Sports Chicks and Big, uh, Tools
Written by "Coconut" Roman Coke // June 9, 2011 // Coconut Clinic // No comments
Dear Coconut,
Tell me if this is cool; I really dig it when my girl wears sports jerseys (like football, hockey). I think girls that do that look hot. It really punches my card to boner time. Is this some sort of fetish? -SportsFan
If it is a ‘fetish’, then you and me share it. I agree girls can look pretty hot if they are rocking an oversized hockey jersey. The key here is what else they are wearing. Jersey and those tight yoga pants is hot. Ditto short skirt. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting your girl to dress like that occasionally. However, if you insist she wears a helmet, mouth piece and cup, then you’re getting into perv country. And I’m totally gonna steal your “punches my card to boner time” euphemism.
Dear Coconut,
What’s more important to girls: a big dick or a great personality? -Anonymous
Let me guess, you have a great personality?
Dear Coconut,
You suck ass as a music critic. You are awful. Your taste in music sucks balls. What makes you think people are going to write in to YOU and ask relationship questions? -Name withheld
Isn’t that kinda what you’re doing right now?
Dear Coconut,
What are some great opening lines to use on hotties? -Nick
Well, for me, “Hi, I’m Coconut Roman Coke.” drops most dresses. However, you don’t have that advantage. Unless, of course, you lie, but I get the idea most girls will be able to see through your brazen lie. (Which could possibly explain why that line has suddenly stopped working. Stop ripping me off, cocksuckers.) I will give you my best move, which isn’t even a line. When you finally get the balls to go up to that cutie at the bar, I think the most important thing is eye contact. Look right into her eyes, (but not in a stalker/lunatic kind of way. Yes, there is a fine line, and it will take a few attempts to dial it in) into her soul. At the same time, let her look into yours. No more than 4-5 seconds tops. You can Google opening lines (really, do I have to do all the work around here?), but the key is those first few seconds of eye contact. Try it next time and let me know how it works out.
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