The Bartender is ill…

The Bartender will not be writing this week because of a nasty case of trenchmouth he contracted from drinking cobra-infused liquor that Thai prostitute gave him. I, The Barback, will be taking over for him, giving you all updates on his recovery, and eluminating the rarely noticed profession of barbacking.

Right now, The Bartender is so consumed by fever hallucinations that he truly believes that I am his younger self, to which he has been giving advice. Just now he told me that I should "avoid climbing that scaffolding, you sot. you’ll only lose your left testicle falling off of it." Which is exactly what happened to The Bartender when he was younger. And as a disgusting badge of honor he keeps that severed organ in a jar upon his mantle. Of course this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve nursed The Bartender back to health. A thankless job. He accused me once of trying to pilfer his wallet after I’d spent 3 weeks nursing him back to health during his recovery from malaria. Which I did pilfer, but for money for his medicine. I told him this, and he responded by calling me a thief, which he makes known to everyone when he introduces me. "Hi there. Have you met my barback? He’s a good guy, but take care of your wallet, he once pilfered mine when I was recovering from malaria." I don’t mind though. The Bartender is my friend, and I believe that I’m his only friend. Well, it’s time to administer some of his medicine. I’ll keep you all updated as much as I can. Keep Drinking and Tipping (and taking your empty cups to the bar) The Barback