The Walking Dead – “Chupacabra”

Written by  //  November 15, 2011  //  Televised Entertainment in Review  //  5 Comments

It’s “A Very Daryl Episode” – And This Pleases Me.

Despite how awesome it was to see such a Daryl-centered episode, there were some things about this week that seriously pissed me off.  As we saw last week, Glenn and Hershel’s daughter Maggie bumped uglies in the pharmacy in between pregnancy tests and tampons – and really, is there anywhere else more romantic to get it on than in the middle of a pharm? I know when I’m done fucking, the first thing I want to do is find some Altoids for my partner and some Ritalin for me, STAT.

After their pharma-tryst, Maggie starts giving Glenn the cold shoulder, making it clear to him that it was just meaningless sex. Oh, those Farmer’s Daughters! Glenn’s a little crushed, and spends most of the episode in a state of perma-sads.

The search is still on for little Sophia – the group breaks into pairs and grids out a map of the surrounding area to go over together. As much as you want to feel for Carol and her missing child (I’m stressing the YOU in that statement as my motherly instincts are about as dried up as a Walker’s cooter), it’s getting to the point of “Enough, already!” Maybe it’s time these guys cut their losses and move on – or at least leave the dead weight at the farm and go. This is exactly the sentiment that Shane voices to Rick while they’re searching for the girl and it pisses Rick off. He says he feels bad because he promised Sophia he’d come back for her – and yes, Rick, you did, but you also told that little idiot to STAY PUT and she fucking ran off, so really, whose fault is it that she’s missing now? Just saying.

When they get back to the farm Rick runs into Lori and she assures him that he’s making the right decisions – the easy choice IS to cut losses and leave, choosing to stay and continue to risk everyone’s safety to find her is the harder choice, and she’s proud of him for making it, as a mother, if it were her child out there alone, she’d never be able to move on.

Daryl is also hell-bent on finding Sophia. He and Carol have formed a special friendship – she seems to be the only person there that truly respects him and appreciates him being there and doesn’t look at him as “The Brother of the Racist Redneck” – she sees what the rest of the viewers see – that he’s an incredibly valuable asset to everyone there. He makes the mistake of setting off alone in the woods, believing that his tracking abilities are good enough and his crossbow is awesome enough to hold off any walkers he may come by.

Unfortunately, while he may be the most awesome character on the show, the horse he stole from Hershel is the most skittish one he had – so when they encounter a snake and the horse rears up and tosses Daryl, all of his prowess at survival gets put to the test. He takes a hard fall down a ravine and gets seriously injured in the process to the point that he passes out and leaves himself open to attack.

It’s in this state that he begins having visions of his brother, Merle, who for now we all believe to be dead but I’ve heard rumors that may not be the case (those could just be hopes, since he was a pretty um… colorful character… and people would like to see more of him). He appears to Daryl in a hallucination and begins to prod him onward – goading him into getting up, killing the zombies that have started to circle him, and getting his ass back up that ravine.

By the Power of Greyskull and the force of sheer BadAssness (and I should know, I’m a board certified expert in BadAssery) Daryl actually manages to get himself out of the ravine and back to the farm in pretty much one piece (although he does bring along his collection of zombie ears he decided to string onto a necklace, which I’m going to pretend is a gift for meeeeee), appearing out of the bushes and scaring the shit out of everyone.

And here’s where I started to get pissed off – so, Andrea’s stupid, brainless, cuntwhore ass has insisted that she should get to stand watch and look for Walkers, despite everyone else telling her dumbass not to. Sure enough, just like everyone else predicted because she’s way too inept and high strung to responsibly handle a gun, she ends up shooting Daryl in the head as he approaches the farm, luckily only grazing him.

Sigh… this bitch. I’m so sick and tired of screen time being wasted on these idiots. Seriously. They can’t survive on their own, they’re totally inept, and completely fucking useless. Sorry, but I’m with Shane – cut your motherfucking losses, wipe these shitstains off your boots, and move the fuck on already – Hershel certainly wants you to.

After first having to deal with the influx of new people who are all raggamuffiny and shit, he then gets his horse stolen by Daryl, AND he gets his spot blown up by fucking Andrea after she decides to stupidly shoot a gun off right there at the farm for any Walker within hearing distance to follow. Then on top of all that, he notices his daughter giving Glenn the skank-eye – and that’s the tipping point – not sure if it’s just the fact that his daughter’s getting it on with a stranger (although technically the alternative would be super gross and an entirely different show), or that she’s doing it with an Asian guy, or what – but he’s not happy about it, and warns her not to get too close to these newbs because their days here are numbered.

What follows is an extremely awkward dinner scene – at first planned with the best intentions by Lori and Carol, who want to show the Hershel clan that they appreciate their hospitality – it becomes an incredibly strained meal after the events of the day unfold. They eat for the most part in silence, interrupted by Glenn who tries to save the night by making small talk and asking if anyone can play the guitar he found. To which Hershel replies that Otis was the only one who knew how and well… yeah… so, just more awkwardness…

Maggie, after seeing how hard Glenn tried to keep the peace, decides it’s time to stop giving him the cold shoulder and give him the hot one instead. She passes him a note asking him if he’d like to meet up later for some sessy time, and he scribbles a response and slips it back to her. Because her father’s watching them she has to wait to see what he said, but later when she opens the note she sees he’s invited her to the hayloft in the barn – which elicits an “Oh no!” face! She hauls ass to get to the barn and stop Glenn from entering, but she’s too late – can she possibly try to explain to Glenn what he found there? What exactly is the Hershel clan hiding??

More on that next week, kiddies!

About the Author

"Two Fingers" Berben

Our illustrious managing editor, Vanessa “2 Fingers” Berben, gets in fights with her friends about how much deeper they should be feeling this episode of TNG. A researcher/curator for Nintendo's i.TV app, you can stalk her around the web at The Huffington Post, Starburst Magazine and FEARnet and in the latest issues of Starburst and Stiff Magazine. Follow her (preferably whilst humming the Imperial March) on twitter , facebook and tumblr.

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5 Comments on "The Walking Dead – “Chupacabra”"

  1. Mark November 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm · Reply

    Love your posts about the Walking Dead. The writing and acting are past the point of believable and approaching parody. Idiot Andrea taking the shot, Merle with both hands, a barn full of zombies, soap opera pregnency, could it get any weirder? Keep up the snark.

    • Alistair November 17, 2011 at 8:22 am · Reply

      Thank you!!! I think my eyes might fall out of my head with all the eye rolling that goes on while I’ve been watching this season. AMC is just ruining all of their good shows, imo – and yeah, really wish I could jump Andrea in a dark alley – she wouldn’t be able to fend me off, anyway.

  2. cristina November 28, 2011 at 11:27 am · Reply

    holy shit! just got into this show and this is the first of your columns I’ve read – just had to say THANK YOU for giving voice to lots of thoughts I’ve been having on this show. especially fucking Andrea! and yes, i’m another daryl fan. i have lots of issues with some acting and point plots, but i’m still sucked in. looking forward to more of your literary eye-rolling!

    • Alistair Blake Arabella
      Alistair Blake Arabella December 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm · Reply

      Thank you!!! It’s beautiful, incredibly brilliant people like yourself that keep me doing this = )

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