Vintage Video on VHS
Pic #1: Prayer of the Rollerboys
In a very shitty future where all the adults are dead or at the bars because they don’t give a shit about stupid kids, roaming gangs of rollerblading, Jesus-worshiping teenagers rule the streets. One kid (Corey Haim) unites all “The Rollerboys” to fight “The Satans,” who ride dirt bikes, have chicks, and unleash an hour or so of rollerblading stunts that would make my grandma yawn.
Price: Just take it away from my sight.
Pic #2 Three Men and a Baby
When three gay men stumble upon a fast-talking baby (voiced by Flava Flav) while hanging out in the park, they spend all afternoon bickering about clothes and then leave the baby on the subway. “Yeah Boyee!”
Pic #3: Cocktail
In the greatest movie ever made, The Bartender (played by Tom Cruise), who fucking owns the world, serves up tasty cocktails, and gets all the girls, is sent to another dimension by scientists to save the world and smoke a blunt as big as Snooki’s arm.
Price: $49.99 (signed copies available for additional $100).