch the confused native inhabitants complete the adorable and beautiful customs of their everyday life. You may never want to leave. And here comes the headlining event: the DJ musical stylings of Father Guido Sarducci IV, Master Snobcaster and Olympic parasailer, the man once said to have played Hilter a song that made him call off the Holocaust, only to be shortly assassinated before carrying out his change of heart.
Miller Hi-Lifes are on special. Every Saturday at the Larimer Lounge from 5-8 pm.