The SAG Awards Happened

Did you bother to tune in? That’s okay, most of the winners didn’t bother to show up either.

Does anyone watch the SAG awards anymore? I think I saw more “So and So can’t be here tonight so I’m accepting on their behalf’s” than I’ve ever seen before. If the stars themselves can’t bother to roll out from under whatever coke induced fuck fest they engaged in Saturday night to show up to Sunday’s awards show – why should we bother to leave our own drug induced shenanigans to do the same?

Because nothing’s more fun than laughing at dumb bitches in shitty dresses!

I can’t be a bitch ALL the time (that’s not true I totally can be) here’s a few notable exceptions last night, and I can’t even really call these my “bests” it’s more like, here’s who didn’t make me fall asleep (I think if I saw one more white draped dress or glittery black train I was going to claw my eyes out).

But really, I think my biggest complaint is just how BORING everyone looked – I missed the daringness of the Globes. What I’ve always liked about the SAGs is that this is when we can see actors salute themselves for being actors – it’s like when everyone in school voted for the superlatives in the year book – no one really cares so you vote for your friends. I was expecting a night of drunken antics and insane costumes and I got a sea of boring women dressed for a fading 90’s prom. It was so dullsville I repeatedly kept nodding off into my drink and Dirk had to keep checking to make sure it wasn’t because of all the Quaaludes.

Some Highlights:

Never one to disappoint, Lea Michelle proves she can dress just as tackily as she did for the Globes – I’m not going to lie, I love this girl. Be the next Cher, honey – we’re in dire need of one.

Emma Stone, looking incredibly fierce and vintage and I LOVE it!

 

Michelle Williams, proving that asymmetrical necklines coupled with lace overlays look as shitty as you imagined they would.

 

Dear Jane Krakowski, thanks for being one of the few women to actually put in effort to look amazing tonight.

 

Once again, your favorite Goth-Lite Couple in high school has arrived for the dance, this time they’re with their besties – the charming jock and his vapid looking head cheerleader girlfriend. Bow down, bitches.