The Trouble with Leggings…

When I was in the 5^th grade in 1997, my wardrobe consisted of two things. One: oversized sweatshirts featuring Disney characters and two: leggings. I honestly have no idea why I refused to wear jeans up until the 7^th grade, but I did. I fucking hated them. I specifically remember my mom buying me a pair of jeans for my birthday and I was literally pissed off. It was leggings or lower body nudity. Nothing in between. No exceptions.

I credit everyone’s favorite annoying neighbor/best friend for inspiring my legging fueled child hood with her ridiculously strange outfits that almost always featured those leg-hugging wonders:

Oh yeah. I went there.

So when this trend made a comeback in like 2007, I clearly gave my young self (and Gibbler) credit. While all the other 5^th graders were rocking their bell-bottom flares from Limited Too, I was kicking it (comfortably, mind you) in my leggings. I was ahead of my time.

Anyways, fast forward to now and go to an amusement park, a bar, the mall, freaking Wal-Mart… Anywhere where you can find girls between the ages of 14 and 30… and just look around. There are leggings everywhere. And some of them are giving them a bad name.

A really, really freaking terribly horrible, disgusting name.

There is one way to wear leggings properly, and probably 1 out of every 50 girls who stretch these things over their gams are abiding by the rules. The rest.. well.. they’re committing at least one (if not multiple) of the three following fashion violations:

The Exposer: There is really never a reason to wear leggings with a shirt that doesn’t at least somewhat cover your ass. If you’re wearing them with a tight shirt that is meant to fall at your waist line, stop. Stop immediately. It makes you look like you’re trying to pull off some catwoman-esque bodysuit. Nobody should ever be confused with a batman villain in public. Especially not while grocery shopping. Ways to avoid this? If the shirt isn’t even slightly oversized (those are in these days, don’t worry), switch to another pair of pants. And not another pair of leggings, another genre completely. Good choices are long, loose tanks or off the shoulder shirts that taper in at the bottom. Dresses also work. These tend to cover the hind end.

The Squeezer: I will say this, leggings can be hard to get right size-wise. But this is why dressing rooms were created. TRY. THEM. ON. BEFORE. YOU. BUY. THEM. Leggings are the #1 cause of muffin tops worldwide. Even on skinny ass girls, if they are too small – you are going to bulge out of them. It is freaking science. If you can find leggings that don’t have the jaws of life for a waist band, these are going to solve all issues with squeezing. Yes, this can be prevented by wearing an oversized shirt – but we all know that when you sit down, the squeezer comes out in full force and is quite hard to stop without wiggling around and prying at your torso. Not cute or comfortable. Ever. Try before you buy. There are plenty of comfortable options that won’t have you feeling like you’re wearing a corset.

Leggings + Jirt: A jirt, for those who are unfamiliar, is a jean skirt. Similar to jorts, they’re not okay. So when you pair them with leggings, hell breaks loose. Kittens start offing themselves, the devil wins the lottery, Ronnie and Sammie from Jersey shore get back together… it’s just not right. This combination has been known to cause jean skirts to ride up and sit in the most awkward manner possible atop your thighs. It gets kind of crooked and stuck on the cotton/spandex-y fabric of the leggings and suddenly people are tilting their heads to try and straighten you out. Not to mention its completely and 100% outdated. 2007 called, they want their Hollister obsessed-eleventh graders back.

So while you might be comfortable lounging around in leggings all day in the comfort and privacy of your own home… hey, go to town. Wear JUST leggings for all I care. But please, for the love of all things that are right and good in the world, please consider the others (and the people who have to be seen with you) before you walk out the door. These are all so easy to prevent. And with a little awareness, we can make the world a better place. For you. And me. And spandex.