The Hollyfelds (ALL OF THEM)

Hey y’all!! We’re going a little bit country this week, and featuring….

The Hollyfelds!!!!!!

The Hollyfelds play country music the way it’s supposed to be played: fun, funny, sexy, and tattooed.  At the Donnybrook-sponsored Hillbilly Prom a few weeks ago they covered a Dolly Parton song that would have killed anybody who ever said “I like all kinds of music, except country”.  Who the fuck SAYS that, anyway?  That’s just stupid.

So, y’all- at the aforementioned Hillbilly Prom it was decided amongst members of The Hollyfelds, one Ms. Ivyy Goldberg, and copious amounts of whiskey (imbibed on the part of Ms. Goldberg), that the band members themselves would defend their honor, as it were, and explain to all of us here why each of them are this week’s Most Fuckable Rockstars.  Here goes nothin’….

Names:
“Magic” Samuel Lang Spitzer- drummer
Eryn Hoerig- vocals, autoharp, ukulele, piano
Keith Hoerig- bass
Tim Mallot- dobro, mandolin, 6 string guitar
Kate Grigsby- singin’, gitfiddle playin’, other stuff

Band:
Sam- The Hollyfelds (not hoffleyfelds, holyfields, or hoefidlhelds)
Eryn/Keith- The Hollyfelds (think of our name as the bastard child of
Buddy HOLLYand Jerry SeinFELD)
Tim- The Holyfields
Kate- I thought we were trying to get people to NOT call us The Holyfields?

Status:
Sam- Married to Denver’s most effable wife of Samuel Lang Spitzer
Eryn/Keith- Married to each other
Tim- Single
Kate- Get your filthy whore hands off my boyfriend, bitch!  (Ed. Note:  seriously, she will totally KICK your ASS.)

Why They’re This Week’s Most Fuckable Rockstars:
Sam- Did you see my beard?  It’s crazy sexy.
Eryn/Keith- Because we don’t have swine flu, and because of Sam’s
beard. Have you seen it? It’s crazy sexy.
Tim- Because Donnybrook knows what they’re talking about. (Ed. Note: Tim clearly wins this answer.)
Kate- Because we’ll jam you so hard.  We’ll jam you all the way to next week.

Probable Lovemaking Style:
Sam- Alternative country-fried style (missionary)
Eryn/Keith- We wouldn’t just lie there, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Tim- Swivel Arm Battle Grip
Kate- Hair up glasses on

Possible Drawbacks:
Sam- Will probably get our hearts broken by you, then write a song about it.
Eryn/Keith- We are married to each other, so you can’t date us. But we
do like you as a friend.
Tim- You might feel like you’re fucking an action figure
Kate- None

Where You Can Find Them:
Sam- In your hearts. (Ed. Note: Awwwwwwwwww)
Eryn/Keith- New CD “Black Heart Blue” is out now. Available at shows, iTunes,
Twist and Shout, Wax Trax, all Angelo’s locations.
May 8 – Bluebird Theater w/ BOB LOG III
May 9 – Skylark Lounge for YELPAPALOOZA
June 12 – Gothic Theater w/ SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS
Tim- Detroit, the Library of Congress, or Beyond The Sun. And also at
www.thehollyfelds.com.
Kate- The bar.