Welcome, Pornography Seekers (Unfortunately SFW)

Dearest brave seekers of the erotic visual arts,

Welcome to the Manor! Please do have a seat. Actually, don’t sit on the nice chaise. Just…just stand over there for a second, and cover your lap please. It’s distracting.

I know we’re not exactly what you were looking for. This is like when you were twelve years old and rooting for porn in your dad’s closet, and he caught you, and decided to have a long conversation about academics. But please bear with us.

While, like any rational human adult, we talk about fuckable people all the time, we don’t actually possess any pornography in our hallowed internet walls. That’s just not the skill set we possess, as a people. We’re more of the neurotic, good-at-narcissistic self-analysis types. There is a salacious video of Rich LeFevre giving an unsuspecting woman a lap dance whilst singing Usher’s “Nice n Slow” karaoke, and Irving J. Silvertoad’s beloved, if a tad traditional “A Cyclone of Sexual Prowess,” but beyond our sex advice columns, that’s about the closest we get to erotic stimulation. So feel free to give those a spin if it strikes your fancy. Whatever it takes to get the job done.

We just wanted you to know that while we don’t have exactly what you’re looking for, we’re really glad that this happened. Everything happens for a reason, you see, and we believe that this moment – the moment when you Googled “doggysex” and came upon us (oh! that sounds about right) – is no different. It was all there to bring us together. To create a long and lasting relationship. Together.

So go ahead and open up a new tab, and go find what you were actually looking for. S’okay. We don’t mind waiting for you.

Then we will be there right when you finish, for some post-orgasmic reading materials.

By the by, here are our top search terms. So much Bob Log. Really?

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