Weddings and Long Distance

Dear Coconut,
My girlfriend is pressuring me into marrying her. I told her I want to live together first. She tells me she won’t live with anyone before she gets married. What should I do? -Single4Now

Um, stop dating prudes? Right off the top, I am concerned how you open up with her “pressuring” you into getting married. You shouldn’t feel any pressure at all; you should feel like it’s something you want to do. Granted, I don’t know much about your exact situation (how long you’ve been dating), but that is a red flag for sure.
I am a big advocate for living with someone first. You may love someone to no end, but once you shack up with them, you see a side you’ve never seen before. She may be uber bitchy or fart in bed every night. For whatever reason, you just may not be compatible. Tell her it’s 20fucking11, and it’s absolutely fine for a couple to live together first. Play it safe, and find a place with a 6 month rental. If you haven’t killed each other by than, then look at the next step. Just make sure you have 2 TVs.

Dear Coconut,
My GF says I play too many videogames and don’t give her enough attention. What should I do? -Gamer Joe

Dump her ignorant ass.

Dear Coconut,
Judging from your first couple “columns”, you sound stupid. Who would ever take any of your advice? You’re a joke. -Name withheld

You sound fat. Go fuck off, fattie.

Dear Coconut,
I have been with the same guy for over 2 years. Things were getting pretty serious. Then, he was offered a promotion he couldn’t turn down. His new job will move him a two hour flight away. I am unable to move from here for the next 2 years. I really do love him. Do long distance relationships work? -Anonymous

In my opinion, no. But just because I am always right, don’t let me hold you back. If you two lovebirds are that committed, then by all means go for it. Just be prepared for all the time, hassle and fights these situations typically cause. Who’s flying where this weekend? Do you have enough money for the flights? What happens if he can’t come in for an important event? There are things to do in the meantime; chat, text, Skype. While I am a big believer in absence making the heart grow fonder, most LDRs end in short order.

Have an issue that’s keeping you up at night? Let me pretend to care! Email me at CoconutRomanCoke@gmail.com