The Donnybrook Bottom 100: Songs Never to be Played Again
Written by The Donnybrook Writing Academy // January 5, 2011 // The Conservatory // 69 Comments
Do not. Test. Us.
Donnybrook recently convened at our home base, Charlie Brown’s bar in Denver, and drunkenly came up with a list of songs that should never be played again. Some of these songs we actually love. Some of these songs, if they were people, we would burn to death in front of their families. What do they have in common? All have succumbed to the putrefaction of overplay.
From this point forward, the Donnybrook Writing Academy (in allegiance with Empty Reviews) decrees that none of these songs may be played anywhere, for any reason. By anyone.
In the weeks to come, we will be monitoring the web, broadcast media, and your private residences, to drive home the fact that this list is of the utmost gravity. Steep fines and bizarre, draconian punishments will ensue.
Are there other songs that belong on this list? You bet, and in time we will convene once again, get drunk, and tell you what the new list is. Until then, the answer is no.
The Donnybrook Bottom 100
“…Baby One More Time”
Britney Spears
“American Pie”
Don McLean
“Baba O’Riley”
The Who
“Bad to the Bone”
George Thorogood & The Destroyers
“Bawitdaba”
Kid Rock
“Been Caught Stealing”
Jane’s Addiction
“Black Hole Sun”
Soundgarden
“Black Velvet”
Alannah Myles
“Blister in the Sun”
The Violent Femmes
“Bohemian Rhapsody”
Queen
“Born in the U.S.A.”
Bruce Springsteen
“Born to be Wild”
Steppenwolf
“Boys of Summer”
Don Henley
“Brown Eyed Girl”
Van Morrison
“Butterfly”
Crazy Town
“Can I Get A…”
Jay-Z
“Celebration”
Kool and the Gang
“Closing Time”
Semisonic
“Crazy Train”
Ozzy Osbourne
“Creep”
Radiohead
“Don’t Stop Believin’”
Journey
“Don’t Speak”
No Doubt
“Don’t Worry Be Happy”
Bobby McFerrin
“Down”
311
“Enter Sandman”
Metallica
“Fade Into You”
Mazzy Star
“Feel Like Making Love”
Bad Company
“Fernando”
ABBA
“Fireflies”
Owl City
“Fortunate Son”
Creedence Clearwater Revival
“Freak on a Leash”
Korn
“Free Bird”
Lynard Skynard
“Friday I’m in Love”
The Cure
“Girls”
Beastie Boys
“God Bless the U.S.A.”
Lee Greenwood
“Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”
Green Day
“Good Times”
Chic
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”
Elmo and Patsy
“Higher”
Creed
“Hold My Hand”
Hootie and the Blowfish
“I Want to Hold Your Hand”
The Beatles
“How to Save a Life”
The Fray
“Can’t Help Falling In Love”
Elvis Presley
“Tubthumping”
Chumbawumba
“I Just Called to Say I Love You”
Stevie Wonder
“I Melt With You”
Modern English
“I Touch Myself”
The Divinyls
“I Want to Know What Love Is”
Foreigner
“If I Had $1,000,000″
Barenaked Ladies
“In the Air Tonight”
Phil Collins
“Ironic”
Alanis Morissette
“Jammin’”
Bob Marley
“Janie’s Got a Gun”
Aerosmith
“Jeremy”
Pearl Jam
“Jump Around”
House of Pain
“Lady”
Styx
“Light My Fire”
The Doors
“Lisztomania”
Phoenix
“Lithium”
Nirvana
“Livin’ on a Prayer”
Bon Jovi
“Loser”
Beck
“Love Rollercoaster”
The Ohio Players
“Love Story”
Taylor Swift
“You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’”
The Righteous Brothers
“Luka”
Suzanne Vega
“Magic Man”
Heart
“Margaritaville”
Jimmie Buffett
“Money”
Pink Floyd
“Mony Mony”
Billy Idol
“More Than A Feeling”
Boston
“My Humps”
Black Eyed Peas
“Nuthin’ But A ‘G’ Thang”
Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg
“Poker Face”
Lady Gaga
“Pour Some Sugar On Me”
Def Leppard
“Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)”
The Offspring
“Rooster”
Alice in Chains
“Run-Around”
Blues Traveler
“Santeria”
Sublime
“Speed of Sound”
Coldplay
“Stairway to Heaven”
Led Zeppelin
“Start Me Up”
The Rolling Stones
“Super Freak”
Rick James
“Kryptonite”
Three Doors Down
“Take It Easy”
The Eagles
“Take the Money and Run”
Steve Miller
“The Boys Are Back in Town”
Thin Lizzy
“The Gambler”
Kenny Rogers
“Thriller”
Michael Jackson
“Ants Marching”
Dave Matthews Band
“Walkin’ in Memphis”
Marc Cohn
“Waterfalls”
T.L.C.
“What a Wonderful World”
Louis Armstrong
“Whip It”
Devo
“Wicked Game”
Chris Isaak
“Yeah”
Usher
“YMCA”
The Village People
“You Shook Me All Night Long”
AC/DC
“Your Body is a Wonderland”
John Mayer
“Zombie”
Cranberries
Also forbidden:
• The Entire Curious George Soundtrack
• All country music released after Bobby Bare’s Drunk & Crazy (1980).
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
69 Comments on "The Donnybrook Bottom 100: Songs Never to be Played Again"
Who’s idea was this?! Stupid posh fuckers you can suck my cock these songs are awesome!
The last three times I’ve happened across KBCO, they’ve been playing 10-year old Counting Crows. I’m traumatized.
@ghgh: Uhhh…what?
“Rock music was never made to be polished and mainstream friendly”
What are you even referring to? Where did we say that we wanted anything to be polished and mainstream? In a way, we are saying something completely opposite of that. See, there are many really great songs in the world that will “blow you’re ears out and make you feel like you are at the best party of you’re life,” or, whatever, but for some reason, most of the gatekeepers of music will only play these same songs over and over. Many of the songs on this list are very arguably good songs, but their brilliance has been wrung dry. The artists on this list have deep catalogues of brilliant songs that are never played. Do you really ever have to hear “Jammin’” again, or can’t you just sing the lyrics from memory?
And those people who have suggested to “get an ipod” and stop listening to the radio, are also missing the point. That sounds a lot like turning your cheek and ignoring the problem. Music is a profession and Elvis Presley doesn’t need any more royalties. There are musicians that could be getting that spot on the radio.
Ghgh, thanks. This is just…possibly the funniest (and least relevant) comment we’ve had on our site. Normally the barely-literate are weeded out by our long url (except for the Palin post, that was also funny), but luckily ¡ULTIMATE GUITARZ! is sending y’all over, and we thank them for that.
Where is Achy Breaky Heart on this list??
That list is perfect just the way it is – although most of the songs will now be stuck in my head for quite some time! I love most of the songs on it but have to agree that they are over played.
I woke up this morning, a brown eyed girl who was born in the USA, feeling a little down. I heard the folks over at Donnybrook said good riddance to 100 songs I, and many other girls a lady and a loser all happen to get more than a feeling from. It’s not that I want to call them creep or suggest they have a black hole sun for a heart. That’s not it at all. I mean, come on people, can I get a baby one more time from all you on board the crazy train. Don’t stop believin’ people!
Once upon a time there were people who said don’t speak, listen, hold my hand, jump on the love rollercoaster, and quit bustin’ my humps! Don’t give in, don’t be a zombie. What a wonderful world this could be if people just got over the wicked game of radio censorship, put on their poker face, and like the speed of sound, like lithium, let that sound wash over them. It’s magic man. Or could be.
What’s with the haters? Don’t they know a love story when they see one or have they lost that lovin’ feelin’? I think Jeremy or Janie’s got a gun and they are out for a super freak on a leash named Fernando, the fortunate son he is, who only wants to experience the feeling of how to save a life through the beauty of jammin’ in Margaritaville to some classic tunes.
Can you hear me people? Or is the tubthumping too loud for you Luka? Am I livin’ on a prayer? Am I just a jump around pretty fly gettin’ the run-around? This censorship, this banning of the music that knows how to start me up, taking me on a stairway to heaven, it’s wrong. Am I getting too baba o’riley? Do I need to chug a little black velvet, cry like a free bird, pour some sugar on me, and take it easy? Maybe I need to take a moment and when I touch myself with a Kleenex to the eye, I should feel it in the air tonight… the feeling of fireflies, but maybe not… maybe it’s enter sandman, stage left.
I don’t want it to be so. God bless the USA, I want the good times. I want there to be a higher calling. If I had 1,000,000 for every time someone said I want to hold your hand, I want to know what love is, and I can’t help falling in love with these tunes man, I would be rich!
I feel like I’m making a Lisztomania here. Completely freaked out by the thought of losing the don’t worry be happy feeling of listening to some great tunes because a group of peeps at Donnybrook randomly decided, in a drunken stupor, that these sounds don’t make them feel like making love anymore. It’s like getting rid of American pie filled with apples. It’s like watching grandma who got run over by a reindeer. It’s theft, that’s what it is… they’ve been caught stealing. They are a bunch o’ bad to the bone peeps who might just blister in the sun if they keep going on like this. Robbing the tunes from the people who still want them.
I know this diatribe is turning into a bohemian rhapsody. It’s just that the boys of summer and I, who were born to be wild, want to say that if this heresy doesn’t stop it will fade into you and the longer it lasts the more you will lose that Friday I’m in love feeling. This is no celebration. This is no butterfly taking wing and whispering bawitdaba. This is a time to stand up, a time to light my fire and yours. This is a time to give up Santeria, crow like a rooster, whip it into shape, and take back our airwaves.
I want to say to these drunkards, though the thought of this does make for a good thriller, that the ants are marching now one by one, the boys are back in town, and we are going to take the money money and run yelling mony mony. There is no kryptonite that can stop us cuz this is nuthin’ but a G thang gangstas. I know without a doubt that when Stevie says I just called to say I love you, you, wastoids, will say I melt with you Stevie, and you won’t be able to stay at the YMCA, or look at waterfalls, or go walkin’ in Memphis again without wanting to listen to one of these songs.
It’s closing time on this missive, but I want you to know, you lit up fools, that you shook me all night long with this idea, but I know I wouldn’t be the gambler in saying that most of your body is a wonderland, your body of work that is, and I do appreciate it. After all of this, isn’t that thought just a little bit ironic… yeah?
Now that was truly epic.
Here’s some more: The Beatles- Hey Jude, Disturbed- Get Down With The Sickness, Cream- White Room, Gn’R- Sweet Child O Mine, Lynyrd Skynyrd- Gimmee Three Steps, Queen- We Are The Champions, BTO- Taking Care Of Business, Yes- Roundabout, Jethro Tull- Locomotive Breath, Bob Seger- Old Time Rock n’ Roll, Nickelback’s full catalog, Metallica- Nothing Else Matters, Nelly- Hot In Here, ZZ Top- Gimme All Your Lovin’, Legs, Sharp Dressed Man, The list goes on and on. God bless the lazy programmers and all the sheeple. Ok, sheeple should be retired as a word too.
Please add the following:
1. Bob Carlisle “Butterfly Kisses”, 2. Len “Steal My Sunshine”, 3. Dee Lite “Groove is in the Heart” All very worthy choices of the don’t play ever list!
Are you shittin me? No one even suggested that ” Freebird” should be on this list? OK, maybe next year.
What’s funny is, I think “Freebird” goes without saying.
There’s a reason there called ‘crowd pleasers’. You don’t like’em, don’t listen! Now go eat your Tofu Bean Burger.
Tofu Bean Burger? Is anyone eating a Tofu Bean Burger in here? Well, maybe Angora. Hey Angora! Enjoy that stupid Tofu Bean Burger! And, uh… well, I don’t know. What was everyweddingdj trying to say?
The go-to insult for middle aged guitar dudes and wedding DJs is not really an insult, but just a command to go eat or drink something (which may or may not exist). Go drink some tea! What? Well, okay, I actually really like tea. Go eat a tofu bean burger! Hmmm. Hmmmmm. This statement disconcerts me.
What is a tofu bean burger? I am admittedly new to vegetarianism; I’ve only had veggie burgers. Is this tofu bean burger a more healthful option I should be aware of? Is it a sect of veggie burger, just as some are made out of chick peas? Are all veggie burgers created equal? Is this man looking out for my well-being recommending such health food, or Is this a just cloaked attempt to call us hippies? Of that I am not certain, but it’s my closest guess. But I thought most of the people who are angry about this list are aging hippies. Who are the hippies and who are the non-hippies now? What exact moment do tofu bean burgers enter into this confusing world? Am I a hippie? Do I have to be angry about this list now too? But I helped write the list! Exactly when and how did this happen? Does any of this matter?
Frankly, I’m having an existentialist meltdown. I give up, I’m going to go force my manservants to roll around in a swimming pool filled with tofu bean burgers.
Some even just command that you “bite me”
Hah! Great list! I had to agree with most of it. What I didn’t agree with, I had never heard of. I get that some of these songs you loved. (Me too actually) But do I ever have to hear Misty Mountain Hop? No, most likely not. Might I suggest “She Blinded Me With Science” by There’s No Fucking Way You Don’t Know Who This Song Was By?
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