Sex Dreams and Sex Fantasies

How To Write a Sex Advice Column:

Step 1- Find your well-worn DVD of Sex and The City Season 1. (Check)

Step 2- Pop in the DVD. Select “Play All Episodes” (Check)

Step 3- Sit in front of your computer with Sex And The City playing in the background, and pretend that you are the all-knowing, all-seeing, advice-giving guru of all sex and relationship questions ever in the world. (Check)

On to your questions!

Dear Ivyy:
I’m in a great, sexually satisfying relationship. So why did I recently have a (graphic) (and awesome) sex dream about a co-worker? Is this a normal thing?

- A Little Worried

Dear Worried:
Sex dreams, huzzah!!! Sex dreams make the world go ‘round. They make a sexually satisfying relationship even more sexually satisfying, and here’s how: you have a (graphic) (and awesome) sex dream about a co-worker, friend, cousin (it’s LEGAL, people), or, as one male Donnybrook advice columnist once told me, Winston Churchill. You wake up all hot and bothered, roll over to find the source of your sexually satisfying relationship, and WAKE THEM THE FUCK UP and DO THEM DO THEM DO THEM. You get awesome post-sex-dream sex, and your partner gets middle-of-the-night unexpected sex. Everyone wins! (Except the neighbors.)

Dear Ivyy,
I’m a straight female, but I really like to fantasize about being with a girl. Actually, it’s how i get myself off most times. Does this make me gay?
- Wondering in LA

Dear Wondering:
I think most gay folks could answer this one pretty easily- do you, in your waking and walking around times, want to fuck other women? If the answer is yes, then yup, you’re gay. However, I’m of the belief that fantasies are simply just fantasies. Just because you like the thought of Asian grandmothers, or smooth twinks, or (as a certain Donnybrook writer of the male advice-giving persuasion told me) mid 20th-centry Parliamentary politicians, does NOT mean that’s your only and exclusive thing.
Still, I’m all for experimentation. So give it a try!! Kiss a girl!! Maybe it’ll wake something up in you and you’ll realize you’re a big ol’ lesbo- then you can start getting down to learning how to have all that awesome lesbian sex you’ve only been fantasizing about up until now. Or maybe you’ll realize that your fantasies about kissing (and other stuff) girls are much better than the actual reality, and you’ll be able to go on with your awesome life of fucking dudes while describing to them what you would do with a girl (ohmygod, so hot for everyone involved!!!!)

Have a question for Ivyy? Email her at IvyyGoldberg@gmail.com or use this form: