The iTunes Top 10 – January 8th, 2009
In order not to completely lose track of mainstream culture, sometimes I listen to the free 30-second snippets of the top-selling iTunes tracks. Here are brief reviews based on those snippets from January 8th.
1. “Just Dance” Lady GaGa & Colby O’Donis
I like how two people get billing for this piece of shit. “Ooh, can you believe Lady GaGa finally teamed up with Colby O’Donis?” Maybe next year Lady GaGa can do a collab with R2D2 and PeePeePooPoo.
2. “Heartless” Kanye West
I’ve been reading for years about how Kanye is one of the creative forces that has saved rap, and I still don’t get it. What a bore.
3. “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” Beyonce
Pattery double-time clapping and some synth work with some Galaga sounds that are kind of berserk-sounding. I liked it.
4. “Gives You Hell” The All-American Rejects
$1,000 from the Donnybrook war chest goes to the first person to punch the lead singer in the throat, preferably during the chorus. You also get a commemorative hat of some kind, and a spirited, if brief, parade.
5. “Love Story” Taylor Swift
Just enough of a ghost of digitized twang so that exurban rednecks don’t have to face the fact that they’re really just listening to shitty ‘90s pop.
6. “Circus” Britney Spears
How heartening that Ms. Spears could be washed from the seas of celebrity to the beachhead of insanity and finally crawl to the lush jungles of mediocrity.
7. “Hot N Cold” Katy Perry
Good lord, how many times have those four notes been dragged out for a techno-pop joint? And I still can’t resist. It sets my inner gay ablaze.
[audio:http://godonnybrook.com/v3/wp-content/themes/mimbo2.2/images/07-Hot-N-Cold.mp3|titles=Hot 'N Cold]
8. “I’m Yours” Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz, I want you to look in the mirror and ask: “Am I going to spend the rest of my life making music for cunts?”
9. “Love Lockdown” Kanye West
Oh, it’s you with vocorder again. Hooray.
10. “Womanizer” Britney Spears
Sometimes I like to punch myself in the cock until I black out.