The Problem of Leisure…
…What to do for pleasure?
Every week, Donnybrook’s Society for the Betterment of Radical
Weekend Partytime creates a board of trustees, who then delegate
representatives to go into the community, incognito, and seek out the
best things to do this weekend. Angora Holly Polo moderates.
The result is a column called "The Problem of Leisure."
Hello lovelies, Angora here. This weekend, I’m running low on booze money, but the social stratosphere might implode if I don’t go out. That’s why I’m introducing a new program called "Rent-a-Donnybrooker!"
Having a party and only one person is showing up? Want it to look like you have tons of fascinating friends?
Did your personal entourage recently leave you for a better rapper?
All you need is a personal entourage of society’s most elite – and it’s all at your fingertips!
Donnybrookers are smarter than everyone, hotter than everyone, give better party conversation, and better fellacio – and you can pay them in private jet rides and booze!
You can rent your own secret-society upper crust models, to "do" whatever* you’d like! We rent ourselves out by the hour, or for long weekends. Remember, this brilliance and beauty doesn’t happen from not money. It happens from money.
*Donnybrookers don’t "do" much, actually.
Angora (price: $113/hr. plus tips):
If you haven’t noticed, our Fritzey has been gearing
for the Starz Denver Film Festival this weekend and upcoming week.
Since he’s got the whole "movie-watching" aspect of it covered, Ivyy
and I will take care of the "party crashing." Last year we had a ball
at some swanky, blue-lit club, talking into the morning to some
colorful director who was about 300 pounds and dressed in a giant mumu.
Didn’t he also have braids?
I can only hope for so much this year.
Daytonboy (price: $115/hr.):
If painfully uncomfortable, borderline avant-garde humor sounds like
your kind of dick-in-the-mashed-potatoes soiree, check out Neil
Hamburger’s Friday set at the Larimer Lounge. The "anti-comedy" stand-up
thrives on heckling from audiences, constantly clearing his throat,
spilling mixed drinks on his tux, and generally absorbing abuse like an
especially fugly red-headed stepchild.
You may know Hamburger from his stint opening for Tenacious D last year,
or any of the random shows he’s popped onto (Adult Swim’s "Tim and Eric
Awesome Show," Fox’s "Red Eye," tomgreen.com‘s "Poolside Chats") and
Hamburger’s renown on the excruciatingly hip Drag City is the stuff of
But when it comes down to it, the L.A.-based comedian’s set is
uproarious in its unabashed crassness (sample: "What do you get when you
cross Sir Elton John and a saber tooth tiger? I don’t know, but you
better keep it away from your ass!") and by the end of the set you may
feel you’ve had a religious experience. Just be sure to come patient and
prepared to be mind-fucked by a character so down on himself he makes
Elliott Smith look like a Cirque du Soleil dancer.
And get there early for Seattle comedy-music nerds Pleaseeasaur, and
locals Magic Cyclops (the Quad City hipster with the inexplicable
British accent) and Ben Kronberg (yeah, we know — rape and abortion
jokes are the new "Take my wife, please," but this guy is fucking
28 Deep (price: $115/hr. plus film):
STARZ film fest for the next 10 days!!!
sea wolf at larimer tues (i think?)
hold steady at ogden monday (i think?)
**Editor’s note: Angora can’t be bothered to "fact check" or
"look things up"; she depends on angry audiences to correct her and her
writers, so let us know if 28 deep is correct on the dates.While you’re
at it, can you write this?
Benjamin "Benny" St. Maur (Benny costs $78/hr., but tell him he costs $150):
Velvet Teen at the Hi-Dive. This band put out my favorite indie
rock record of the last couple of years, Cum Laude (it’s a
pun–get it?). I’m hoping they’ll play "Chimera Obscurant," a song off
of Elysium that’s thirteen minutes long with over a thousand
words in the verses and no chorus. Lead singer Judah Nagler, it’s
worth noting, has a vocal range that puts to shame most of the faggy
indie singers currently popular with the kids. I don’t even know who’s
currently popular with the kids. I don’t care, either. This band
Guido Sarducci III (price: $130/hr., because of his modeling degree):
Father Guido says you should go to the Tarshack
Saturday night for Overcasters, Jeff Suthers, and Blue Million Miles.
But he couldnt be bothered to pick up a quill and write it, so I did.
You have a problem with that?
Guido also says to go to Art Brut on Sunday at the Fox, with the
Hold Steady. Art Brut recently rocked the Monolith crowd into a
hysterical mess of spontaneous rock-induced orgasms and speaking in
tongues. They really can do no wrong.
Anton O Masia (Anton is what we call a "specialty" package, as Anton speaks only in poetry. So price: $125/hr.):
DAY OF THE SCORPION ALL AGES!
This event is in Lakewood. The suburbs.
Lakewood is building an inclusive community.
Do you see the signs on 6th Avenue?
All people may now suburbanize with impunity.
That’s all, lovelies! Remember to have a good weekend, and contact GoDonnybrook@gmail.com to rent out your Donnybrook entourage!