The 30 Worst Oasis Lyrics Ever: Definitely Maybe Edition
You can trust me when I say my love for Oasis runs deep–to the very core of my being, in fact. But those lyrics! Oh, Lord help us all, those lyrics! This, the first installment of The 30 Worst Oasis Lyrics Ever, will focus exclusively on horrible lines from the band’s debut, Definitely Maybe.
As a general rule, it helps if you read these aloud to yourself as you would a children’s nursery rhyme; otherwise you run the risk of not gleaning the full atrocity of these words. In no particular order, here we go…
#1: From “Supersonic“:
I know a girl called Elsa
She’s into Alka Seltzer
She sniffs it through a cane
On a supersonic train
She made me laugh
I got her autograph
It’s not like I have anything against strange lyrics; this is clearly a case of letting the rhyme write the line. Let’s remember that the song gets its freakin’ title from this line and that this was their first hit single. How pleased with himself Noel must have been when he almost came up with a rhyme for “Elsa.”
#2: From “Digsy’s Diner“:
I’ll treat you like a Queen
I’ll give you strawberries and cream
And then your friends will all go green
For my lasagne
WTF? Most bizarre slant rhyme ever. It just cold-cocks you, doesn’t it, coming out of left field like that? It’s hard to believe that is actually the line, but there you have it!
#3: From “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star“:
I’ll take my car
And drive real far
Wow. Are you sure that Noel Gallagher’s songs aren’t ghostwritten by a three year old? “Isn’t that precious–he’s going to take his car and drive real far! Aww! Don’t go too far or you might fly into a star!”
#4: From “Live Forever“:
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don’t want to die
Suspicions about that three year old ghostwriter confirmed! Noel’s fascination with insultingly simple rhymes is really what makes him such an awful lyricist. He clearly gets locked into one line and then forces the couplet. I’m almost starting to feel bad for him and we aren’t even halfway done!
#5: From “Up in the Sky“:
Hey you! Up in a tree
You wanna be me
But that couldn’t be
Even the title of this song suggests an illustrated children’s book and, sure enough, Noel goes through a litany of things which could be considered up in the sky (“A tree!”). That’s right, Noel–no one else can be you. Oh wait, you already wrote about that in Supersonic: “I’ve got to be myself / I can’t be no one else.”
#6: From “Slide Away“:
In the morning when you don’t know what to do
Two of a kind
We’ll find a way
To do what we’ve done
Whoa, I think my brain just exploded–come again? That’s some heavy shit, Noel.
#7: From “Live Forever“:
But now is not the time to cry
Now’s the time to find out why
Some more deep thoughts from Mr. Gallagher. Thanks for letting us know that this is not, indeed, the time to cry. Instead, turn those sad feelings inward in an act of introspection. Are you secretly a psychologist?
Excellent couplet, by the way. Who would have thought to pair “cry” and “why”?
#8: From “Shakermaker“:
When you’re happy and you’re feeling fine
Then you’ll know it’s the right time
It’s the right time
To shake along with me!
Tell me this wasn’t plagiarized from a Barney song? Seriously, what is this–the fucking hokey pokey?
#9: From “Up in the Sky“:
Hey you! Up in the sky
Learning to fly
Tell me how high
Do you think you’ll go
Before you start falling
What else is in the sky, Noel? That’s right! Things that fly! Uh oh, I hope the flying things don’t fall down and go boom-boom!
#10: From “Columbia“:
This is confusion
Am I confusing you?
Finally, something that almost make sense! Unfortunately, it’s an observation about the fact that nothing else you say makes sense. Fail.