T’was the Night of the iPhone
From yourselves, we will save you.T’was a night in September, and on a branch ‘bove the grounds, An unwashed vagrant had been treed by the hounds. When we came upon him, in his “Think Different” gear, it was clear what he was, a creature quite queer. Naturally we mean queer as in odd, for who among us hasn’t succumbed to a supple man’s bod? “Can I help you young man?” the butler called into the tree aiming his rifle, as the safety flew free. “Please let me down,” the man said with a whine, “I was just cutting across. It was just the one time!” “Why would you do this?” Hans said, looking quite grim, he hated those that tried to rhyme an “n” and an “m” “I just needed to get to the head of the line, at the store that lies o’er the incline.” “Why would you bother, on this of all days?” Hans was eager to indulge in his murderous ways. “Didn’t you know?” the wretch continued to moan, “Today is the release of the brand new iPhone!” Naturally we had forgot what day it was, for the days blur together when you keep an ongoing buzz. Without hesitation, we strolled to our coach, as Hans shot the bastard, like squashing a roach. We chatted and drank, during our ride, medicating hangovers, that had yet to arrive. In mere moments we reached the outlet mall anticipating buggy new hardware, with updates to install. We moved up the queue thanks to bribes and to threats, those that wouldn’t take money, we menaced their family and pets. Soon at the front, we bought out their stock, then smashed them to pieces, right in front of the flock. On our drive home we laughed and we giggled, as our call girls and boys writhed and they wriggled. We toasted and toasted, through the day and the night, to our continued success and mockery of others plight. Truly we shall remember, for all of our lives, the day we destroyed a whole store full of iPhone fives.