Stuck in My Head: Donnybrookier Than Thou?
Written by Col. Hector Bravado // January 22, 2008 // The Conservatory // 8 Comments
What are the indelible traits of a Donnybrook writer?
I offer some examples here. Please feel free to add and improve.
You know you’re a member of the Donnybrook Writing Academy when…
You know you’re a member of the Donnybrook Writing Academy when…
You demand that Nokia upgrade their formatting features so you can italicize the names of albums and novels in your text messages.
You can legally have your majordomo take your roadside for you.
You complain to your grocer that their lemons aren’t nearly tart enough.
You fall into an intractable gloom when someone spills a drink on your Moleskine notebook.
You leave the National Western Stock Show in a rage when you discover there are no slaves for sale.
Your doctor asks you if you have ever had the hives and you reply, “Only three of them.”
You write letters of condolence to Grammy winners.
You keep Ketel One for drinking, Stolichnaya for company and the dressing of wounds, and Smirnoff for hosing off the driveway.
The two biggest WASPs in your crew are both Jews.
You throw out your back trying to move your vocabulary out of the garage.
You think “Britney Spears” is a new way to prepare asparagus.
The editors of Pitchfork Media think you’re a pretentious asshole.
You have looked deep into the eyes of that heartless, craven piece of shit in the mirror…and decided that this person is just fine with you.
8 Comments on "Stuck in My Head: Donnybrookier Than Thou?"
You emit an earthy aroma of intrigue, godliness, and a sexual virtuosity which inspires the spontaneous eruptions of sexual ecstasy within the desirous regions of those around you. – Angora Holly Polo
Our writers and debutantes and even our lowly servants are well versed in the art of acting for pure pleasure, with no regard for the consequences. – Ivvy Goldberg Esq.
For more Donnybrook traits and etiquette pick up the newest Louis Vuiton Night. (out soon)
Wow. Thanks. Can I get that on a plaque?
No slaves for sale at the Stock Show?! Not even bad-looking ones with clogged pores and dirty fingernails?
Brilliant, as ever. The ‘Ketel One’ line cuts a little close to the bone, however.
How about:
“Everyone got you the same thing for your birthday. Cocaine.”
At least you have good friends.
-You know why they tease him a lot.
Dear Col. Bravado,
Um, I’m pretty sure that last post contained “terms” and or “words” thereby making your “talking squares” unintelligible.
As in these parts I am unfamiliar with hearing nouns from a Colonel, other than “Cole Slaw” and “Corn”, I’m afraid I cannot comment on your commentary.
However, rest assured that Momma Cat continues to look forward to my reading aloud your continuing adventures, or as we call them, your “stories”.
E. Emetique
HECTOR,
IN THE THROWS OF MENTAL ILLNESS LIVES NUBILE AND DISTURBED MINDS OVER REACHING FOR SENSE AMONGST THE SENSLESS. I KNOW YOUR MIND, AND REVEL IN ITS COMPLEXITY, ILLNESS, HUMOR, AND OF COURSE PATHOS AND EMPHATY. GO AT IT YOUNG SKYWALKER…
UNCLE JJ