We’ll See Your ‘World’s Most Expensive Thanksgiving’ and Raise You

Written by  //  November 23, 2011  //  Caviar and Other Lesser Foods, The Table  //  No comments

As the price of Thanksgiving has gone up this year, Bankrate.com decided to see how much it would cost if you really splurged on Thanksgiving dinner. This includes eating utensils by Tuttle Silver that cost $25,199.95, a Grand Turducken that puts 19 pounds of chicken, turkey, and duck into 30 peoples’ faces for about $295.

Clearly, these people have never seen a Donnybrook Thanksgiving.

We fly guests in from all over the world in our grand luxury private jets, which feature an extra seating section even fronter in the airplane (before the cockpit) called “Pre-First Class.” Because the airplane is made of state-of-the-art diamond-view technology, the pilots and guests can see right through the walls into the sky and have the illusion of floating. Pre-First Class guests receive two masseuses each and a team of stewardesses to clean up the inevitable spillage from the chocolate-and-champagne fountain (which, upon reflection, might have been a bad idea). Because of this extra section, the jets are longer and remain mostly unoccupied, but we still fill the back seats with peasants, so our guests can glower at them.

When Thanksgiving guests (who might be named Will and Kate) arrive at Donnybrook Manor, they are escorted to the grounds by their own uniquely-themed parade, such as Arabian Nights (elephants included), Thanksgiving (with larger, more gold-dipped floats than Macy’s), or the straightup Makin’ It Rain Money Parade.

The guests enjoy a cocktail hour drinking from historical relic chalices from Roman times (called, in Latin, calix). Then, it being Thanksgiving, we fly in Pope Benedict XVI to tell God how thankful we all are, and then we fly him out before the drugs begin.

Nymphette princesses distribute organic, heirloom marijuana edible aperitifs and digestifs to the guests to whet appetites, followed by a fair amount of absinthe, followed by hors d’oeuvres, followed by a Dionysian twenty-five course meal that lasts five days which includes a designer Cowpigturducken: a chicken in a duck in a turkey in a pig in a cow. Guests are encouraged to slip into one of our bath houses to take a Tryptophan nap between courses, or work off some of the excess calories in our orgy rooms.

Guests will likely be comatose when they leave Donnybrook Manor after Thanksgiving, so we give them a proper sendoff in our grand luxury private sleeper jets, which have a Pre-First Class filled with cloud-shaped heirloom goose down hammocks.

Happy Thanksgiving, all. This Thanksgiving, we are most thankful for our readers, but actually mostly for our grand luxury private jets.

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The Donnybrook Writing Academy

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