The Best ‘Worst Dinner Ever’ EVER.
Jesse’s Exchange with Skyler this Weekend Still has me Giggling
This week’s “Buyout” started with a somber, eerie breakdown of the murdered boy’s bike as they melt it in acid. It reminds us of the first season, when a much more innocent Jesse and Walter set about trying to dissolve a body in the same fashion.
They’re creepy-pro’s at it now, but Jesse doesn’t take part and I was wondering where he went off to as Walter and Mike assisted Todd with stark faces all around, but when Todd takes a break to smoke a cigarette we see Jesse waiting outside. Todd actually attempts small talk, but when he shrugs and says “Man, shit happens, huh?” I wanted to punch him in the face as hard as Jesse did.
Todd continues to be the biggest piece of shit on the planet by insisting on defending himself, even trying to use his family connections in prison to show the others he’s a valuable asset. Look buddy, we all get you did what you thought you had to, but that doesn’t mean you need to be so nonchalant about it. Hang your fucking head in shame like an adult and express how sorry you are that you did what you did. It’s over. It was horrible, but in their world he did what he had to in order to keep them all safe. I get it, now there’s no need to be such a heartless dick about it on top of it. They excuse him and discuss his fate amongst themselves. Jesse moves for firing him but Mike confirms that Todd has family in prison and they could be of help (or hindrance). Walter convinces them the best course of action is to let him stay as opposed to paying him off to keep silent or outright killing him.
Gomez actually has a tail on Mike, who’s playing in the park with his granddaughter and pretending not to know they’re there. He scribbles a note and places it under a trashcan; Gomez thinks it’s a dead drop and goes to snatch it. Of course it’s a note to them: “Fuck You.” Man I love Mike! He’s even listening to them at home on his laptop. Such a badass, he’s quickly replacing Walter for the top spot in my TV-heart.
Marie and Skyler are touching base, talking about the kids and Skyler’s fake therapy. But she’s unable to keep her front up and breaks down, overwhelmed by the whole situation. Marie tries hard to pump her for details and she admits the kids aren’t safe and that she and Walt are bad parents. Marie mistakenly assumes she’s talking about her affair with Beneke and Skyler plays along, smiling with fake relief to finally have her “secret” out but secretly seething that Walt told Marie about it.
Walt and Jesse are watching TV at their latest cook-site-house when news of the missing boy flashes on the screen, making Jesse freak out with guilt. Something tells me when Walt says he hasn’t slept at all since the kid’s death that he’s outright lying to Jesse’s adorable face. This is made all the more clear when Jesse hears Walt whistling to himself like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Jesse gets a phone call that must be from Mike because when Walt shows up at Vamonos they’re both waiting for him. Instead of the “You’re becoming a psycho” intervention I was hoping for, Mike informs them he’s being tailed by Hank and Gomez.
Walt totally flips his shit when he finds out Mike’s been followed for weeks now. That’s when Mike tells him he’s out, and Walt assumes Jesse will take over distribution but Jesse says he’s decided to leave as well. Walt balks at doing this when they’re sitting on so much product but Jesse and Mike have it all figured out – they’re going to sell their two thirds to another operation in Phoenix, $5k for each of them. Walt of course thinks this is a stupid idea, as they could make so much more money if they just kept making their product.
Mike and Jesse meet up with this guy in the desert anyway. They’re going to take a gallon to test and then hopefully buy the rest of what they have, 665 gallons (love that in total it’s 666 gallons). But the buyer gets sketched out when he realizes that they’re only selling him two thirds of what they have, meaning that Blue will still be on the market since they’re missing a third of the product. Jesse calls Walt in the middle of the night to try and get this settled and is shocked to be invited to his house.
He tries to convince Walter to go in with them on selling his share of the methylamine but Walt still refuses, bringing up Gray Matter from forever ago when he let himself get bought out by his friends and give up his share, missing his chance to have made billions. As he stirs his drink, he tells Jesse he’s in the business of crafting an empire. He’s not here for chump change like a few mil.
Suddenly Skyler comes home and the most awkward (but HILarious) dinner ensues, totally trumping the Harris’ on Mad Men last season. Skyler’s pissed that Walt told Marie about the affair and basically makes everyone at the table with a penis (which is everyone but her) feel about an inch tall (insert penis comparison here and pause for laughter) – if you’d like a scary window into Arabella Manor: her little sassy wine glass/bottle walk off is how every one of our family dinners end. Mumsy saunters off with a houseboy and a bottle of Royal DeMaria as Dirk and I retreat to the West Wing giggling furiously at all the cocaine and catty fuckery that’s about to commence.
Mike’s going to let this deal go through whether Walt likes it or not. He catches Walt at Vamonos trying to get his third of the methylamine before they can sell it out from under his nose. Mike sits with him all night to keep him from taking it but in the morning he ties Walt to the radiator to keep him restrained while he runs an errand. Walt tries to pull a coffee pot closer, possibly to break the glass and use it to cut the zip tie holding him but when that fails he uses the exposed wires in the machine’s cord to burn it off (and himself in the process). Hard. CORE.
The errand Mike had to run was going to see the DEA with his trusty lawyer Saul Goodman to accuse them of stalking and let them know they were filing a restraining order. The threat will keep them off Mike’s scent for a day, plenty of time for him to make the methylamine deal. But when he gets back to the garage he discovers he’s been cleaned out and bum rushes Walt as Jesse tries to yell for him to stop and hear Walt out. Mike gives him that “Man I really want to shoot you right now” slight barrel push against Walt’s head and asks him if it’s true – Walt’s creepy side eyed assurance of “Everybody wins” makes a fantastically unsettling cliffhanger. There are only two episodes left of the first half of the last season – I think I may pee my pants in excitement. That’s so uncouth, but it can’t be helped!