The Walking Dead – Season 2 Finale
Sophia Mystery: Solved | People Who Still Care: Zero
My lovelies, I must apologize profusely at how long it’s taken me to discuss with you the finale of Season 2 of The Walking Dead. I’m so conflicted about how I feel about this season I spent the first few days after the Fall Finale aired holed up in Saks consuming massive amounts of Pretty in Pink, which isn’t an easy feat considering Mumsy’s assistant has been blowing up my assistant’s cell trying to get me to come back home and I only have time to speak to my assistant in between rotations of shoving cake in my mouth and sticking my finger down my throat. It’s a cycle of perfection. Little Fauntleroy’s just beside himself with worry, but, I’ve cleaned myself up, went back to Nygard Cay for a few days, got myself sufficiently purged and I’m back in action!
So, to recap, Glenn accidentally (thinking he was going to get in on some barn-action kissy-face with Maggie) discovered that the Hershel’s dirty secret is the horde of Walkers they’ve been keeping in the barn – she swore him to secrecy, admitting that the people in there are their family members and others they’ve found along the way. She explained that their family doesn’t look at Walkers the same way Rick’s group does – where Rick and his team see bloodthirsty soulless zombies, they see the family members that these creatures used to be.
While Maggie and Glenn deal with their romantic issues, another new couple is kind of forming when Shane and Andrea end up getting into some front-seat-fucking action after Shane attempts to teach Andrea how to shoot. The whole scene was kind of stupid and predictable, much like most of the scenes this season after Frank Darabont was let go – after Andrea stupidly shot Daryl, Shane takes her out and tries to show her how to really shoot – he starts teasing her and saying mean shit, and anyone watching can figure out that he’s just trying to teach her how to shoot while under stress – but since she’s a dumb cunt she doesn’t put that together and gets really angry – they end up looking for Sophia at an abandoned house, and run into some Walkers along the way which sparks a bit of a stampede and forces them to take shelter in an abandoned garage.
They try to make it back to their car but are being hounded by zombies, and there’s this really stupid moment that was again totally predictable when Andrea goes all Taxi Driver on the zombies and start shooting them all up in a blaze of glory – okay, whatever Andrea (eye roll, gag face, all can apply here). So after their adrenaline gets all pumped and they’re on the road back to the farm, Andrea gets all hot and bothered for Shane (can’t complain on that one – dude’s smoking now that he’s all “I’m going to do whatever it takes to survive and shave my head and stuff”) she makes a move, Shane’s down, and the lovey-time ensues.
Glenn can no longer keep Lori or Maggie’s secrets as they’re eating at him – he confides in Dale and tells him the truth about both women, and Dale keeps his mouth shut about Lori but decides to go talk to Hershel about the Barn Walkers. Hershel tells him to shove off and keep his opinions to himself, and Dale lets Glenn decide if he’s going to talk to the group about it. Glenn does finally admit to the others what’s going on, and they all want to jump up and kill the Walker’s in the barn. Glenn, Dale, and Rick all feel they need to do what Hershel wishes, and Rick confronts Hershel one last time to see if they can stay there and be a part of his group. Hershel does finally relent, and tells Rick that if he can work with him to save the Walkers in the barn, then he’ll consider keeping them on.
Rick convincing Hershel to let them stay becomes even more imperative when Rick finds out the old fashioned way that Lori’s preggers – by finding her Morning After pills – he gets all Grrr-Face with her but she admits that she threw them up because she just couldn’t do that to her baby – they then continue the unending and incredibly boring argument they’ve had all season about the sanctity of life, and I got so down in the Dullsville’s that I had to do a few lines to perk me and the storyline up. Meanwhile Dale’s growing more and more suspicious of exactly what happened when Shane went to go and get the meds to save Carl’s life. Believing that he did in fact kill Otis to save himself, Dale decides to try and hide the guns. Shane goes ballistic, confronts Dale in the woods as he’s attempting to stash them and gets them back.
Shane comes back to the others with the guns in hand and begins passing them out – asking my new TV boyfriend Daryl (yes, I’m moving on from my failed TV relationship with Nick Stokes and going with the badass redneck instead, what can I say, I have a thing for dirty boys who are good with weapons) if he’ll join him in defending themselves against those Walkers in the barn. He even goes so far as to hand little Carl a gun!
Just as they’re working themselves into whatever the manly version of a tizzy is, Rick comes back from his Walker-Rescue mission with Hershel – in an attempt to keep himself in Hershel’s good graces and show him that he can play by Hershel’s rules, Rick set out with him to rescue two Walkers stuck in the swamp to bring them back to the barn where they’ll be safe.
Unfortunately for Rick, the whole group is waiting for them all frothed up and ready for blood – when they see Rick coming back with a Walker the go totally fucking ballistic – Shane decides it’s finally time to exterminate the Barn Walkers once and for all, and kicks the locks open on the door – they begin to spill out, and the rest of the group starts picking them off as an angry Rick and a scared Lori and Carl look on with the Hershel family, who’s struck dumb with disbelief at seeing their loved ones being picked off like animals.
And here’s where the most predictable, underwhelming “shocker” I’ve seen in a long time happened – after an entire season of wasting our time and theirs by looking for this stupid ass kid that ran off, we finally learn what happened to Sophia – just as pretty much everyone predicted, Sophia became Walker bait, and was turned into a Zombie. Big fucking surprise. The only thing enjoyable about that “big reveal” was seeing Rick shoot her in the face. Yeah, yeah, she’s a little girl – what the fuck ever – she wasted my time and she’s not really a little girl anymore – so, shoot her! Ugh.
After an incredible, groundbreaking first season, I had such high hopes for what TWD would bring to their sophomore year. I can’t even describe how totally disappointed I am. Am I going to keep tuning in when they come back from hiatus? Right now I have no idea, possibly, since it’d be nice to see how things are going to turn out – but if they continue to pull this kind of stupid, time-wasting, melodramatic crap, I might have to pass. What a complete letdown of a season – Frank Darabont – where the hell are you??