Things To Make For Your Servants

Written by  //  February 5, 2012  //  Popular Culture and Internet Fancies  //  4 Comments

With the holidays well behind us, we’ve now entered into that much-dreaded time of year. The time of belt-tightening. And not the fun, I-just-went-down-a-dress-size way. The lame financial way.

In light of this, I have decided to devote this month’s installment entirely to things that you can actually MAKE for your servants, with minimal collateral damage to your immaculate manicure. What’s better than spending very little money on things for your servants? Spending (almost) NO money on things for your servants, of course!

1. Haute Couture T-Shirt

You can actually make this T-shirt in any color you like, I’m just partial to black. Plus, I like the high contrast. I also made a yellow one that was slightly more subtle and totally cute for everyday wear, but if you want major impact, go for black! I bought a black T-shirt from my local dollar store for one dollar. I could get completely side-tracked here about my personal passion for the dollar store, but I’ll save that for another column. The reason I was able to get such a stellar deal is that it’s actually a kid’s shirt! It turns out that size Youth XL fits a grown, nearly-six-foot-tall woman pretty perfectly. Who knew? Wash and dry the shirt first to get rid of any extra pigment. I let mine air-dry, since I was concerned about shrinkage, being nearly-six-foot-tall and all. Then, get a large plastic cup from your cupboard or local 7-11 and fill the bottom inch or two with pure, undiluted bleach (estimated cost: approximately seven cents). Now, take the bottom edge of the shirt and dunk it in the bleach. Leave it there for an hour or two, then switch it up and dunk the ends of both sleeves, leaving the rest of the shirt un-bleached. WARNING: if you live with roommates and/or a significant other, be sure to alert them about your project beforehand. Otherwise, you may end up with a splatter-y shirt (like the one pictured here) as a result of your partner picking up your bleach-filled vessel and vigorously gesticulating with it while inquiring, “What the heck is this shirt doing in this cup?”

Total cost: approximately $1.14 (one dollar for the shirt + seven cents for bleach + seven cents for tax)

2. Mixed Metal Bell Wreath

Again, this project was inspired by/enabled by my local dollar store. Oh, dollar store. How do I love thee? Sigh. Sorry! Around the holidays they were selling packages of nine bells for a dollar, so I bought like eight of them in silver and gold, plus a plain wicker wreath for one additional dollar, and attached all the bells randomly to the wreath with the wires they came with. Voila!

Total cost: under $10.00 (eight dollars for eight nine-packs of bells + one dollar for the wreath + some cents for tax)

3. Geometric Gold Faux Leather Earrings

This is just an example, the possibilities for these earrings are pretty much limitless. All you need to do is go to your local craft store, purchase a piece of faux leather in your favorite color and/or texture, and cut it into shapes that you like. Then, join the shapes together by first poking holes in the material with a large needle, then linking them together with small metal jump rings (also available at your local craft store). Finally, attach a pair of earring hooks, so that you can hook them to your ears. Where can you find said hooks? If you guessed your local craft store, you win!

Total cost: under $1.50 (four dollars for one large piece of gold faux leather, which makes approximately eight pairs of earrings + some cents for hardware + some more cents for tax)

About the Author

Mademoiselle Petulance Forecastle

Mademoiselle Petulance Forecastle is the Front Range's premier purveyor of petit fours, has better taste than you, and enjoys Fiestaware and Paris in the evening.

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4 Comments on "Things To Make For Your Servants"

  1. Alistair February 7, 2012 at 10:22 am · Reply

    This is fantastic! I’m going to make my servants start making themselves gifts from me right now. I LOVE the tee!

  2. Crispy February 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm · Reply

    Hum. Why aren’t you in our craft club???

  3. Mark Kane February 11, 2012 at 5:20 pm · Reply

    So helpful now that dividend rates are so low and my capital gains have dipped.

  4. Darell Theodorov April 25, 2012 at 7:50 pm · Reply

    Hi there, You have done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and for my part recommend to my friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this site.

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