Sex Toys and THE PILL

Dear Ivyy,
My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months, and I’d like to start getting a little more adventurous, sexually speaking. How should I approach her with my fantasies of watching her use sex toys, getting into some light bondage, etc?

Freaky

Ok folks, you heard it here first: Sex toys are making a big comeback. Women these days are starting to experiment early and often, and feeling no embarrassment to go to awesome stores like Toys in Babeland or Fascinations for funsies. [editor's note: the store has changed their name to just Babeland] Hell, even your friendly neighborhood Target is turning into the best sex shop on the block- last week I was able to buy a bottle of wine AND a tube of KY Yours+Mine stimulation lubricant within 2 aisles of each other. Say what you will about big business ruining the world, but that shit is convenient!

So there’s a chance your girlfriend might be pretty well-versed in the art of sex toys, Freaky. But you’ll never know until you ask her. I’m always partial to the “tell me your fantasy” line- cliché, yes, I know, but what’s the harm, really? If you start out with the “what’s your sexual fantasy” line, you’ll a) possibly discover some new shared freakiness that up until now was unspoken, b) probably get a chance to share your fantasies with your girlfriend in a, shall we say, bedroom environment, and c) definitely get laid. Ladies love the dirty talk, and what’s hotter than discussing fantasies? So even if she doesn’t immediately whip out the 9 inch monster rabbit vibrating thingy (that’s the technical term for it) and the handcuffs the first time you bring it up, she’ll at least be down for doing something. And something is always better than nothing, right?

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Heyyyyy folks, last Sunday was the 50th Anniversary of the birth of birth control, specifically The Pill- the medication so proper it gets Capital Letters!! Let’s celebrate with knowledge….

Dear Ivyy,
I have ZERO sex drive. I’m 26-years-old, sexually active, and I love my boyfriend a lot, I find him attractive, we are in a great and stable relationship, but when it comes to him actually trying to seduce me, I’ve got NOTHING going on. And it’s not just him. I don’t have any desire to do it by myself or with anyone else. What can I do? I want to want to have sex, but my body just doesn’t seem to be responding.

Sexless

Dear Sexless,
Ok, so we’ve established it’s not the guy, not the relationship, and, judging from your openness in admitting you attempt masturbation yourself, I’m betting you’re pretty sexually open. No creepy Catholic upbringings getting in the way here, right?

My guess is you’re on The Pill. And good for you, for being a responsible young woman who is in control of her own destiny and will not bow to a society that wants her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, GOOD FOR YOU!!! However, I’m sorry to say that all that women’s lib in tablet form you’re taking every day (and you better take it at the SAME TIME every day or else holy crap watch out mood swings) might be causing you to never want to have sex. According to this article in Time magazine, and according to, uh, basically every woman I’ve ever talked to, there is a dramatic difference in body chemistry when taking oral contraceptives. It makes sense- hormones are what gets you turned on, and The Pill messes with the hormones in your body.

So, Sexless, look into other forms of birth control- you can check out Ivyy’s Guide To Birth Control for some good options. Contrary to what some lazy gynos would have you believe, there are many other types of birth control methods that don’t have to get involved with your hormones. Get off the pill, get onto some other type of family planning method, and see if anything changes. Good luck and happy sexing.